Harsh reality's been forcing me to change in the hard way, I don't like it all. As I walk, I try to lessen the weight of my heart. To a place neither close nor far, where a different me stands by. The one that don't fear, don't tear, don't open up.

Some people been over concerning me and i don't know why, i tend to get easily irritated and annoyed by them. I cannot stand it at all. Like, I'm not the girlie little me anymore, I try to handle things myself and not rely on other people. I start hating people to ask about my personal affairs especially. Hey, I'm doing far too fine on my own, don't fucking look down on me, thanks. Argh.




Have you ever clicked open someone's facebook pop up chat or even msn and type "Hi. I miss you, xoxo." And then backspaced?... I just did so, like everyday. I feel retarded. And yes, I won't fall for any guy who's not find for true love, who won't protect me, be there when i need them. I call this self love, i never want to go through that heartbreaking pain again. But I admit it, that i love him, stalking his facebook everyday like it's my daily routine, over think my status again and again just in case he reads them and i look at our photos every single day...






I keep having mixed emotions nowadays, up down up down up down. But well, i think i made an improvement.. I didn't try hurting myself whatsoever shit or even cry. However nowadays i keep having the urge to call someone to cry over the phone as loud as i could, as long as i could and tell that person, i miss you and I'm contented. I'm weird. Ok.. i think i need some icecream to maintain.











I'm getting more and more less motivated for school, i feel that my life is aimless. It's lacking of directions. CA is coming in few day's time, sigh. Alright, i think i shld stop ranting awhile and start talking about my school week!









Basically i met bby around 5plus after school at woodlands on monday to get piercings. Bby got her labret piercing finally after much influence from me, wasted alot saliva of mine. LOLOL! I got two piercings too though, planning to get another two next week or so? But i won't be going for facial piercing, this is one of the promises i won't break for myself, for sure. Never. So, anyone wanna give me some recommendations which type of piercing suits me and i shld go for it? :) I will appreciate that.







Was rlly in a rush and we cabbed down to clarke quay after tht. Alright, fucked up ttm! Unlucky enough, we met a super duper old taxi driver who didn't even know where we're going despite the fact that we gave him the exact address! And then we have to keep fucking repeating things we say and even shout because he can't hear. Ok maybe we shldn't blame him for that, people do age... BUT the most ridiculous thing is.. HE TRIED TO HOOK UP ON US. @#$%^%$#@!^%#@. Totally cannot stand it.









Settled our stuffs there, met bby's brother and her friend, went to eat ba kut teh!!!! xoxo. I think i will go down clarke quay again to eat ^^ Imma ba kut teh lover from small, ♥.♥ awwwww. Not forgetting icecream, i will eat my b&j plus sweensen icecream next week!!!!! *cross hand, promise myself. LOL. After our super duper late, headed home.. 1am :( Fucking shag for schl next day ogeh!!!!





Another funny thing, bby's labret piercing closed the very next day! HAHAHAHAHA. Ok, she just repierced it ytd, wish her luck then. As for thursday, me joscelin and shantell went to buy mc during our breaktime to skip the afternoon lesson. I hate afternoon lessons about some stupid life skills, waste of my time. Best thing is, I'm even wearing makeup and dressed up to see the doctor -__- haha.




 Met bby after tht at cityhall as we wanna get to penisula to check out the inking's price. Sadly the shop didnt open :( and we ended up dining at pizza hut! It feels like as if I went to cityhall all the way from jurong just to eat pizza hut -___- HA HA.




Food was super delicious! whooooooop. Trained down to bugis for some mini shopping, a mini shopping that  immediately emptied our wallets.... == for me, i bought a super duper chio brown leather jacket!!!!!! omg finally i bought it ^^ yayness! Met keyin as well, went home at 11plus.







Friday was a disaster, totally. I kept richard and haozhe waiting at bugis for me, for 2hours plus.... omg so guilty :( Trained down to class chalet, downtown after that! Bbq was not rlly fantastic... -___- Nvm. Super frustrating things happened, met bby around 12am at cine together with shane~~










Caught "no strings attached", i must say i super love this movie! The storyline, the character of the main characters, perfect. But it triggers some of my past memories and i felt abit upset. Oh well. Cabbed to ecp after that to a thai pub.







The thai girls there are omfg pretty! Love thier complexion and eyes. Sigh! Why singapore girls are ugly as compared to other female foreigners :( Fml. Drank and all. Had a hard time taking care of my stupid bby as she was semi drunk and ain't feeling well. Was feeling a lil high and both of us walked in a zic zac mode down the stairs... which resulted in me falling down the stairs -___- It was like wtf. I even had a cut on my hand!











Cabbed back home in the morning and i was throwing up in the cab. Many things happened and i don't feel like saying it. Slept all the way, cloud rang me and stuffs. Fuck. It's super perfect short word to describe all my mixed emotions. Too many things i want to say, but this is a public blog. So i guess not. Thats all for today, miss me yah.

Kindly click my nuffnangs and keep the comments up alright as i will only be blogging according to numbers of the tags! I will prolly start selling the lashes i'm using or clothes i  haven't wore before soon :) Do stay tune!

To you: you know what? I can't fall for someone else, open up to the rest or even give any commitment to anyone but you.

I dontknow who i'm trying to change for, myself? Or you? 


There was too much things i want to tell, but i can't. I wanted to tell you i miss you and that i want to hear your voice for a longer time, it's been so long. This is the only reason why i didn't want to hang up and start blabbering nonsensical questions. Sorry, and you'll never know. Just admit it, tell me I'm not the only girl you love, just be frank and stop me from guessing and hurting myself. Tell me you're forgetting me. I hate myself. This is driving me crazy. Sooner or later. And to be frank, i read your blog, the link that nobody knows, and i'm sure about this. The guy im in love with, is the old you who would love his girlfriend like no tomorrow. Willing to study, work, to support her. And forget it, save it, if you can fall in love with other girls, calling them whatever sweetnames you can think of, giving free hearts, then you're definitely not that guy i love.