For that 6months being with you, it seems short and sweet but yet long and torturous. It must've not been a good time spending this 6months with me........ what I witnessed was me being a extra burden for you. You protected me, just like I'm a small child who needs protection. You told me to speak to you, whenever I need advices. We promised each other forever. I clearly remembered how angry you were when you saw me posting a facebook status that says "forever is nothing" when you came out from your bath. You ignored me for hours....................

There's so much memories that I can say on and on, yet it seems pointless now. I crumpled all the stuffs I've done for our 6th monthsary and all the materials I've prepared for our supposed to be 1st anniversary. You left, you gave up. I can't possibly be hanging on forever?... It seems like a thousand bullets going through my heart whenever mom and dad mentions your name. 

I stayed up every night and can't help wondering why things ended so quickly between us. Guess I couldn't hide this from myself anymore, I've played a part in fucking things up too. For this 6months after you left, what I went through was hell, every single night. I can't stop picking up the idea of slitting myself and I clearly didn't do it because you threw away the penknife I specially bought to harm myself, telling me in the face that if I ever hurt myself again, you'll not forgive me and you'll slit yourself even deeper. Why? Tell me what should I do to stop the hurt. I'm sick of pretending to be strong, even hiding from myself the fact that I'm weak.

You must've hate me by now. When I start finding a guy to replace you and I did it, even unknowingly start to like him. Go away, leave me alright. I just want everyone to know that I don't deserve anyone okay. I never did. I made it clear who I've given up on, who I'm dying to give up on but yet I just can't do it. The difference is that, I know that we've been through too much together. Tell me, how can I forget someone who gave me so much to remember?.........

I don't have the courage to text you or neither do I have the rights to post on your wall the birthday wishes. At 00:00am, I dedicated a song for you on my facebook wall. Maybe you'll see this, maybe you'll see my facebook wall..... or maybe you won't even bother to check on me anymore. Nevertheless, what I want to say to you is: Happy 19th Birthday my beebeebum, there's nothing I want more other than you being happy. Leave me happily, don't look back anymore alright.... be happy with her. Regardless who's the "her". I'll forever remember the times we spent together, the day... you called me your wife. I've no idea how to bid goodbye. Sorry for not celebrating this year's birthday, I know you won't want me there. The end. 

- Downwithloveee