The girl with Masquerade
Whispers
I lead, follow me
Breathing but dead.
Saturday, 10 December 2011. 2:04 am
I've been wanting to blog few days ago but didn't have the time. Anyway how's my new blogskin?? Hmm, point one will be I'm jobless yup. Adult fare, bills and everything is going to kill me anytime soon. I'm feeling all the pressure.
Pictures attached were taken 1 month ago. Rynne accompanied me to shopping before I start working, sweet right. Haha, k. Met a couple of cute kidz at work which I really love and I even took pictures with them! Will blog it in next post perhaps.
Been spending my days with coussie. Basically for job interviews, shopping and dyeing hair. Dyed my hair maroon red! I wanted to have a new look, sick of looking ugly. I feel ugly and frustrated y'know!!!! >:( I'm not saying this to fish compliments. If only I'm pretty, or at least the prettiest girl in the eyes of someone I love. I wanna be the apple of your eye. Can I? Am I eligible?
Spent too much nowadays and I think I should really camp home next week. Days were like shit when I was working for my previous job. Everyday is just like a routine, I felt so lifeless, repeating and doing the same thing everyday. Working location shifted from yewtee to town. Like shit. I hate town.
Luv rynne, she came down in one of the days to keep me company. Even coussie came down after her work on that day as well. 3 of us watched breaking dawn tgt at cine! Ratings: 9/10. I'm so envy of bella. I want to have a boyfriend like edward, who'll love me unconditionally.
(Ps, this is airbrush tattoo. But isn't this design nice?)
Coussie came over to my house to sleep after the movie and I swear I almost want to kill her. She fucking set 10alarm clocks you know. I don't even need to wake up as early as her and the worse thing is, I can't switch the alarm clocks off so I just have to let it ring and ring and ring~ Can you imagine the alarm clock started ringing from 6am all the way till 8am then she woke up!? Woahmygod...
Worked with coussie as a 1day midnight stock taker as well. It was.... LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL. Kk, we were starting to get sleepy around 5am in da morning and we actually find a "ahem" location to sleep but epic fail. Seriously muthafucking funny. HAHAHAHA. Secretsecret~ :* We tried to crawl and squeeze under the shelf where they put all the items on top, huiru succeeded then when I was about to crawl in.... the supervisor came. LOL. Then I just ran off, okay maybe I should put it in another way: I played hide and seek with him!!!! ^-^
Wherever he walks, I just make sure he doesn't see me and I've to think of some ways to save my coussie out before she get caught. Confirm awkward+ embarrassing. Luckily she realized something's wrong and ran out from the underneath of the shelf when the supervisor went to take some items from other side. LOL. I still remember that I drank 6cups of coffee that day because I had another morning job after that. Even went to a place to hide and sleep..... HAHA K.
Oh, can anyone understand our language? ^-^ This is shared between me and bby btw. We cool right? hehe. I'm lazy to explain every single convo of our's, so I'll just briefly explain a few k.
(I was telling her dog don't produce milk while pigs do, LOL)
(She was like "noooooooo!!!!" So, the embarrassed me was like "woohoo today weather very good. hehe"<<< This sentence was replaced by the sun and cloud emoticon.) HAHA ji creative yi xia. Then she said she saw clouds in our text~ LMAO.
Working location was shifted to sengkang after that. My mood was affected. Woke up early everyday in da morning to bathe and I don't even bother to make up to go work. Traveled to woodlands then bus down to sengkang from there. Had lots of break during work and I was all alone everyday because the weird me, just decides to push away everyone and be alone. It all started with me not talking to them and just ran off to break alone. So I ate my meals alone, shop around alone and spent my time at the mall's staircase alone. Alone. Alone. Alone. I like being alone and I hate it at the same time.
I've been missing the past, far too much that few days at work and even more now. I miss having mom asking if I'm fine every time I lock myself up in the room. I miss having friends to heart2heart talk to. I miss having someone there to care for me or love me. I miss being treated like a princess and doted by people around me. I miss being simple. I miss everything. I miss the naive me. The happy me. Everything changed.
It seems to me that, I can't trust anyone. I can't open up to anyone and sometimes it's not that I don't want to, I just can't because I've no idea what to say. Am I weird?... People around me leaves, change or just decides to give up on me. I can't afford to let myself to get hurt again. I thought so. But I thought wrong. Nobody really cares, correct? I was so wrong.
Maybe I'm just getting more self destructive unknowingly. It just all comes naturally. I don't want to talk about it. I wouldn't forget those days where I ran to the staircase to cry during my break time at work, nobody was there. No one's beside me. No calls. No text. No concern. Nothing. Until there was once, I really couldn't take it and asked rynne to call me. Yep, to hear me cry and talked a lil'. Hell days.
Then I'll always block those emotions and feelings that comes flowing back when I think it's time to stop being sucha loser, I'll rather be emotionless than to be a loser. But this didn't stop the unhappiness in my life and it did not make me feel better.
I've no idea who I am anymore. I'm lost. Who knows that feeling? It feels like I'm breathing, but dead. I really hate life. I'm sick of pretending to be strong or just stay quiet whenever I feel upset. I'm sick of everything. I want to happy again. I never wanted to doubt people's words and actions or restrict myself from doing this, doing that, saying some stuffs, hiding certain emotions and so on. It's terrible. Since when have I become like this? I hate this. I just know that, I've never want to become someone like this neither did I expected it.
--
Sorry for my rants. Do click my nuffnangs advs pretty pls, comment nice at cbox and remember to follow me on twitter. Blog again soon. xoxo
360
I've been wanting to blog few days ago but didn't have the time. Anyway how's my new blogskin?? Hmm, point one will be I'm jobless yup. Adult fare, bills and everything is going to kill me anytime soon. I'm feeling all the pressure.
Pictures attached were taken 1 month ago. Rynne accompanied me to shopping before I start working, sweet right. Haha, k. Met a couple of cute kidz at work which I really love and I even took pictures with them! Will blog it in next post perhaps.
Been spending my days with coussie. Basically for job interviews, shopping and dyeing hair. Dyed my hair maroon red! I wanted to have a new look, sick of looking ugly. I feel ugly and frustrated y'know!!!! >:( I'm not saying this to fish compliments. If only I'm pretty, or at least the prettiest girl in the eyes of someone I love. I wanna be the apple of your eye. Can I? Am I eligible?
Spent too much nowadays and I think I should really camp home next week. Days were like shit when I was working for my previous job. Everyday is just like a routine, I felt so lifeless, repeating and doing the same thing everyday. Working location shifted from yewtee to town. Like shit. I hate town.
Luv rynne, she came down in one of the days to keep me company. Even coussie came down after her work on that day as well. 3 of us watched breaking dawn tgt at cine! Ratings: 9/10. I'm so envy of bella. I want to have a boyfriend like edward, who'll love me unconditionally.
(Ps, this is airbrush tattoo. But isn't this design nice?)
Coussie came over to my house to sleep after the movie and I swear I almost want to kill her. She fucking set 10alarm clocks you know. I don't even need to wake up as early as her and the worse thing is, I can't switch the alarm clocks off so I just have to let it ring and ring and ring~ Can you imagine the alarm clock started ringing from 6am all the way till 8am then she woke up!? Woahmygod...
Worked with coussie as a 1day midnight stock taker as well. It was.... LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL. Kk, we were starting to get sleepy around 5am in da morning and we actually find a "ahem" location to sleep but epic fail. Seriously muthafucking funny. HAHAHAHA. Secretsecret~ :* We tried to crawl and squeeze under the shelf where they put all the items on top, huiru succeeded then when I was about to crawl in.... the supervisor came. LOL. Then I just ran off, okay maybe I should put it in another way: I played hide and seek with him!!!! ^-^
Wherever he walks, I just make sure he doesn't see me and I've to think of some ways to save my coussie out before she get caught. Confirm awkward+ embarrassing. Luckily she realized something's wrong and ran out from the underneath of the shelf when the supervisor went to take some items from other side. LOL. I still remember that I drank 6cups of coffee that day because I had another morning job after that. Even went to a place to hide and sleep..... HAHA K.
Oh, can anyone understand our language? ^-^ This is shared between me and bby btw. We cool right? hehe. I'm lazy to explain every single convo of our's, so I'll just briefly explain a few k.
(I was telling her dog don't produce milk while pigs do, LOL)
(She was like "noooooooo!!!!" So, the embarrassed me was like "woohoo today weather very good. hehe"<<< This sentence was replaced by the sun and cloud emoticon.) HAHA ji creative yi xia. Then she said she saw clouds in our text~ LMAO.
Working location was shifted to sengkang after that. My mood was affected. Woke up early everyday in da morning to bathe and I don't even bother to make up to go work. Traveled to woodlands then bus down to sengkang from there. Had lots of break during work and I was all alone everyday because the weird me, just decides to push away everyone and be alone. It all started with me not talking to them and just ran off to break alone. So I ate my meals alone, shop around alone and spent my time at the mall's staircase alone. Alone. Alone. Alone. I like being alone and I hate it at the same time.
I've been missing the past, far too much that few days at work and even more now. I miss having mom asking if I'm fine every time I lock myself up in the room. I miss having friends to heart2heart talk to. I miss having someone there to care for me or love me. I miss being treated like a princess and doted by people around me. I miss being simple. I miss everything. I miss the naive me. The happy me. Everything changed.
It seems to me that, I can't trust anyone. I can't open up to anyone and sometimes it's not that I don't want to, I just can't because I've no idea what to say. Am I weird?... People around me leaves, change or just decides to give up on me. I can't afford to let myself to get hurt again. I thought so. But I thought wrong. Nobody really cares, correct? I was so wrong.
Maybe I'm just getting more self destructive unknowingly. It just all comes naturally. I don't want to talk about it. I wouldn't forget those days where I ran to the staircase to cry during my break time at work, nobody was there. No one's beside me. No calls. No text. No concern. Nothing. Until there was once, I really couldn't take it and asked rynne to call me. Yep, to hear me cry and talked a lil'. Hell days.
Then I'll always block those emotions and feelings that comes flowing back when I think it's time to stop being sucha loser, I'll rather be emotionless than to be a loser. But this didn't stop the unhappiness in my life and it did not make me feel better.
I've no idea who I am anymore. I'm lost. Who knows that feeling? It feels like I'm breathing, but dead. I really hate life. I'm sick of pretending to be strong or just stay quiet whenever I feel upset. I'm sick of everything. I want to happy again. I never wanted to doubt people's words and actions or restrict myself from doing this, doing that, saying some stuffs, hiding certain emotions and so on. It's terrible. Since when have I become like this? I hate this. I just know that, I've never want to become someone like this neither did I expected it.
--
Sorry for my rants. Do click my nuffnangs advs pretty pls, comment nice at cbox and remember to follow me on twitter. Blog again soon. xoxo
360
passer: I guess this is really hard to believe, but I feel exactly the same as you do. Life has given me a lot of crap as well. Just thinking of death everyday, fml.
-Hope that at least you know that you're not alone :')
Hi: i think you should put center parting lorh!! looks damn nice on you leh!!
-Hahahaha you sucha nice person!! Thankyou~
J: heyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
-Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii.
Guest: Do you do treatment for your hair?
-Of course!
passerby: hi, what camera did you use for the first two photos of your 21st nov post. It seems really nice :)
-Thankyou! It's my cousin's (yeeling) dslr! I'm not sure about the model :/
passerby: hi where did you bought the lens from? Which shopping mall in jb? Is it ksl city?:)
-Yep! They have two pushcarts in the mall that sells contact lens. One at ground floor, another one at top floor if I'm not wrong!
psb: hi , which shopping mall you went at msia ? how much was the lens ?!
-Hello. Ksl! It's very near custom. The lens was only like $13 or $14 per pair!!! Somemore buy 5 or 6, get 1 pair free. Omgggg. LOL
Advice: 18mm is unhealthy for your eyes in the long run.
-I already know that. Thanks for telling me though.
-: hi
-hi.