Saturday, 22 January 2011. 9:20 pm


I hate my current state. To be so emotionless. I'm happy, but there ain't any true smiles being wore on my mouth. I'm upset, but there ain't any tears coming down from my eyes. I'm running away from his harsh reality i realized, again and again.. i can't help but to protect you from people who wants to hurt you. Again and again, i convinced myself that you are still the one i knew. I heard 1 2 3 too many lies, gave 1 2 3 too many chances... You thought that a apology from you won't make me forgive you. Wrong. You'll hit on my weakness.. 




Hi there, i have blogged at least once a week okie! Will blog twice/thrice a week next week >: Schl for the first two weeks was enjoyable for me as i have my classmates entertaining me and stuffs... but from the third week onwards, i'm abit sick of schl. Furthermore, i have some shits happening...  S I G H.



Like wtf !@#$%^%$#@#%^%$#$%, i have every single subject teacher complaining tht i use hp in class and to add on, after they gave me thier warnings, i still continue use -___- Omfg smlj, since when did i ignored their warnings. Zzzz, and as long as i score for my test it will be fine to me alr. Kpkb..







And oh yes, i feel guilty or rather bad >: I just thought tht in my current state, yes.. i am not in good condition to love someone, i simply can't. So i thought tht it'll be better for me to have someone who loves me. Isn't it so. Ended up wrong... my old habits(Disgusting feelings) came back again... people who knows me well shld know what i'm saying.









I've been emoing in schl nowadays. Sometimes, i rlly over stressed myself and i suck in making choices... it made me feel extremely suicidal. I seem to have traveled down the road of our past, thinking about you.. thinking about we.. thinking about us.. And the saddest part will be... nobody knows whether we'll be back together again, or not. It feels like a thousand knife stabbing inside my heart the whole day long and yet i can't express it out.. i feel nothing at times. Numb.







Being numb and being strong, i think i would prefer being numb. I set safety barriers between me and all loved  ones, excluding xxxxx and xxxxx. I really can't afford to break down at times like this. I wish that i could be back to a ordinary girl living a simple life which i used to. My life would be revolving around family and studies. Perhaps then, i wouldnt go thru and suffer so much... I don't like it when i feel that i have no one to speak my thoughts to, to pour everything out...








Ok, enough of my personal feelings.. think i bored the hell outta you .___. PH with my bbgs 2weeks ago on ladies night. Drinked and danced with them! Had mac for breakfast in a big group as usual, togetherness!!! Hahahahah.





I'll be lessening my number of nights spent in clubs. Oh, before i forgot.. H3h3, i want to con graduate myself for successfully tuning my bodyclock right and also ton for at most 2nights in one week!!!! woooooo \m/ Now my dark circles and skin condition is slowly becoming better v^^v Ok, prolly not so jialat nia -__-





Cny and valetine's coming pretty soon! Guess all the girls have bought thier cny clothes ya, i've bought mine like 1week plus ago. lolololol! Been chionging on mainly korean clothes and japanese as well. I can't stand all those typical singaporean in my closet == Will be either selling/giving/throwing them away ._____. heh..



Lol, tomorrow's sunday alr :/ Hate sundays and mondays! Prolly sleeping back again later on, chances of me going out will be low. Thats all, tata my readers!!!!!!! MUST CLICK MY NUFFNANGS, COME BACK MORE OFTEN AND LEAVE A TAG IF POSSIBLE :) Will be replying tags when there's more! hehe.

The worst feeling is when someone makes you feel special for a moment, then suddenly leaves you hanging, and you have to act like you don't care at all. When you finally realise it's pointless, that someone will drag you back again.. Some people want your money so they can buy Range Rovers and diamond bracelets, but I don't care about that kind of stuff. I want your soul. Baby, will you be my valentine? I hate waiting.


I'm, I'll. Always be in love with you, Cloudlam. Xiaoss! (U) Please stay happy... I'm just another girl you liked before. Fall for another one, another better one...