Wednesday, 6 July 2011. 6:44 am



I've been wanting to give up on blogging very long ago but can't bear to do it because I've blogged for more than 4years. How can I just give up just like this? Moreover, I need a space to write my thoughts out. Although it's just like almost a month ever since I blog, but a lot of changes took place. I smiled more, cried more, all the ups and downs. It hurts to admit this, but life still goes on...


I'm someone who goes out almost everyday so I'm getting lazier to take photos. Thus, please bear with the super over due photos. Also, I did not edit most of the photos because I find it pointless to do so plus I'm lazy. Please enjoy my ugly faces ;>

















Spent my June holidays prawning and clubbing mostly. Omg I'm super in love with prawning!!! As for clubbing... I'm getting a bit sick of it. Ohyes, I've won second place in the hellokitty contest held by smoove.















I'm blabbering all the random things I can remember if you notice...
















For last month, celebrated ciacia's birthday, as well as ben's. Ciacia's birthday celebration was held at carter's house. Crazy bby and her went to the pool for a swim at 2am and 3am went to suana -__-.. not forgetting pratas for breakfast. Had dinner with grande manior members(baby, henry, zenshiro, ben) and with bby, carter, ciacia along as well. The dinner cost 200 over bucks and I only ate a bit.... fml. Hiakhiak, but advantage is that baby was the one who feed me with all the crab meats which means I don't have to dirty my hands ^^v











Ben's birthday was at Butterfly; thai pub. Drinking session. It wasn't my day, I ended up crying for pathetic 3hours after that.... survived the whole day without sleep and since I wasn't in the mood to sleep, I cabbed over to hospital with mom to visit grandpa.











The most memorable part of June was of course, my "first year anniversary" with baby. Caught green lantern with him and carter. I just realized that baby and I didn't took any photos :( Hopefully we will be spamming a lot soon, not forgetting my neoneos!!!!!!! Meet baby everyday ever since that day, I couldn't express how happy I was. ♥ One thing for sure, I felt happier. Of course, the "higher you rise, the harder you fall"...

Routines. Heaven and hell. Hot and cold. Never dying love. You made me feel that I'm loved by you, but the next day you just live your life like as if I don't exist. A very short moment in heaven and spent the rest of my June in hell, crying even more badly than I used to. I can't help but to wonder what keeps me going on, how did I love like I've never been hurt before?








Tried my best to stood by baby when he needed someone. I hope that it made him feel better. Spent our morning at changi airport because I said that I want to see airplanes. LOL. Still spent our money on bah gua over there and I keep complaining that I want heartshaped bah gua. ♥.♥













Went over to Ben's house, intending to sleep there for a short nap. Most fun and scary part: we actually ninja inside his house-__- Omg, you're gonna be amazed if you ever see that. LOLOL. Got myself a lot of cuts by doing that, argh. Managed to surprise my ciacia!!! Had beehoon with them and we're snatching each other's vegetables and prawns. Epic scene. I'm so glad that I still manage to keep my 2 prawns so did the rest... Lmfao :x Random: I think my chopstick skills is (Y). Finally I'm better in something as compared to baby. Bathed and everything and baby helped me to blow my hair as well as combing it. Felt like a loved princess!






Cuddled with baby to sleep all the way till 11pm.___. Had some famous bah kut teh with them as well as taohuey. Fucking naise!! Omg, I wanna go back to eat it again, badly :( and then walked back to ben's house. I'm not going to forget how far I walked with my 4cm high heels. Spammed rock candies while using lappy. I don't know what got into me that day, I was in a "forever lack of sleep" mode. K.oed as early as 2am plus, wow. Woke up by Andre at 5am plus, great. Watched some lame anime with baby as well as my gossipgirls and slept at 8am, all the way to 6pm? Gosh.




















Went over to bishan to find my bby and ciacia. Had our dinner and randomly walked around. The best part was, I walked around with my naked face.... I even took photos. Can't be bothered recently because what I really mind is how I look in baby's eyes.











Home around 1am and here I am. Might be doing a small dedication post next time. Stay tune and leave a comment, click my nuffnang too.



I've been struggling to survive. I admit that I'm weak, I'm not someone who's independent. I'm trying so hard forcing myself to be strong or at least, look strong. That feeling is awful. Been wanting to just end my life, but I did not, because of the ones I love.








What's up lately? Why life is getting more and more difficult for me. It surprised me by how each of my loved ones love me like as if I'm the only one in the world and next moment, I'm just someone in their life. It hurts me and the next thing I'm going to say is... it hurts me more because I've get used to all this. All the routines. Is there really someone out there who'll never ever be sick of me? Why is it that even though I'm used to it and things are already expected, I'm still hurting? Can I just pretend that I'm someone without feelings?



I'm down here, hoping and dying that some better changes will happen. I've given up hope in life, given up hope in everything, only excluding someone. My head constantly tells me that I'm gonna be more hurt if I get close to you again but I just follow my heart, every single time. Allowing us to create more memories, allowing myself to be happy for a few days and allowing myself.. doubling the hurt once you start to live like as if I don't exist again.



Even though I know that I'm just gonna get more and more hurt if this routine continues but I'll rather it to be this way, than to be totally drift way from you, than to really let you go. It wasn't easy at all, it isn't easy now either, to love you. 385 days of love.

I know it and I'm accepting it. The fact that you will never love me as much as I love you and maybe, we won't even be able to be officially together ever again? I know, you're not going to buy it if I say that I truly do love you and that I'll do anything for you. Sorry, but it's true. I hope time tells and actions prove.

The fact that maybe you'll choose someone else, something else or even some influences over me... It killed me, inside out. A small part of me misses the old me. The old me, who didn't went through all this shits, never knew how to pretend to be strong, never knew how to keep some things to myself, never knew how to force myself to continue living on and not to hurt myself. 



It hurts, when I asked you to say " I love you" to me, because I know, I might not get to hear it from you if I don't ask you to. I might not be able to continue being "strong".

I still love you like as if I've not been hurt before. I give in more and more, compromise more and more, sacrifice more and more even when I know what exactly we're going to be like. Lovers> strangers>friends>lovers>strangers... Can I be proven wrong once of this stupid fucking routines and the things I predicted. 



I feel like as if all this I'm feeling and facing is making me breathless soon. I know that there's always someone out there who's even worse than I'm doing now... But I'm sick of life. Can it get any better?! Please. 

I hope this makes me feel better, I love my baby Cljs ♥. 10more days, I wanna spam photos. Sorry for abrupt end.

This is still a I love you message ;)

:B: where you go edit this pic ? https://picasaweb.google.com/lh/photo/FSNwlv32qxSpdMVqcZliBuk0Y-c7n34JU7uW3d58ukA?feat=embedwebsite
-Photoscape.

-: You've a great personality. Be strong alright? I dont know you well, but be strong! There's your parents that love you wholeheartly.
-Hah parents?.. Alright thanks :)

-: hey i chanced upon you twice before . You're rlly pretty yeah .
-Hmm, thanks. Do say hi next time!

S.: If you don't post frequently..... you'll lose blog readers. seriously. :\ So post more!
-Sorry :/ Will blog more frequently already!!

pb: at which outlet in cine did u bought the 'it's me' from?
-its not really a shop. Those tempo flea stores at cine basement. Dont think they're selling anymore, i bought it like 3months plus ago.

Passby: Hi . chio bu ;)
-Er hi o.0?

Passerby :): Which brand of eyeliner are u using? How come your liner wont smudge ): Do u use any concealor,, which brand do u use? Thanks alot!
-Makemania and k palette :) It's liquid eyeliner plus waterproof. And I don't sweat easily, thus my eyeliner dont smudge.

P: Hi, any blogshop recommendations for lens? Thank you (:
-Er sorry currently no >< lili: what hair color you dye? nice ;P
-idk whats my hair color x.x

Jol: Hey,i sympathise with you. If you really really love him, why not do all your best to get him back? I'm sure your love for each other has been strong. Don't cry anymore,don't be upset. They don't work. Jiayouh babe. I know how you feel. TOTALLY. Be strong. Live everyday with hope. Its difficult. But try:D don't be upset. You only live life once.
-Already doing so ;) Thanks alot.

J: I nearly cry after reading your latest post .. Cheers up babe !
-Will do, thanks ;)

psb: tagged.:)
-Appreciate it :)

pa$$er-by: It's not worth slashing yourself over a guy. It's not worth the hurt and the scars, especially when it would remind you of the hurt when you look back at the scars.
-I didnt slash myself._.

Heyhey(:: May I know what white eyeliner are you using? ^^
-I dont use white eyeliner._.


CongLe: LingLing. Reading your latest post makes me feel like crying T.T Yeah, its hard to forget & let go. I know I damn long comment already heehee. Anyways, Zhen zuo okay! Gambateh! (L)
-Love ya!

Psbbby!: you really look like a model ! where can you edit your background and photo really Nice:) Cheerup Nice Girl ^^
-Hahahaha thanks a lot. Er picnik.com :)

Passerby: Please cheer up.:D
-Will do, thanks :)

Jocelyn: I'm going to poke you till you die of laughter! MWHAHAHAHAA! (L)
-Faster meet me again la!

Psb: What sch r u in !
-Not schooling.

Kailin: where you edit you photo?
-picnik.com

Kailin: you using what phone? you single or what you look pretty :)
- LG android touch screen phone. In a complicated relationship. Thanks :)

Kailin: Mind me asking you you use what to take photo?
-Camera?

:]: Hope you win the Kitty Contest! (:
-Got the second prize ;) thanks!

xiaoshan: babeeee~! rem me? didn't chat with you for a very long time eh ^^
-Ya! ^^

passer: hi, do you have any good blogshops to intro that sells geos lens and arrives fast? thanks.:)
-Er, currently nope. Sorry >< Lili: You evrything time go oit always use make up? of nevr make up?
-I would say most of the time. Only sometimes I don't wear make up.

Lili: Hellloo..
-Hi?

psb: where u buy yr white clothes frm? 28may post
- Fareast.

Randomperson: Oh really? Don't look like you. HAHA. :D
-I don't look good in side views especially. haha.

Lormee: Rmb me ?:)
-Yup!

psb: where is ur selling post?
-http://downwith-loveee.blogspot.com/2011/05/selling-post-preloves.html

k: u used to be so friendly and helpful... what happened... now ur like so dao and not as friendly as before. sry. u really change alot, miss the old u. please stay happy k? :) try to smile. stay strong.
-Sorry :/ but sometimes I get lazy to reply because the questions everyone is asking have been repeating and repeating. Will still be friendly to my readers ;) Thanks!

IRY: Hi,kailing Long time no chat IMY(L)
-Do i know you?

Eve: I really like your blog posts! Blog more k ^^
-That's encouraging :) Thanks!

Passer123: The most recent contacts that you;re wearing :)
-Er supernudy brown, ifairy nova brown, ifairy rose blue, super angel brown?

Passer: Where did you get this blogskin??
-blogskins.com

Passerby ^^: What is yp? :$
-Young Punk.