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Goh Kailing †

The girl with Masquerade
Fb:▲ Hotmail:▲
Whispers
I lead, follow me
    The climb

    I wish I had the guts to walk away from what we had. But I can't because I know you won't come after me
    Tuesday, 23 August 2011. 9:00 pm


    I had a bad day.



    An aching combination of hurtful occurrences, unkind attitudes and words from people who are supposed to care about me, trigger points to various struggles of mine, and a small pile of minor irritations compiled on me to the point of breaking.

    I shattered.

    The world felt incredibly empty... I feel as though I have very little worth to anyone. It's killing me in every way that nobody understands me. I'm struggling to survive, to bear with the pain and everything. Sometimes, I wish I won't have to know so much about certain things that will actually kill me silently.

    Fuck love. I wish I don't have to feel all this sucky emotions anymore. I mean something this very moment, I mean nothing at the very next moment. 

    ▲▲▲

    The routine starts all over again, I willingly went back and allow it to have opportunities to hurt me once more. I feel so worthless now, I feel like a crap. I wish I can continue to grow stronger this way, I will get up.

    Hmm, I've made up my mind to continue to work in the pub without bby, I want to continue to be independent and I need to survive. Continue learning through communicating with different people. 
    I'm quite terrified of being treated nicely, worried that I would go back to the weak me again. Also, I experienced awful brainthinking processes this few days. New sets of rules for me to follow, I need determination again.

    Who I really am? What will I become of.  Why did I became like this? Humans are the scariest creature in this world to me. I'm so afraid of admitting that I love someone. I wouldn't even dare to trust anyone now. It just sucks as much as I want to blog my full thoughts here but I just can't. I need a private space, totally.


    Tomorrow's o level english oral, I hope I don't flunk it. God bless me, xoxo.

    - The terrified girl @Downwithloveee

    Copyrighted 2007.