Thursday, 2 September 2010. 6:39 pm


Life's been a bore all this while. Work,studies & quarrels evolving around me. There's so many unspoken words that i can't confess. Thru all the truths that I've faced, I've learned not to be close to anyone so that i wouldn't be hurt again. Just tell me, what you want from me? Aren't all of you happy that I won't care... anymore?

Again & again, I tell myself to stop deceiving myself, all the truths are scaring me. Why humans changes so quickly?............ Who are you? Someone i no longer knows, my dear. I really miss you, alot :( Its like you've disappeared from this world & you'd never come back ever again. I tried to give in everything i can, everything that i'm able to do...but nothing seems to work. It's like promises are just alphabets to you, but they are something that can cure my unsecure feeling.

I shld stop trying to change the reality. Why bother to do so? When i know the ugly truth, i realised i've been the fool & the joke all this while I would've never thought that the person who hurt me the most, would be the person i loved the most. If i didn't encounter all this myself, I'd continue to be foolish forever.... Perhaps, nothing changed, bcos its just a pretence from the start.

Now, I just wanna fly far away from here, to a place way above this scary atmosphere. Where should I go? Nobody knows. I really don't have the courage & confidence to carry on anymore. The atmosphere is so awkward. Its filled with silence, I can hear the fear in me crying out loud. The misery in me shouting out loud, wanting to end all this shits. The hurting thoughts that's stinging me. The sound of my heart breaking like how a glass shattered. Hurt me once, twice, thrice..countless times & forgets ...about it. Silence, is a girl's loudest cry. & i finally get it, people in love tend to do the foolish & wrong things they should not be doing.

Since, none of you realised the mistake...then i can only keep blaming myself to feel better. So that, at least i know....there's someone in the wrong.............it would be so wrong if everyone's right.

I'm a fool.

Bee, i miss you. Just, we are not the same anymore...don't you realise it? We no longer behave like a couple, we no longer spent time together. Even a small request, like meeting you..requires a reason....All this small little things...are forcing me to giveup. I really miss you!!! :'(  But why are you hurting me..again again &again...till..i canot recognise myself...till...i lost the feeling of carrying on, even my life. Do you know that?.... Maybe you don't realised it.....the way i'm treating you now, is totally different. Bcos i find no point treating you better & better anymore..it will only hurt myself. Idw to be close to anyone, i'm scared of being hurt. The first anni card, is the only thing that can prove that the guy i once loved do exist.......................................... If this carry on....i want & need some time...to slowly slowly not putting you as the first pirority...so that...it wouldnt hurt you so much anymore when you are doing all the stuffs that are hurting me so much....so much.