The girl with Masquerade
Whispers
I lead, follow me
A title for this, page 16 of 366. xo
Monday, 16 January 2012. 11:57 pm
I've been shutting my emotions out. I've been trying to be happy and convincing myself that I'll be doing fine. So glad that I've quit being a emotional bitch as compared to the past. Horrible emotional bitch. Thinking back about all the stuffs that happened, I'm afraid. Get hurt. Get a cold shoulder. Get ignored. Get replaced. Checking up the horrible truths. People left. All this stuffs. All the unhappy stuffs I should let go of, to let go of the fear in me. How can I be happy, how can I trust, how can I love, how can I open up, how can I.... when I'm afraid? Changed too much. Far too much. I can't express everything out in words. Even the change in me is scaring the shit out of me. I can't recognize this girl I'm facing in the mirror right now. All the feelings she hide, all the fears that's suffocating her. I don't know. I've got no idea of what to say. Brb.-12.03 am................................ Back from reading my last post of 2010. It was total bull shit and I recalled everything that happened on the count down. One of the incidents that's maximizing the fear in me. At least back to 2010, everything was more straightforward. I knew what was tearing me apart. I just know myself a lot better as compared to now. Oh, and I couldn't stand my x2 fuglier face when I read that post. Really.
#1- Be happy.
#2- Be stronger.
#3- Be pretty.
#4- Apply for course and just study
#5- Slim down my fat tummy and legs
#6- Blog more
#7- Get rid of that fear
#8- Settle down
#9- Find my true self, who I really am
#10- Even more independent
#11- Break free?...
The paragraph above was a draft done by me. Obviously number 11 is striked out because I've broken it. Warning, photos are not edited. Where do I start from?... Count down was simple and meaningful I guess, I spent it with my cousin. I spent my countdown bbqing and eating prawns! That was totally unexpected. But I kinda like it when I break free from the social life. I mean, I just want to lead a really ordinary teenage girl life where things are simple and happy. We weren't suppose to have prawns to eat, but the smart me had my ways to get us prawns ^-^ hehe
(My classic way of eating noodles~ ^.<)
Ohmygod, we only had $1.50 inside both of our wallets when we were going to have our dinner. Nets are not available at the bah ku teh store and the posb machine is really far from us. Had no choice but to go to a random restaurant to eat. Their food are damn nice I swear. That's how I spent the last day of 2011 and first day of 2012. I even went home early you know, I didn't stay overnight outside!!!
Got my o level results back and cried like no tomorrow, the consequences of not studying a single shit for o's is this. I can't believed I cried too. Duh. I just hope that weiqian will get into the same course with me, otherwise I'll be feeling so lost again.... I love being alone. But I hate being alone too, I hate the feeling of it. It sucks. I mean being outcasted, doesn't feel good at all hur? Who likes it? But I still love to be alone... I'm weird.
A late night phone call that managed to put pieces of me back in whole again. After getting my results, I felt like a total change person. Ever since that day. Rapid change of mood. Starting to dislike/hate people around me and acting like a bitch, so on. No appetite and feel nauseous everytime I finish my meal. Drifting from social life. Love to stay at home and rot. Bipolar. Depression. Pms. Whatever you call that.
Life's pretty normal, exclude those days that I'm acting like a bitch... Ugh. Oh yes, I celebrated shien's birthday with isabella~ Hehe I was so happy that day to be able to meet them again. It was totally unexpected!!! I miss them!!!!! My best friends from my first secondary school~ I hope she enjoyed her birthday and luv that cake we decorated for her~ That smile on her face when she thank me for coming was really priceless. Luvs.
(Forced to write a note for the birthday girl. Yes, force. -_-)
Spending more and more time with my cousin. Watched "we're not naughty" with her and she was damn hilarious!!!!! 9/10. HAHAHA. Ohyes, we were stuck in jp after that. Dumb me borrowed my portable charger to my lil' sister and she brought it home, worse thing was my battery's dying. Smart me decided to tour around jp and charge my phone~ Attempted to walk home but major fail, we cabbed home halfway. Zzzz~
(I was talking halfway.................)
Then I'm going to swear that today, is almost the worse day of my life. A morning call that brought me a major bad news and my mood is not that good. Then a quarrel. Sorry if I acted like a bitch, but deep down you should know it very clearly yourself. Beebeebum? Seriously? And on this day? wow lol. Gym outing with my cousin was sorta failed. I don't even needa go inside the gym, the sun is like a foc sauna and I was perspiring like mad. In the end, we sat at the carpark nearest to the gym and had a.... 2hours or 3hours talk? LOL. And then we got screened............. I think my cousin was obviously excited to get screened. I don't know why. BUT SO CUTE. HAHAHAHA. ╮(╯_╰)╭ It was okay that we didn't go to gym because we already perspired a lot......... but we went to eat kfc. So instead, we spent today gaining fats. #okcan o(╯□╰)o headache. I'm going to continue enjoy my rotting at home~ The new stay home gurl gurl. heh. Sayo!!
Let me tell you something that I never had the courage to say. I want to be with you.
Follow me at @Downwithloveee for more updates and tag me ok.☺ Love
#1- Be happy.
#2- Be stronger.
#3- Be pretty.
#4- Apply for course and just study
#5- Slim down my fat tummy and legs
#6- Blog more
#7- Get rid of that fear
#8- Settle down
#9- Find my true self, who I really am
#10- Even more independent
The paragraph above was a draft done by me. Obviously number 11 is striked out because I've broken it. Warning, photos are not edited. Where do I start from?... Count down was simple and meaningful I guess, I spent it with my cousin. I spent my countdown bbqing and eating prawns! That was totally unexpected. But I kinda like it when I break free from the social life. I mean, I just want to lead a really ordinary teenage girl life where things are simple and happy. We weren't suppose to have prawns to eat, but the smart me had my ways to get us prawns ^-^ hehe
(My classic way of eating noodles~ ^.<)
Ohmygod, we only had $1.50 inside both of our wallets when we were going to have our dinner. Nets are not available at the bah ku teh store and the posb machine is really far from us. Had no choice but to go to a random restaurant to eat. Their food are damn nice I swear. That's how I spent the last day of 2011 and first day of 2012. I even went home early you know, I didn't stay overnight outside!!!
Got my o level results back and cried like no tomorrow, the consequences of not studying a single shit for o's is this. I can't believed I cried too. Duh. I just hope that weiqian will get into the same course with me, otherwise I'll be feeling so lost again.... I love being alone. But I hate being alone too, I hate the feeling of it. It sucks. I mean being outcasted, doesn't feel good at all hur? Who likes it? But I still love to be alone... I'm weird.
A late night phone call that managed to put pieces of me back in whole again. After getting my results, I felt like a total change person. Ever since that day. Rapid change of mood. Starting to dislike/hate people around me and acting like a bitch, so on. No appetite and feel nauseous everytime I finish my meal. Drifting from social life. Love to stay at home and rot. Bipolar. Depression. Pms. Whatever you call that.
Life's pretty normal, exclude those days that I'm acting like a bitch... Ugh. Oh yes, I celebrated shien's birthday with isabella~ Hehe I was so happy that day to be able to meet them again. It was totally unexpected!!! I miss them!!!!! My best friends from my first secondary school~ I hope she enjoyed her birthday and luv that cake we decorated for her~ That smile on her face when she thank me for coming was really priceless. Luvs.
(Forced to write a note for the birthday girl. Yes, force. -_-)
Spending more and more time with my cousin. Watched "we're not naughty" with her and she was damn hilarious!!!!! 9/10. HAHAHA. Ohyes, we were stuck in jp after that. Dumb me borrowed my portable charger to my lil' sister and she brought it home, worse thing was my battery's dying. Smart me decided to tour around jp and charge my phone~ Attempted to walk home but major fail, we cabbed home halfway. Zzzz~
(I was talking halfway.................)
Then I'm going to swear that today, is almost the worse day of my life. A morning call that brought me a major bad news and my mood is not that good. Then a quarrel. Sorry if I acted like a bitch, but deep down you should know it very clearly yourself. Beebeebum? Seriously? And on this day? wow lol. Gym outing with my cousin was sorta failed. I don't even needa go inside the gym, the sun is like a foc sauna and I was perspiring like mad. In the end, we sat at the carpark nearest to the gym and had a.... 2hours or 3hours talk? LOL. And then we got screened............. I think my cousin was obviously excited to get screened. I don't know why. BUT SO CUTE. HAHAHAHA. ╮(╯_╰)╭ It was okay that we didn't go to gym because we already perspired a lot......... but we went to eat kfc. So instead, we spent today gaining fats. #okcan o(╯□╰)o headache. I'm going to continue enjoy my rotting at home~ The new stay home gurl gurl. heh. Sayo!!
Let me tell you something that I never had the courage to say. I want to be with you.
Follow me at @Downwithloveee for more updates and tag me ok.☺ Love