Kerene Salvatore Valentino (U)

A anti depressant pill.

2012-02-03T03:52:00.006+08:00

First of all, I'm blogging like this, my face --> (>_.). My left eye is having infections again. Ok. Phone, twitter, facebook and even blog is currently like a cemetery. I no longer bother to update them or interact with others, why? I wanna get away so badly because I'm suffocating and sick of everything. My thoughts and feelings change literally at the flick of a switch. I'm having a very turn off feeling 24/7 and fears that I can't switch off. Fear of going out, fear of mixing with certain people, fear of falling, fear of this world, fear of myself, fear of cigarettes and everything. Bipolar, dual personalities and depression. All this are making me sick of life. I'm sick of life anyway, there isn't any reason for me to be happy. Absolutely nothing. In fact, I'm broken. Shattered, inside out.

Typing diary entries in my hard disk became a habit and right now, something went wrong... it's unable to connect to my lappy. If it can't be fixed, I would only be more upset. My 1 year entries, poof gone. Nothing's right. I don't get it, guesses and instincts. I don't get it because the truth really breaks my heart. I miss being gullible, at times. No guesses. No precautions. No hidden agenda. No fears. No mind games. Nothing. Simple and straightforward.

Chinese new year, a dream that collapsed. I spent my 3 days official with I've no idea how to address this person. So, been running to his house back then. Days were good, and short. Enjoyed couple outings and stuffs. Oh, chanced upon this random aunty that's so cute (I suppose), she mistook us as a 20year old+ married couple. By the way, you'll only see faces of me in this whole post because I'm lazy to take photos with the rest~ So sorry, please bear with my face and there's a lot of photos I'm lazy to edit... so, bear with it. Arigtao.

Day1- Went over to my relative's house to bai nian and then went over to his house. A short nap over there, ok we did the fucken most cute, sweet and awkward thing seriously. Lifetime experience. HAHA, too bad that's gonna be a secret between us v^-^v "If you're going to continue lose weight, I'm not gonna want you. You can go ahead gaining weight though, I'll want you." Went over to stanley's house to gamble. I'm so glad that I didn't gamble... majority of the people there lose. Banker's the biggest winner. That was a sleepless night, watching people to gamble.... I'm mad. Cabbed over to my house with him and the most fantastic thing happened. It was only 7am in the morning, for-god-knows-what-reason my dad woke up........... here comes the awkward situation between my dad and him. Glad both of them didn't put me in a difficult position, it was rather obvious and fake... LOL. I was only mumbling to myself "awkward moment... awkward moment..." Bathed and re-makeup, went out to bai nian again. Yes, without sleep.

Day2- Junjie's house was the first one we visited. Cabbed over to kirby's house next, what the shit... I swear her sister's room as well as her's are very well decorated. Holy hell, can I exchange room with her?!?!?!?!?!?! Now I'm very tempted go on with my plan: paint my walls blue, draw sitch around my walls ^-^~ Paste photos of my loved ones. Put red and black curtains. Black mirror. Black closet. Sigh. Ok continue, cabbed over to junjie's relative house. I was really getting sleepy........... and fell asleep there. LOL then the funniest thing happened-__-... When I woke up, I was still in *blur mode* so I still have no idea everyone is going off, and they were waiting for me. They yelled for me, yet I didn't hear them. I bet my brain and ears were not functioning. He was playing his stupid game cards and neglected me, so cannot blame me for for falling asleep :( I'm not that krazy to keep seeing them play cards, I don't have the energy as well!! Steamboat next, another sleepless night. So I didn't sleep for 2 nights.................... Ok can. The rest cabbed back home while leaving both of us alone there. My virgin experience falling sleeping in a fast food restaurant till morning, honestly I've no idea whether we're cute or what. Cabbed back home in the morning, mad sleepy.

Day3- Ok basically I stayed home and sleep for the whole day. My cousin, huiru came over to my house and we had steamboat together! Next day, which is Day4 then I went over to his house again. Short nap again and cabbed over to ahbee's house. There was a cute dog over there and I actually touch her..... Ok, it's a her. She freaking licked my lips!!!!!!!!! Oh god........... Virgin dog kiss. Adorable dog I swear. Carter's house was next, gambled a lil' and expected I lose every single dollar. Zzzzzzzzzzzz. What's with my luck. Cabbed over to junjie's house with him, ok seriously you guys should hear the conversation him and the cab uncle. Arguing over whatever road exit shit. Next, continue gamble. No, I freaking watched them to gamble the whole night again. I'm mad... Went home in the late morning, last good bye kiss. "I love you. So you don't need those bags, clothes and shoes. You don't need them to make me love you."

Nightmare begun.

Kisses, cuddles, hugs and all the sweet conversations. Everything that's tearing me apart, every single second. I thought I should be immune to it since I've gone through this for almost a hundred times and have expected this right from the start, I was wrong. I've put all my heart in it again, yes again. Apparently I allowed feelings to override my logical thinking, for the thousandth time. Bad habit, hard to die. You don't just give up on people you love. What to do about that?

When I'm trying so hard to be perfect, no one cares but yet when I commit a mistake... everyone remembers. When I'm obedient, they become more demanding. They become more not understanding. The more we drift.

I feel isolated. Oh look because it's night time now, this explains my depressed mode. Check my blogsongs, I'm in love with 'em. Follow me @Downwithloveee and comment at my tagboard to keep it alive. I should go, bye.

Yesterday I tried not to cry. Last night I just want to die. This morning I didn't know what to do because all I want is to be together with you. Why are you doing things that's making me fear of you.

N: may i know where you bought the black necklace (the one with lots of leaves)? you look really beautiful with your hair tied up :) you are not ugly. at least you are prettier than me. :)
- I bought it from talisman! They have outlets at bugis and fep :) Thank you for the compliment, you're really sweet.

girl: u do noe congle right? how did u get to noe her?
-Yeap. Why?

anon: what's your age?
-Why?

heyhi: If only we were friends irl. Nice to know that I'm not the only teenager who's so damn sick and tired of life.
-Hey hi, you're definitely not alone. You're not the only teenager that's feeling this way but life goes on ok. We can only bear with it. :-/

Wondering: Hmm how old are you ? quit school ? and why you don't like to smile ?!?!
-Can I keep it as a secret?!?!? LOL. 1) I look uglier when I smile, I find my smiling face disgusting. 2) It's sorta in my character, I've never like smiling since young!

PardonMe: Think you look way older than your age. Your makeup looks very odd in your latest post :/
-Yeah... It was a bad make up day, nevermind this blogpost will be the latest one right now~

A title for this, page 16 of 366. xo

2012-01-16T23:57:00.001+08:00

I've been shutting my emotions out. I've been trying to be happy and convincing myself that I'll be doing fine. So glad that I've quit being a emotional bitch as compared to the past. Horrible emotional bitch. Thinking back about all the stuffs that happened, I'm afraid. Get hurt. Get a cold shoulder. Get ignored. Get replaced. Checking up the horrible truths. People left. All this stuffs. All the unhappy stuffs I should let go of, to let go of the fear in me. How can I be happy, how can I trust, how can I love, how can I open up, how can I.... when I'm afraid? Changed too much. Far too much. I can't express everything out in words. Even the change in me is scaring the shit out of me. I can't recognize this girl I'm facing in the mirror right now. All the feelings she hide, all the fears that's suffocating her. I don't know. I've got no idea of what to say. Brb.-12.03 am................................ Back from reading my last post of 2010. It was total bull shit and I recalled everything that happened on the count down. One of the incidents that's maximizing the fear in me. At least back to 2010, everything was more straightforward. I knew what was tearing me apart. I just know myself a lot better as compared to now. Oh, and I couldn't stand my x2 fuglier face when I read that post. Really.

#1- Be happy.
#2- Be stronger.
#3- Be pretty.
#4- Apply for course and just study
#5- Slim down my fat tummy and legs
#6- Blog more
#7- Get rid of that fear
#8- Settle down
#9- Find my true self, who I really am
#10- Even more independent
~~#11- Break free?...~~

The paragraph above was a draft done by me. Obviously number 11 is striked out because I've broken it. Warning, photos are not edited. Where do I start from?... Count down was simple and meaningful I guess, I spent it with my cousin. I spent my countdown bbqing and eating prawns! That was totally unexpected. But I kinda like it when I break free from the social life. I mean, I just want to lead a really ordinary teenage girl life where things are simple and happy. We weren't suppose to have prawns to eat, but the smart me had my ways to get us prawns ^-^ hehe

(My classic way of eating noodles~ ^.<)

Ohmygod, we only had $1.50 inside both of our wallets when we were going to have our dinner. Nets are not available at the bah ku teh store and the posb machine is really far from us. Had no choice but to go to a random restaurant to eat. Their food are damn nice I swear. That's how I spent the last day of 2011 and first day of 2012. I even went home early you know, I didn't stay overnight outside!!!

Got my o level results back and cried like no tomorrow, the consequences of not studying a single shit for o's is this. I can't believed I cried too. Duh. I just hope that weiqian will get into the same course with me, otherwise I'll be feeling so lost again.... I love being alone. But I hate being alone too, I hate the feeling of it. It sucks. I mean being outcasted, doesn't feel good at all hur? Who likes it? But I still love to be alone... I'm weird.

A late night phone call that managed to put pieces of me back in whole again. After getting my results, I felt like a total change person. Ever since that day. Rapid change of mood. Starting to dislike/hate people around me and acting like a bitch, so on. No appetite and feel nauseous everytime I finish my meal. Drifting from social life. Love to stay at home and rot. Bipolar. Depression. Pms. Whatever you call that.

Life's pretty normal, exclude those days that I'm acting like a bitch... Ugh. Oh yes, I celebrated shien's birthday with isabella~ Hehe I was so happy that day to be able to meet them again. It was totally unexpected!!! I miss them!!!!! My best friends from my first secondary school~ I hope she enjoyed her birthday and luv that cake we decorated for her~ That smile on her face when she thank me for coming was really priceless. Luvs.

(Forced to write a note for the birthday girl. Yes, force. -_-)

Spending more and more time with my cousin. Watched "we're not naughty" with her and she was damn hilarious!!!!! 9/10. HAHAHA. Ohyes, we were stuck in jp after that. Dumb me borrowed my portable charger to my lil' sister and she brought it home, worse thing was my battery's dying. Smart me decided to tour around jp and charge my phone~ Attempted to walk home but major fail, we cabbed home halfway. Zzzz~

(I was talking halfway.................)

Then I'm going to swear that today, is almost the worse day of my life. A morning call that brought me a major bad news and my mood is not that good. Then a quarrel. Sorry if I acted like a bitch, but deep down you should know it very clearly yourself. Beebeebum? Seriously? And on this day? wow lol. Gym outing with my cousin was sorta failed. I don't even needa go inside the gym, the sun is like a foc sauna and I was perspiring like mad. In the end, we sat at the carpark nearest to the gym and had a.... 2hours or 3hours talk? LOL. And then we got screened............. I think my cousin was obviously excited to get screened. I don't know why. BUT SO CUTE. HAHAHAHA. ╮(╯_╰)╭ It was okay that we didn't go to gym because we already perspired a lot......... but we went to eat kfc. So instead, we spent today gaining fats. #okcan o(╯□╰)o headache. I'm going to continue enjoy my rotting at home~ The new stay home gurl gurl. heh. Sayo!!

Let me tell you something that I never had the courage to say. I want to be with you.

Follow me at @Downwithloveee for more updates and tag me ok.☺ Love

See you at point 0, where we will fall in love with each other all over again

2011-12-31T03:15:00.000+08:00

Hello everybody! Life's been up and down for me, but I'm glad that I'm always laughing because of my coussie :-) First of all, I'm jobless again and I'm a lil' depressed but oh well, maybe new year then new job? Hahahaha. Hmm, pictures attached are taken around 2weeks ago(?). Met bby and went to town to have our dinner, it's totally retarded. Jinda and his girlfriend came too!

Went off after dinner to meet jacia at her house area and buy our favorite taohuey!!! Yay ^-^ Ps// I miss taohuey :( We were seriously like idiots eating our taohuey in a park, 3 of us seating in a row on a bench enjoying our taohuey in the night. If you were to walk pass, you will get what I mean by "idiots eating taohuey in the park" LOL. Next place we went was bugis. Wanted to watch I forgot what movie, LOL so we switched to hong kong horror movie~ 3 of us were hiding behind our jackets thru out the whole movie! HAHAHA

Walked over to ktv place to meet ben & co. Nothing much, we basically spent our night singing there till morning. Ahem, obviously it was 3 of us who conquered the mic. duh. hehe. Was feeling very low during the karaoke session and I curled up into a ball then.. close my eyes. Yup. My eyes was a total bitch that day. Infected for 3 days, the hell.

Omg I can't stand how ugly I look. I don't deny that I personally stalk pretty girls too-_- haha. Anyway, just sharing 3 videos with you guys! Must take a look okay because it made me laughed even though it makes me feel even uglier at the same time...........

I'm not fishing for compliments when I say I'm ugly, I'm going to repeat this for the 12347586970594837times. My eye bags and dark circles, my not perfect double eyelids, my fucked up face shape, my dry and ugly hair, short eyelashes, flat nose, fat cheeks, height I'm not satisfied with and figure that is not even nice. Not pretty. Not pretty. Ugly monster... Even the lady boys are prettier than me, I should reincarnate again and hope that I'll be born prettier and have nice accents? Pardon my nonsense, pure ranting.

--

How do I look with my hair tied up? I spent my Christmas with my family and coussie. How about you guys? ^-^ It was mommy's birthday and as usual we ate buffet to celebrate. This year's buffet was still alright, the location is at clarkequay! Love the restaurant's deco and everything as it looks classy. There's japanese food, western and chinese food. Marshmallows with different toppings and so on.

(the girl I tease 24/7/365~)

(I tried bending down a lil' oredi.......... i tried my best)
So... my present for mom this year was cash for her to dye and perm her hair but she wasted it!!!! I couldn't notice ANY difference after she came back from salon. Ah. I got my data plan too, yay. Planned to upgrade my plan and get a new phone as well however I just found out from singel that my current phone isn't even 1 year old!?!?!?! So... I decided to change my phone, after it turns 1 year old. OK HAHA.

Here's a picture of my family, including me. It's been sometime we take a photo together as a family. This family, used to be broken. There was a few times where I really nearly lose my mom in many different ways. Horrible experiences that I rarely mention to people.

--

I tried to keep things in line and then, it just got messed up again. Spent last night partying at le noir with bby and coussie. Didn't enjoy at all, I was only interested in seeing my coussie get high. Obviously she didn't really get high. Oh yes, I hate the Caucasians there last night. They were freaking despo. One after one. Screw them. Cabbed home around 4am and coussie spent her night over at my house :-)

It's the last day of 2011. 2012 is coming in 24hours but yet I don't feel anything or maybe I'm just not ready for it. Instead of concentrating on new year resolution or whatever shit, I'm having this fear of those feelings tagging along with me to 2012. Enough. It's been haunting me for a year. I give up on talking about it since it's pointless. Feel free to comment at my tagboard but please be nice, I'll be blogging again few hours later. Happy new year's eve, bye.

Let our future cross paths again. Back to point 0 again, we'll know each other again. We'll fall in love again. Okay? Pinky promise. x

PSB: :D X'mas
-Thankyou! Happy new year eve ;-)

Joanna: Hmm , what brand's make up base and foundation do you use ? Mind sharing ? i think mine isn't good enough ):
-Pore putty make up base! Foundation I use Revlon and Maybelline~

Luvvv.: Where did you dye your hair o-o
-Neighborhood salon. I always go there to do my hair :-)

Daniel AkaRandomist: LOL ! Sure Look alot different ~ 0.o
-Lol! Old already, HAHAHA!

.: What hair colour did you dye?
-I'm not sure of the colour's name, they choose it for me.. It was like rose red?

follower: hey hi. :) i'm ur follower on twitter and i saw ur tweets about how u think u're not pretty. just here to say don't think that way ok. i think u're really pretty. :)
-Hello:-) You are so sweet! x. Thankyou~

simin: you working ? how old are you? you schooling?
-Not working now. Definitely not schooling now :-)

I wish that santa would bring you to me, wrapping up with a bow.

2011-12-25T01:34:00.004+08:00

I don't ask much for this Christmas, I won't even wish for snow. I love you more than you'll ever know. I wish that santa would bring you to me, wrapping up with a bow because baby, all I want for Christmas... is you. ♥

Jingle bell jingle bell jingle all da way~♪★彡♥ Santa is coming to town~ Merry Xmas everybody!!!! It was a stay home christmas eve for me and I basically slept for the whole day-_- Haven't update my blog for around a week as I've been busy working ^-^ Yay to new job. Luv this job a lot as it's near my house, very slack and I get to work with my coussie. We didn't took any photos as we did not wear any make up, or even lens to work. Why bother to doll up and go work at such ulu place. I like.

(My previous job. See, I luv kids so much. I'll be a good mummy in the future, HAHAHA K CAN.)

Our job is basically scanning documents for the whole day, slacking but boring like hellz. Imagine you face the documents, computer and scanner for the whole day @.@....... Have to wake up as early as 620am to bathe then go to work, plus I work OT so I manage to keep myself very busy. I'm so glad. Will work 6 to 7 days if I have nothing better to do from next week onwards. Coussie got breakfast for me as well. Hehz •~• Oh, I'm even thinking about decorating my desk with stitch stuffs. But where to find?!!!??

Shall stick to this job for as long as I can and just in case I get fired or what, I got a back up plan already. I don't want to be jobless again. LOL. Gonna get my beats earpiece, data plan, new phone, new clothes, new shoes, lens, another jar of sticky and go to malaysia again by this month... not forgetting present for my mom and sister. ╮(╯_╰)╭

Finally met bby last night and went to sing k with her and henry. Seriously that henry freaked me out, fucking hellz. He behaved like a 自闭症 for the whole night and 3 of us were laughing for the whole night._. Crazy night. Bby and henry's laughter sound like donkey by the way, OK CAN HAHAHAHAHA.

Pardon me, I'm being imaginative again. But isn't it sweet if a guy sings "all I want for christmas is you" or you spent your night cuddling with someone you love!?!?!? lol._. What a sucky Christmas, again. I never had a happy christmas night before, or be with someone on a christmas night. My previous relationships always break up during December or November, which means happened twice where I spent my Christmas crying... HOW UNLUCKY RIGHT. WTF. LOL. As for the rest of the year, I'm alone duh. SO I ALWAYS SPENT CHRISTMAS ALONE. #foreveralone Am I cursed??? K THIS IS RANDOM.

Ugh, whatever. Christmas night then christmas night lo, what can I do about it -__- But!!!!! Let me share my ideal present for this year's Christmas okay! I wish to receive a white fluffy teddy bear :( So adorable. As for my Christmas wish................... it's a secret. x

New year of 2012 coming in around a week's time, no idea how it would be like but I don't want it to be like 2011. 2011 is the suckiest year ever, I've been happy thru out the whole fucking year. Okay maybe wanna exclude that I learnt alot this year, in the hard way. This led to......... me being in a mess 24/7/365. Now I'm feeling nothing again, totally. What a year. Will be blogging about mom's birthday celebration and sharing my new year resolution blablabla in the following posts ^-^ Remember to click my nuffnang advs, comment nice and follow me on twitter!!

Anyway, just sharing my current favorite song here. Please listen alright.

Stay tune ya, love. ♥ Sayo!

"Or why not you just wrap yourself with a bow ?"

V: Hey, have been reading your blog for a long time.. How tall are you? Is it weird for a 168 cm to wear heels?:/
- Hello :) Heh thanks for reading. I'm 167cm. Not at all!!! Looking tall is nice to me ;)

Joanna: Hey pretty ,i'm just a passerby . Can you like share with me what face product or make up do you use ? i'm looking like natural make up . Can give some tips ?
-Hello! Uhm basic products like make up base, foundation, concealer, eyeshadow, liquid eyeliner, eye shimmer, fake eyelashes and mascara. Hmm.. apply thin eyeliner and use those natural fake eyelashes and don't draw your bottom waterline can already. Oh, put less foundation too and wear more natural contact lens will help too. ^-^

Heyhey(:: Is it possible for you to do a review on the contacts you got from msia? Bet your readers will love to see it :D
-Yup sure!! Will do~

PSB: can you share with us which contact lens you specially love the most ? :D
-Okay, will blog about contact lens soon ^-^ I personally like lenses that are not black in color and have more designs.

h: hi
-Hi._.!

To stay together forever, always

2011-12-15T11:35:00.007+08:00

It feels like I've hit rock bottom again and feeling extremely depressed this few days. I'm here to actually blog about my bby's birthday and outing with my coussie only. Will be blogging in 1 or 2 days later . Do come back and check! I've too much to blog about~ *can't wait to upload the nice pictures of myself* LOL.

So yep, I basically look ugly in all the photos attached in this blogpost-_- But I'm in love with the contact lens I was wearing!!!!!!! Went to interviews with my coussie but unfortunately to no avail because of my hair color (I think). Fucking adult fare made me spent 7 bloody dollars that day.

We went to novena to have our lunch at I forgot what cafe that was. The food was damn awesome, service as well and the service charge is also very "awesome"-_- Head over to yishun then to town and went home!

Uhm, for bby's birthday: I've been planning for her birthday ever since end of November. One word: Stressful.

Everyday I've been writing down notes to improve my presents for her, LOL. Finally decided to self diy elmo ferrero rocher, elmo birthday card, elmo envelope, elmo memories booklet and elmo cake!! This was the first time I've done all this for someone out of my entire life man._. Oh, I'm so glad that my art improved ^-^ yay.

Took me 3 weeks to plan and do everything. Even specially customized her elmo cake! It was so nice that we couldn't bear to cut the cake :( Funniest thing was cloud got a towel when he bought a topup card or something and the towel is red in color, it says "Want free outgoing calls? Wish granted! blablabla", he decided to give that towel to bby. LOL.

Met cloud on 10 December around 11pm to get ready for everything and head down to her house nearby so that we can surprise her on 11December around 12am. Rang her up and told her.....
Our conversation:

Me: Hello? Bby ah!!!! Save me!!!! I'm stuck at amk :( Come and save me please!!!!
Bby: Huh!? You mad?! What are you doing at amk at such hour!?
Me: Cloud la, asked me out for movie and then went mia zzzzz so yeap, no more last train and everything. I'm stucked!!!
Bby: Okok, I go bathe then come down.
Me: Okie~ then I take my own sweet time to walk over to your house.

So I managed to fool her, I'm so proud puhleaseeeee. I was so worried she wouldn't believe it, LOL because it sounds too fake to me! Fact is, I'm not even confident to even walk over to her house??? If I was stuck there, I would definitely 100% plus chop get her to fetch me from amk hub!!!! HAHAHAHA. Add on, HOW THE HELL WOULD I SOUND SO PEACEFUL AND HAPPY IF SOMEONE PUTS ME AN AEROPLANE?! Her brain is obviously not functioning on her birthday~ She seems to take her own sweet time and came down after half an hour or so?

Hehe, then came the surprise. It was abit failed though~ Next up, the cake smash. End up bby and cloud was running around throwing cakes to smash each other's face. I'm definitely not someone who'll do that, so I was standing there and enjoying the show. Fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk, fffffffffffffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuualllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll they fucken smashed a cake on the side of my face!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Okay, that was the first time I got smashed-_- as I'm really not that krazy and I don't think any of my other friends dares to do that to me~ Life, is really unexpected with them around. Chim. LOL. okok. The elmo cake was fucken nice to me and then we walked over to have our favourite taohuey (beancurd) together! Spent the rest of the night rotting away as we've no plans.

Went home in the morning and meet them again at town during night time. Watched "new year's eve", @#@%&^%$#$%^&* awesome movie. Rating: 8/10. I cried, in fact I cried a lot. Yeap. This movie is really meaningful. Not forgetting that lyb and szehui came over to town to give bby a surprise too! Phailed, we totally phailed. LOL.

Walked to bugis from town in the midnight with cia, bby and cloud to look for the rest of the guys as they were having a kbox session. Awkward. I was dying to go home.................................. frustrated. It feels extremely awkward for me to go there and I was feeling very awful. Lol so I'll rather go home and sleep, whatsoever!!!!! But apparently I had no choice and still went there in the end. -_-............

Took photos with my girls and had a morning free show by henry and andre. HAHAHAHA, swear. "I'm 20 years old this year. I'm childish, yes and that is why I apply bb cream." "I'm 17 years old this year. I'm childish, yes and I need to borrow ic from people, wait for bouncer to change at 2am so I can go in. If not I've to stand outside :(" "I'm not like you, only know how to 打手槍 right" "What's 打手槍????" LOLOLOLOLOL. THE FUCK.

--

- This year's 11 December 2011, this is from me, to my best friend. Our first promise was to stay together forever, always. I don't care what has changed between us in this 1.5 years of time but that doesn't mean you're no longer my best friend. "In this world, where everything is uncertain and constantly changing, only one thing is definite. You'll always be my best friend, beyond words, beyond time and beyond distance." Happy 17th birthday to you. x

Wa cannot cannot, very mushy. LOLOL. kkkkkk

That's all folks! How's my new hair color? :/ Please click my nuffnang, follow me on twitter and write comments if you have any, please be nice. See ya!

Babydoll - Advice: I dont think there is 18mm lens. Only have the effect. LOL
-ER, LOL. This is for you: http://vivi-eye.com/

=): hi pretty!!!! how do u actually get so slim?? any tips?
-Hey hello! I'm born like this.__. ... Hmm eat less???

Reader: hi where do u get your lenses? :)
-Hi there, I've got my lens from malaysia!

PSB: What blog shop you modelling for? :)
-highondopes!

cynthia: hey , what are you working as right now ? and do u know any blogshops(trustable) selling cheap 14.2-16mm lens?
-Hello~ I'm jobless! Not really, I've not been buying contact lens from blogshop nowadays because it takes a long time to arrive and hsa has been confiscating lens!

Hello: Hello, im just someone that pass by your blog randomly. I can see that you are really upset and you still love your ex. Although idk you at all. Frankly speaking, my ex left me for my good friend. During that period of time, i feel like giving up every single piece of ****s. I skipped my meals daily till i lost all my nutrients. But my friend still want me to be happy for them. I dont know what else can i do other than letting them go. You have to be strong, you are really pretty. im sure one day you will find some one better and appreciate you. Until now, i would still remember what they had done to me. What he had done to me. All those lies they had given me. But this made me strong. And slowly i forgive and forget. You can do it too. Anyway, you look better if you smile. Goodluck and take care ok (:
-Hey hello. Thank you for leaving down nice advices, really appreciate that. I hope so, you be happy too! I've smiled in my current blogpost, heh. :)

DF: HI
-Hi there.

Breathing but dead.

2011-12-10T02:04:00.001+08:00

I've been wanting to blog few days ago but didn't have the time. Anyway how's my new blogskin?? Hmm, point one will be I'm jobless yup. Adult fare, bills and everything is going to kill me anytime soon. I'm feeling all the pressure.

Pictures attached were taken 1 month ago. Rynne accompanied me to shopping before I start working, sweet right. Haha, k. Met a couple of cute kidz at work which I really love and I even took pictures with them! Will blog it in next post perhaps.

Been spending my days with coussie. Basically for job interviews, shopping and dyeing hair. Dyed my hair maroon red! I wanted to have a new look, sick of looking ugly. I feel ugly and frustrated y'know!!!! >:( I'm not saying this to fish compliments. If only I'm pretty, or at least the prettiest girl in the eyes of someone I love. I wanna be the apple of your eye. Can I? Am I eligible?

Spent too much nowadays and I think I should really camp home next week. Days were like shit when I was working for my previous job. Everyday is just like a routine, I felt so lifeless, repeating and doing the same thing everyday. Working location shifted from yewtee to town. Like shit. I hate town.

Luv rynne, she came down in one of the days to keep me company. Even coussie came down after her work on that day as well. 3 of us watched breaking dawn tgt at cine! Ratings: 9/10. I'm so envy of bella. I want to have a boyfriend like edward, who'll love me unconditionally.

(Ps, this is airbrush tattoo. But isn't this design nice?)

Coussie came over to my house to sleep after the movie and I swear I almost want to kill her. She fucking set 10alarm clocks you know. I don't even need to wake up as early as her and the worse thing is, I can't switch the alarm clocks off so I just have to let it ring and ring and ring~ Can you imagine the alarm clock started ringing from 6am all the way till 8am then she woke up!? Woahmygod...

Worked with coussie as a 1day midnight stock taker as well. It was.... LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL. Kk, we were starting to get sleepy around 5am in da morning and we actually find a "ahem" location to sleep but epic fail. Seriously muthafucking funny. HAHAHAHA. Secretsecret~ :* We tried to crawl and squeeze under the shelf where they put all the items on top, huiru succeeded then when I was about to crawl in.... the supervisor came. LOL. Then I just ran off, okay maybe I should put it in another way: I played hide and seek with him!!!! ^-^

Wherever he walks, I just make sure he doesn't see me and I've to think of some ways to save my coussie out before she get caught. Confirm awkward+ embarrassing. Luckily she realized something's wrong and ran out from the underneath of the shelf when the supervisor went to take some items from other side. LOL. I still remember that I drank 6cups of coffee that day because I had another morning job after that. Even went to a place to hide and sleep..... HAHA K.

Oh, can anyone understand our language? ^-^ This is shared between me and bby btw. We cool right? hehe. I'm lazy to explain every single convo of our's, so I'll just briefly explain a few k.

(I was telling her dog don't produce milk while pigs do, LOL)

(She was like "noooooooo!!!!" So, the embarrassed me was like "woohoo today weather very good. hehe"<<< This sentence was replaced by the sun and cloud emoticon.) HAHA ji creative yi xia. Then she said she saw clouds in our text~ LMAO.

Working location was shifted to sengkang after that. My mood was affected. Woke up early everyday in da morning to bathe and I don't even bother to make up to go work. Traveled to woodlands then bus down to sengkang from there. Had lots of break during work and I was all alone everyday because the weird me, just decides to push away everyone and be alone. It all started with me not talking to them and just ran off to break alone. So I ate my meals alone, shop around alone and spent my time at the mall's staircase alone. Alone. Alone. Alone. I like being alone and I hate it at the same time.

I've been missing the past, far too much that few days at work and even more now. I miss having mom asking if I'm fine every time I lock myself up in the room. I miss having friends to heart2heart talk to. I miss having someone there to care for me or love me. I miss being treated like a princess and doted by people around me. I miss being simple. I miss everything. I miss the naive me. The happy me. Everything changed.

It seems to me that, I can't trust anyone. I can't open up to anyone and sometimes it's not that I don't want to, I just can't because I've no idea what to say. Am I weird?... People around me leaves, change or just decides to give up on me. I can't afford to let myself to get hurt again. I thought so. But I thought wrong. Nobody really cares, correct? I was so wrong.

Maybe I'm just getting more self destructive unknowingly. It just all comes naturally. I don't want to talk about it. I wouldn't forget those days where I ran to the staircase to cry during my break time at work, nobody was there. No one's beside me. No calls. No text. No concern. Nothing. Until there was once, I really couldn't take it and asked rynne to call me. Yep, to hear me cry and talked a lil'. Hell days.

Then I'll always block those emotions and feelings that comes flowing back when I think it's time to stop being sucha loser, I'll rather be emotionless than to be a loser. But this didn't stop the unhappiness in my life and it did not make me feel better.

I've no idea who I am anymore. I'm lost. Who knows that feeling? It feels like I'm breathing, but dead. I really hate life. I'm sick of pretending to be strong or just stay quiet whenever I feel upset. I'm sick of everything. I want to happy again. I never wanted to doubt people's words and actions or restrict myself from doing this, doing that, saying some stuffs, hiding certain emotions and so on. It's terrible. Since when have I become like this? I hate this. I just know that, I've never want to become someone like this neither did I expected it.

--
Sorry for my rants. Do click my nuffnangs advs pretty pls, comment nice at cbox and remember to follow me on twitter. Blog again soon. xoxo

360

passer: I guess this is really hard to believe, but I feel exactly the same as you do. Life has given me a lot of crap as well. Just thinking of death everyday, fml.
-Hope that at least you know that you're not alone :')

Hi: i think you should put center parting lorh!! looks damn nice on you leh!!
-Hahahaha you sucha nice person!! Thankyou~

J: heyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
-Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii.

Guest: Do you do treatment for your hair?
-Of course!

passerby: hi, what camera did you use for the first two photos of your 21st nov post. It seems really nice :)
-Thankyou! It's my cousin's (yeeling) dslr! I'm not sure about the model :/

passerby: hi where did you bought the lens from? Which shopping mall in jb? Is it ksl city?:)
-Yep! They have two pushcarts in the mall that sells contact lens. One at ground floor, another one at top floor if I'm not wrong!

psb: hi , which shopping mall you went at msia ? how much was the lens ?!
-Hello. Ksl! It's very near custom. The lens was only like $13 or $14 per pair!!! Somemore buy 5 or 6, get 1 pair free. Omgggg. LOL

Advice: 18mm is unhealthy for your eyes in the long run.
-I already know that. Thanks for telling me though.

-: hi
-hi.

Physically, we leave the past behind but emotionally we did not.

2011-11-28T00:10:00.000+08:00

Hello everyone! I did not realize that I haven't blog for almost a week, oh god. Is anyone out there???? Will be blogging about my malaysia trip with rynne and blogshop photoshoot ^-^ yay.

I'm a impulsive person so I just randomly decided to go malaysia and texted rynne, so we went there the next day. LOL. I was so eggcited yknow! It's like the first time ever I'm going out of sg with my friend only and without plans. I used to have curfews and stuffs, yeap very strict parents. So you can imagine how eggcited I was!!!

I think both of us did dumb and kwet things at the custom. HAHAHA. Firstly, we did not go to msia for years so we've no idea that they do not need the "white card or whatsoever card" anymore. So, we went to ask one of the officers for the card then we found out that they do not need it anymore. Next thing, we passed the custom using the machines? It's much more faster, by just insert the passport and ur thumbprint. Funny thing was................ rynne and I insert our passport the wrong way then mine got stuck in the machine!!!! :( OKAY, REALLY DAMN PS AND SUA KU.

Cabbed to the nearby shopping mall to shop around~ I didn't really bought much clothes but I bought quite a few pairs of lens! I think my mission is just to retock my lenses. HAHA! So happy that I've stock up to around 20pairs already. The lenses are ridiculously cheap and the mm(s) are really big. The biggest one I bought was 18mm. Gosh can't wait to wear that pair ^^ Food there is nice and cheap as well!

Not much things to blog about the malaysia trip. As for work, I've been working everyday non stop recently. I find myself lifeless and feel like as if I'm going to collapse soon. I'm lack of sleep, EVERYDAY. I feel sleepy for basically the whole day-__- My weird habit is up to something again, I've been anti social and all the shits. I start to love&hate being alone again. I feel emptiness everyday. I find myself crazy enough to run over to my workplace's voiddeck staircase and just seat there alone to cry during my breaktime. Wtf. Totally.

Can't wait for this work assignment to be over. I need to stop spending money as well, my spendings recently......... krazy. Oh yeah, I tried modelling for www.highondopes.blogspot.com 2 days ago! The studio and blogshop owner are really nice!!!!!!!!!! Extremely friendly to me. hehe. Posted some photos up here as I don't look nice in the rest. Sorry for looking ugly :/

Do support the blogshop okay \m/ Luv ya all. Blog again in few days time!

Times changes, people change, situations change, feelings change... the only thing constant is change.

2011-11-21T23:12:00.001+08:00

I've been really busy recently which is quite a good thing, nevertheless I always find time to blog ^-^ I think it's time to try and bring my blog back to life. LOL. The pictures attached here are taken with my second coussie last week!

As usual, I made her wait for me......... for quite long and asked her come all the way down to my house because I've not finish preparing. I wonder if there's any other girls who need 3hours to prepare just like I do, hehe. Went down to vivo to have my dinner/late lunch first, bah ku teh ftw!!!!! \m/ yay. Yeeling (coussie) never forgets to take unglam photos of me eating my food... *however awesome me deleted them away, so... sorry no sharing of my unglam faces here* HAHAHA.

Next destination: Sentosa. Coussie insisted to alight at the very first stop of sentosa and then forced me to walk all the way to the last stop of sentosa with her-_- imba. I was perspiring like hellz and she was worse, man-made waterfall. (if you know what I mean) LOL

So yeap, won't forget to snap snap pictures obviously. If you're sianz of my usual photo poses, check out my new poses in this post. Hahaha! My coussie's dslr probably just dislikes it's owner. She bought the dslr like just few days back before the sentosa trip and it gave us many problems that day. It black off after we took some pictures, just suddenly b l a c k o f f. The only solution was to let it "rest" and not switch it on so that we can switch it on again to take pictures! But, my coussie's itchy hands keeps on wanting to switch it on................ *angry pekcek face*

Not forgetting watching my sunset!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ^-^ It's been always my wish to watch the sunset. The orangey-yellow colour of the sun, freaking nice. To me, watching sunset is a very romantic thing to do while watching sunrise gives me a feeling of "new day, new life" kind of feel. This is why I love watching sunrise and sunset, does anyone understands? Lying on the ground to see the stars is pretty romantic too.

After the very-contented-me watched my sunset, we went back to vivo to have B&J. I was having some kind of mixed emotions that day. ...all this things, just reminds me of the day where I went to sentosa and eating b&j with my coussie, 1.5years back. 15 June 2010. Okay blah, I'm out of point again. Hmm, check out my photography skills! Hahaha, I just took some scenery photos myself for the first time~ lol.

Ate b&j and headed home early because my coussie keeps on wanting to go home! Damn frustrating y'know. End up I found out the reason of my coussie wanting to go home early is because I told her about satan and she's afraid. Is this cute or frustrating? I hate going home at early timings. I tend to think about the past especially when I've nothing to do and then get upset. This is why I hate staying home or going home early. Pretty sad hur?

Will still be busy for the upcoming days, in fact more busy as I'm planning on something. Argh, I hate to be the planner y'know. I suck at planning and I'm lazy-_- I just hope that everything won't be screwed up, that's all. I don't want to feel useless again. As for work, it's alright and I made friends with my colleagues already so yeap, no problem. Maybe 1, all of us... let's use the word: "dislike" one of our colleague. He's super abcdefg!!!!!! No idea whether he's those type of over-serious in work kind of person and follows tightly to the rules or he just doesn't knows how to adapt to different situations? Omg and I hate that he tries to joke/talk or be sarcastic to me when I dislike him >:( Okok, won't want to talk so much about him.

As for the other colleague, terrence, he's pretty good to me and my coussie. He's nice to keep making us laugh, compromise us and everything. Yeap. So glad that he's around even though my coussie and I will be separated from tomorrow onwards due to different location of work :( The other colleagues are nice as well, no idea why they keep "shhhh" when they wanna call me. Hahaha! And then? They ask me to smile. LOL. Sb kwet. Anyway I hope that the stupid guy won't be thick skin enough to tag along with my colleague during our break........... god bless. Amen.

Whole family's going to chalet this coming wednesday and I choose to stay at home. I mean, it's retarded to stay at chalet then go over to work from there right! Might as well stay home. What's more........ it's good for me to be alone. Yeah. Facing the fact that December is coming in a few days time, I'm terrified................. terrified of more people leaving me. For the past two years, my exs and good friends always decides to leave or drift away from me during December. I'll never be happy again. Bye.

10 sentences from you, how many is actually true?

2011-11-18T11:11:00.001+08:00

Gudmorning to all, x. Blogging early in da morning as I've woke up early for work, 3hours earlier... LOL. I've only slept for 3hours and my right eye is reddish again :( Is there something wrong with my right eye? It's always getting reddish and itchy for almost no reason nowadays.

A very good news to myself is that I'm fully packed for this month and next month, yep. I only have total of 5 non working days from today till end of dec-___-... Nevertheless, I lurblurb my job because: 1. don't need to stand, probably 20mins per day only. LOL. 2. work in da afternoon. 3. there's kids!!!! 4. 7 or 8 working hours, I'll be having 5hours break (paid ) and the rest of the time is just accompany kids to watch the show and guide them around only. HAHAHA. The slackest job, ever. Da boss seriously very qt, still paid coussie when she's only suppose to attend meeting and eat cakes, lmfao. To add on, paying for our 10mins briefing and 1h training (seat there watch show and talk among ourselves). LOLLLLLLLLLLLL

But still, my schedule is damn krazy and I'm seriously krazy enuff to take up 2 jobs for few days. Yes, means no sleep no bathe, nothing!!!! Job1: morning-night, job2: night-morning > job1 again. I've never tried this before, only tried before going to club then to work. HAHAHA. Speaking of club, I finally proved to myself that my self discipline is growing stronger, because I skipped yesterday's event!!!!!! ^v^ Even though this is a super minor and stupid matter, but I'm very pleased with myself, for some reasons.

I've tons of things to blog about and pictures to upload. I can't decide where to start blogging from, zzzz. Been spending my days with coussie and rynne only. Went to cine's flea and interviews with my coussie 2weeks ago. Spending money again, yes correct. I previously mentioned that I went to watch PA3 with rynne and she stayed overnight at my house correct? Y'know she freaking screamed 4times in the theater?!?!?!?! My first encounter, LOL. I actually feel that I'm so much braver than her man. #oklarandom

So yeap, shopping and spending for past 2 weeks. Calculated my spending and it's hitting almost 4digits........................................ Fuck. I'm not kidding and it's not like I bought branded stuffs or whatever. I just spent on normal clothes and food. I'm not going to spend anymore, I hope :/ Bought a lot a lot a lot of knitted clothings, really alot. LOL. I'm krazy over knitted stuffs, nude and red colour!!!

Oh, randomly recalled that I met bby which was like 1 week plus plus ago to eat bah kut teh as well. I miss taohuey and bah kut teh ogeh :( Hmmmm as usual, coussie filled up my mind with her crappy funny conversation. I remembered one was like:

Huiru(coussie): I'm so hairpy that I got this hk foldable bottle, yay!!!!
Me: Ok can, HAHAHA.
Huiru: *stare at me with big eyes* O.O
Me: o.o???
Huiru: OH SHIT. I FORGOT I NO MORE SCHOOL ALREADY T-T STILL BUY WATERBOTTLE FOR WHAT??!?
Me: LMFAO!!! Y YOU SO KWET?!

The rest I can't remembered :( And hahahaa, I kinda pity her as well. Every single time we go out, I will end up pulling her to go shop till late then allow her to go home~ Oh yes, took long bus ride a numerous times with her from town back to jurong! I love long bus rides.

Bare foot with coussie once in bus and jp because both of our legs are aching, I hope nobody saw us. I really hope so, HAHAHAHA. Never did I expected to do this kind of things with my coussie. Seriously! Watched "you're the apple of my eye" with her in one of the days and I rate it 9/10. Fucking funny and touching!!!!! (Y) If I've a boyfriend, I'll pull him to rewatch with me. hehee. I want to watch happy feet & breaking dawn for now~

Have decided not to go chalet with my family next week, I'm kinda tempted to ask people to come over my house and stay, to conquer the house. ^-^v wulala. Forget this beri beri important point, I've officially graduated!!!!!!!!!!!!! So stop saying that I quit school, I've g r a d u a t e d. lolol. Let me emphasize that I'm very very delighted that I found something that will keep me busy and that I'll be living in my own world till 2013. K3k3, hope that I'll get along with my colleagues (all male-.-) and I'll get used to my light make up.

I'll blog about the malaysia trip and outing with rynne in da next blogpost, please stay tune ogeh. Leave comments at the cbox, click my nuffnang & follow me on twitter! Will blog in a few days time, pinky promise~ ^-^/ Luvya. Tata!

--

(Personal, x)

Erased and deleted. Please stay curious.

SJTZOT0201

2011-11-16T00:24:00.003+08:00

告诉我, 不要再哭泣了. 我想要快乐.

如果还能遇见那个深爱我的你, 我会紧紧的抱住你.好像告诉你, 告诉你我没有忘记. 从来都没有. 还是那么一样的爱你. 我很爱你, 真的.

11/11/11 broken promise

2011-11-11T03:21:00.005+08:00

It's 11/11/11 today, so I've decided to blog since it's sort of a special date (just don't remind me that it's a satanic date *shivers*). Gwad, imagine a guy surprises you on 11/11/11 11:11?!?!?! Even though it's a satanic day, I still sort of treat it as a 2nd valentine day. Imagine the guys shows up with 11roses? or 11 chocolates? Whatever shit. I'm really imaginative.___. Can't help it what~

I've never ditched my blog for like one month plus without any updates, I'm sorry readers. I promise to update every week from now on!!! I've been busy with part time work and o levels. One of the part time jobs as waitress with bby was abit ridiculous because we're paid to do nothing and just enjoy the buffet. I think the supervisor is being too bias and obvious but LOL nevermind. I like having special privilege ^v^ Yes, I'm done with o levels (self claimed, I've 1 last MCQ paper). Hooray to all O level students, we're all free birdies now!!!! HI5HI5HI5HI5HI5.

I'm hoping to get into poly though, but I guess I'm counted as lucky if I can get in to a good course in ite? Option 1: self claim holiday 1 year again, retake certain subs. Option 2: just go to whatever school and course I can. Option 3: just go to whatever school and course I can, at the same time, retake certain subs! I personally prefer option 3, hehe ^-^

Haven't been tonning and clubbing for quite some time as well. I prefer staying home watching my TVB dramas, GG and VD ^^ shopping alone or going out with my coussies??? Taking long bus rides? Little things like this makes me happier. Ohoh, no idea when I started liking shopping alone...................

I've been running to different places with huiru(my cousin) for job interviews, so happy that we finally get to have some cousin bonding~ Not forgetting going to sentosa with yeeling(2nd cousin) today too! Watched sunset at sentosa and had my b&j, fulfilled one of my wishes but unfortunately it's not with my "boyfriend" (imaginative as usual) :( Nevertheless, both of them made me laughed with their cute retarded conversations, I can't remember what we said though. But seriously I think both of them are damn kwet!!! LOL. Not forgetting meeting rynne!!! Omg I luv her maxxxxxxxxx, headed out with her quite a few times and I actually forced her to watch PA3 with me then stay over night at my house. Yes yes, she saw my naked ugly face. I'm ugly though, I feel ugly and inferior 24/7/365 :(

I'll upload the photos in different posts so that I've enough photos. Been spending too much on clothes, contact lens and shoes. I really needa control my spendings, the amount is abcdefg shocking for this month :( Andand, I'm jealous that both my coussies have dslr!!!! How can!!!! Y me no have?! :'( Daddieee.....

Follow me at: @Downwithloveee and check my blog frequently from now on, promise not to disappoint you guys okay <3.

-- (personal, xoxo)

It's like one step forward, two steps back. I'm seriously confused with my current condition, whether I'm healing, just used to it or numbing myself? One minute idgaf about everything, another minute I'm trying to dig out every single thing about people around me and observe around just to force myself to face the reality and deal with the harsh truths then following on? I'll just cry. I can cry on bed for hours, from early midnight all the way till morning and not tweet about it or talk about it to anyone. It was torturous. I felt so helpless.

Just give me a break and don't judge me as a weakling just because I wrote my thoughts and feelings here. I've been feeling outcasted, I feel like I don't belong to anywhere and can't really fit in to anywhere. Take for example, people whom I categorize as "close friends" have their own closer friends and so, they do not have time for me. I always get outcasted when I'm having a 3person outing, regardless with who. Pardon me, I don't do h2h talks with my close friends, am I weird? Some other "friends" are just worse, they will only contact me when they need a favor from me. The fuck? Do I really look like I've a 3year old brain?

One side of the matter is that, nobody asks if I'm really fine or share feelings with me which I've no idea why, probably because all of them have their closer friends or something? Don't really care. Second side of the matter is that, I'm speechless even when someone asks if I'm fine. I just can't say anything out.

I feel afraid and helpless every night. I hide my fears and feelings from everyone, okay may wanna exclude my blog and private twitter. Nobody knows how it feels like to force yourself to hide everything and just rant to a site 24/7 where nobody is reading it or actually, but actually no one really cares anyway. Lol. Unlike all the other girls, I deal with all this alone. Ya stfu, don't you girls complain, at least you people have whatever bbgs to h2h talk with and that all of you are able to express your feelings out and have the ability to express your feelings and fears to someone.

Maybe it's because I'm afraid that people might judge me as a emotional weakling, use my feelings and secrets against me or I just don't feel comfortable sharing to people whom I'm close with. 1) They're really tired of the shits I complain about, it's always the same few matters. It's understandable. They're sick of it, neither do I wanna talk about it to them anymore. It's pointless. 2) Fuck. You want me to share with them things like I'm feeling suicidal and whatsoever shit then act like nothing happened during the next meet up with them after that? Insane.

All I know is, nobody was ever there when I was crying badly and dealing with all the suicidal thoughts. I dealt with them all by myself. Maybe it's just another form of training, so that I can continue to survive strong without anyone. Yup, so people, I insist on that if any of you decided to leave my life just don't come back again. I'm not a bloody 7-11, 24/7 there for people and then you people just come in and out of my life like this. I can't tolerate people who takes me for granted or treats me as someone replaceable anymore, because, really. It hurts. So much. It's like whatever you do, no matter how much you sacrificed, it's never enough, never appreciated and remembered.

Yes, this is me with all my emotional rantings ok. I can be happy>emotionless>suicidal>fine, my emotions changes like the weather. What if one day I just commit suicide just because of the overwhelming sadness out of the blue? It'll be stupid. Being emotional and it changes like the weather is not cool. This is so not cool. I don't want to do anything stupid on impulse. I hate hiding everything from everyone, I find that ranting 24/7 at a space doesn't really help.................................. Drinking, smoking and clubbing is totally useless now, it worked and lessen my pain like 7months ago??? Now, I just hope that I really can find a new solution for my problem.

Despite of all this, amazingly I'm able to control my emotions now. When I want to be sad, I'll allow myself to be sad. When I want to face reality and the pain, I'll just do so. When I just don't want to give a flying fuck about people around me, I can. Thing is, I just can't be happy.

Shit, whatever, judge for all I care. I'm sick of life and then again, 2012 is coming.
\
One year, one month and one day ago the abcdefg foolish girl which is me, was so looking forward to today: 11/11/11 but now I'm seating here blogging like nobody's business and dealing with confused feelings. I think I'm lost. Uhmuhmuhm ok........ byebye? :')

If there is a next life, I hope that a thousand year later on this day, I'll be very happy.

meow: Hi sweetie! I love reading your blog and just wanna ask, now that ur not working how do u get enough $$ to spend? 0.0 cheers!
-Hey hi? Uhm part time jobs? Savings?

hey: how do u put photo for contacts book?
-Just click "edit contact" then click on the empty dp icon and select "pick from gallery" to change the dp then save it?

:): update a selling post!
-Updated!

xoxo: hi :) haters gonna hate so ignore them okie? Anyway what andriod phone are you using ? ^^
-Thanks sweetie, uhm.... I forgot the model number. But it's LG :)

Amelia: Hi, where do you usually buy your contact lens from?
-Different random blogshops or instocks?

Hui huii: When you started to make up? age?
-Sec 1.

simin: Hi. pretty you and your ex last how long ?how long is your longest relationship your last how long? Sry i jsut want to ask that how long only hope you this pretty won mind .
-Hey. Uhm... on and off one year or so? Yeap sure.

psb: i think you look pretty with center parting leh!! Have you ever done your eyebrow before? If have, how do you tell the person? How you trimmed your eyebrow? Mind giving me some advice?:)
-Hahaha thanks! Yeap I did. Just say that you wanna trim your eyebrow thin, but not too thin. After that, try to "maintain" that eyebrow shape you trimmed by trimming yourself. You see your eyebrows growing out of shape, use scissors, shaver and the plucker to trim it~

.: hi did u purchase anything from miniheartpegs? If u did, have your purchases arrive? :)
-They scammed me!! :( Alot of people got scammed.

psby ^^: hey can i ask you have you recieve your items from miniheartpegs alrd?
-Nope, they're scammers :(

Yx: Hello ! Where you learn how to makeup ? Youtube or course ?
-Learn from myself?.___. I just explore around with make ups and try to improve on my skills by seeing some of the fashion magazine or browsing thru pretty girl's photos? LOLOL.

p: where you brought your cross connecter right in your latest post? its black in colour. Tyvm, you're very pretty! stay happy. ;D
-Cine flea~ thanks!

passerby: i know a way u can earn money temporary!!^^ I know this won't last for long but y not sell ur clothes on blogshop!! suggestion:)
-Hahahah alright, that's nice of you! ^^

Psb: Hey, do you know are there geo lens with astic? How much are those? ^^
-I think have :/ 50plus?? I think.

Hi: any selling post?
-Updated!

chloe: you're beautiful ok sweety! don't let anyone tell you different, they're just haters.
- I must admit that my face shape is fat and weird :/........ But thank you!!

:): hello ! can do tutorial to teach us how to edi background. pls ! really wish to learn
-Okokok, probably in a few weeks time ^^

Aster: you know stephanie ang?:)
-Which Stephanie ang? o__o

curious: hi, are ur hair extensions?
-Hi there, yes.

Passerbyy: Thnks for the email gorgeous <:
-Np ;)

Passerbyy: Woodland tongue piercing safe ? my friend say will tio infection de .
-Well, really depends on your luck. It's not 100% safe.

Xiaoens: Hey babydoll, you rmbr me? :) didn't talk to you and come yr blog for vry long time. How're you? :)
-Hey, yeah. Uhm... I'm fine. You? :)

pby :3: Your blog only sells so less thing? hope your blog should sell more thing .
-I'm lazy to take photos :( There's like 30 plus outfits I wanna sell..........

Reader: Hi can i ask did u receive ur items from miniheartpeg? the one u advertised.
-Nope. They scammed me too :/

lahlah: lahlah (:
-LOLOL?

kim: ur adv is it paid? i-babydoll scams ppl. my fren and i have ordered her lens since 3 mths and parcel not received yet. recommended ur arse k
-You ass don't need to be recommended. Grow the fuck up when my advs for them was like 1 year ago and I've received ALL my items from her, so does all my friends. Sort of know the blogshop owner too and she don't scams. Her blogshop is quite famous. So yes, you can suck my ass :) Tata~

:): I saw you at yewtee working! You're so pretty and tall love the dress and leggigns you wore & you look so great from the side view.
-Why didnt say hi :(!!!!! Omg so embarrassing to let you see me working, LOLOL. I think my side view sucks, but thanks~

F: what app you use ? was that your phone ? the one where in the msgs its all pink pink with ribbon . and the font . i want to change mine too . but idk how :(( can help me , as in advice me how .
-Download "Gosms" from market then explore around with the themes and fonts will do~

f: hey
-Sup?

passerby: how old are you?
-Why?

random: I think you look better with your fringe pinned up! ^^
-I've never posted any photos with my fringe pinned up.___. I think you're refering to irene?

g: hey
-Sup?

k: I've notice that beside your eyeliner , you have also apply something like eyeliner , like brown colour shape , what that ? eye shadow ?
-Yeah .___.

Selling post

2011-10-01T01:05:00.027+08:00

NEW ITEMS UPDATED ON 24TH OCT, SOLD ITEMS REMOVED. SOME ITEMS DROPPED PRICE ON 9TH OCT. DO CHECK :)

As requested from some of the readers to ask us to sell some of our preloves, we cleared out like..... less than 5% of our closet and sell them here. LOL. I hate editing photos and I'm very lazy to edit them so please do bear with the ugly background. Also, do understand that we're not professional models whatsoever k. To add on, our objective is to sell our items out, so who caressssss about the ugly background and ugly model right!? Okokok, I know I'm ugly kkkkk. Especially in those old photos I've dig out to post here because I'm lazy to retake a picture of it -_- But please help me clear our items ok! Loveya. Muaaaaaaaa; Contact me at 97263576 for purchase or questions about the items k! ^v^ Btw, non related to this selling post's texts will be ignored.

Fur dress with belt provided $20 ONLY

Blue ribbon bracelet $6

Leopard print's geek specs $6

m)phosis inspired bag $10

Black cardi $5

Leggings $5
Face white top $10

Stripe transparent top $6

Irene's outer[on the left]: White formal jacket $12

White cotton padded formal jacket $12

Podka top/dress[worn inside] $12

Floral dress $15

Normal top with ribbon behind $8

Checkered dress $8

Dark red high waist skirt(fur material!!!) $12

Musical note top $7

Whitebluedress $12

Furfur black&white jacket $20

Irene's high waist skirt[almost the same what I'm wearing in the pix): $8

Bluewhitedress with 2 ribbons on top: $14

Ribbon sheer sleeve dress $14

Irene's white top: $14
Kailing's pink top: $14

Pink ribbon top $15
Nude-colored shorts: $15

Beach top $18

Bluewhitelacetop $8

Pink white checkered top $15

Irene's grey top $12
Kailing's grey top $12

Whitedolldress $12

Black sheer top $10

Clubbingdress $15

3ribbontop $10

Whitelaceydress $10

Blackstudded dress $25

Whiteroselacey dress $15

Black lace jacket $10

---

Okay just a short update since I'm already here. I've been obsessed with watching VampireDairies and Gossipgirls. K, now I'm feeling afhiurkmcheuglfjmxlsfjc depressed now as I browse through my old pictures. I still prefer how I look like few months ago-__- Look nicer and younger. Now I look old and shitty. K. And that........... I miss the past a lot. It's officially October 2011 now but I'm really not interested. ❒ Grow up and proceed on with life. ✔ Forever live my life in that few months with you. #godshouldgivemethisMCQquestion :/ Okay damn. Just a summary about yesterday night, headed to smoove's chalet. It's a fucking hell' unlucky night, lots of unhappy things happened. Quarrels and ending of friendships??? I will blog more about it soon. Follow me @Downwithloveee for updates, comments at cbox and click my nuffnang! Bye. I miss you so fucking much that it's suffocating me.

Who am I ?

2011-09-23T01:46:00.007+08:00

Before I start my post, I would like to reply some of my tags here. Please be happy that I'm giving all the attention you want now.

nameee: your face is really flat.

- Woah, seriously? Are you blind? Did you not see my posts ranting about how ugly I am? Or are you so imaginative that you're imagining me asking you if my face is flat or no?

-: your face looks weird in some angels. like you have double chin. super weird. your lips also very weird. and your contouring skills sucks. i dont know why some many ppl are saying you're pretty. your face (the dlbe chin thing) looks like you have undergone plastic surgery before then now its coming down due to gravity. this is what happens to dawn yang btw.

-Aw, sweetie. Firstly I'm not wealthy enough to go for plastic surgery :) You flattered me. Secondly, I'm BORN THIS WAY, wutdafuck can I do? Thirdly, I've NEVER EVER said that I'm pretty for godsake. Fourth, are you mentally retarded? Instead of asking me why people are saying that I'm pretty, whydafuck can't you go find them out and ask them-.- Seriously? Hope you are born with a pretty perfect face, otherwise I would really advice you to take back your comments. Lastly, are you blind enough to see that I've low self esteem? Do you really need to comment on my looks to try to bring me down? Please find something better and more meaningful to do.

**************************************

Stupid people really do stupid things, say stupid things and ask stupid questions. Don't they? Well, firstly I would like to wish my lil' sister happy 11th birthday!!! ♥♥♥. Hehehe. Shall bring my sister out for movie this weekend if mommy allows. Oh yes, supposingly there's a video done by me, cia and bby. But that fantastic bby edit until no sound. Sorry :(

Hmmm, I will blog about things very randomly yeah, whatever that comes across my mind right now. Went over to Soul for robert's birthday 1 month ago, sucks pretty much. Clubbing is getting boring. Had a long chat with bby after that and accompanied cloud to clementi, then movie. The movie was about apes?? Pretty nice. Yeah.

Haven't been working recently and money just keep flowing out. Really have no idea how to survive as I grow up, will things get worse in 2012? Uhno, I'm sick of it. Right now, the only thing that can make me feel slightly better is food and shopping. I've been eating a lot and gaining fats on my tummy which... leads me to dieting. Been eating: taohuey, bah ku teh and xinwang. Shopping? Shopped hell' lot even though I'm not working. My closet's totally full and I've no choice but to put all my new clothes in another box. But wutdafuck? I still feel that I've no clothes to wear-__-

Been doing krazy things with bby as usual, meeting her almost everyday too. We got videoed by a fucking pervert for an hour and when we wanna confront him? HE RAN. LOL. YES, HE RAN AND HIDE. Pussymeow-_- Next? Reeve. Ciacia's ex boyf, treated her like shiat and now hide like a pussy behind his dad..... Oh another one, hey pussy I know you're fucking reading this post and please do enjoy to continue stalking me. Treated my bby like a piece of worthless shiat when she was with you? Telling us again and again that you want to change blablabla, you're very sorry. Eh hello? Go reflect on yourself seriously. Look who you're hiding behind of-.- Puhlease. Yes, your pua stunt pattern really imba, more than badminton. Zzz. All the guys, fuck yourself. Eat my shit. K, LOL.

Caught a few movies recently as well: Smurfs(9/10), little bits of heaven (6.5/10), friends with benefits (6.5/10), Johnny english reborn (8/10) and crazy stupid love (6.5/10). You know what? After watching so much of dramas and movies, I really start to envy the female leads in there. They always have a fairytale-liked ending, a happy ending I mean. The male leads are always sweet and nice to the female leads. Hah. Wait, but seriously? True love? Really? I don't know. Suck my ass.

Is it true that by investing time, effort and 100% feelings on someone, you'll eventually get what you deserve? Aw, no. Fuck, I really have no idea what I'm blabbering about. I miss going to the beach, yeah. I wish to have someone to love me. I wish that I do not have take precaution against practically everyone. I wish that I won't be hurt anymore. I wish that I do not have to pretend that idgaf and I'm happy. Or maybe something simpler? I wish that a car knocks me down tomorrow.

Know what I think hurts the most? Missing someone that's seating right next to you. Being treated as though you're his world and next moment he just ignore you like you're nothing. Getting replaced, a numerous time. Forgiving, just because you want that someone to stay in your life. Pretending that you're happy and all when you're not. Waiting for something but at the same time, that something is nothing. People treating you as 7-11, you're there for them 24/7/365 yet they just come, take and go, whenever they want. You feeling that you're not smart, not pretty, not understanding, not loved and all. Crying like shit yet nobody knows and nobody is there, worst of all? You can't let anyone know all this shits. You can't show your weakness because they are gonna use it against you. Does it hurt when all this happens at the same time? Hell yeah, this is why I'm dying to die. Lol. Anyone understands this shit? I bet no one feels all this sucky feelings all at the same time.

I don't deny that I'm suicidal all the time when I'm alone at night. It sucks. I will have this strong urge to take a knife and stab myself. I'm not kidding neither am I exaggerating. I don't know how long I can endure with this shitty life. Scary thoughts that's been hunting me: What if I fail my exams and I can't go to poly/ite? What do I do? I no longer have that someone to rely on. You can't expect me to keep finding nights job to do right? At the age of 25, nobody would want me. Then what next? My future's so dark. And I think that it would be nice if I have someone with me and that's like impossible unless I'm willing to open up my heart again. Ok, fuck no.

Look at the title of this post. That's the fucking question that lingers around my mind every night. Who am I? The stupid, innocent, naive little girl? Someone who will trust that everyone's nice, nobody have bad motives whenever they're good to me and that I do not have to think so much about every single thing they say/do? Or, the bitch? My dark secrets might just scare the hell outta you. So yes, do you really think that you know me when I don't even know who I am right now?

Sorry for all this shitty posts. I'll blog in detail again once I feel less emotional and happier (probably won't happen). Sorry. I suck. So does my blog. Sorry to all my readers who're still reading my blog :') You guys may want to follow me at twitter because I'm super active there. Will blog again in a few days time???.... So kindly CLICK MY NUFFNANG ADS(SPAM AS MANY CLICKS AS YOU WANT) and leave any questions or smth at the tagboard? Please be nice. Thanks.

Ps:// I do know that I will look like a sore loser by posting my feelings out... but wuteva. I don't give a fuck. At least I look strong. xoxo

You people are the reason why I no longer share my feelings to any of you. Fuck you, you and you and you. Fuck everyone:') Torn between my heart and brain. Sucks

psbyy: hmmm wats ur height and weight?
- Errrr, 43kg and 168cm?

Passerbyyyyy.: Hey, Im not a loyal reader of yours, but I think you are gettin' prettier sial! I see yr archives, you damn cute when you young la HAHAHA. Good old days uh~ Anyway, cheerup:) ^^
-Hey hi, oh that's very nice of you! :') Omg kwet?... I look ugly :( Thanks!!

passedby: Love is damn painful. Hopefully someday love will not be so painful anymore.
-I hope so too :(

Passerby .: Hi . (: . Do cheer up & post more . :D
-Hi there, I hope I will :)

randomnm: hhello you live in jurong area? :)
-Yes my dear :)

passbery: how you edit this photo? https://picasaweb.google.com/lh/photo/FSNwlv32qxSpdMVqcZliBuk0Y-c7n34JU7uW3d58ukA?feat=embedwebsite can teach us ? :)
- Hmmm, use picnik.com! Apply effects that you want on 1 of the pix, use the same pix again to change it to black&white. So it will be the same photo with 2 different kind of effects then you create a college~ put the photo side by side. :)

psb: ur lips very thick & u have chubby cheeks :/
-Please understand that I'm born this way. I don't want to look ugly either.

guess: do you know which blogshopp sells the cheapest geo lens ?
-Sorry I've no idea :/

hello: May I know where you trimmed your brows? :)
-I trimmed it myself sweetie, I think it's a waste of money to get it trimmed outside :/

Ydna: Girl Be Strong And nice To meet You Wanna be Friend ><
-Thanks, sure? ;)

:]: Cheer up! I hope things get better for you (:
-I hope so too...

Hello!: What makeup base are you using? ^^
-Poreputty. Some japan/korea brand. You can find them at watsons/john little!

hello: hey kailing ! I think you are not ugly at all. Have more confident in urself. I think you look prefectly great in centre parting, look like some hk star. Really, i have been reading your blog for long time. I hope you can go back to last time hw you will. Post more often. Stilll love reading your blog.
-Hey there, thanks for the comments. I will try alright, love ya :)

xoxo: hiie bebes may i knw what contect lens you wearing ?
-Errrr... which pix are you referring to?... I've a lot of contact lens x.x

Passerby: Hi , i wanna ask if the checkpoint tongue piercing is safe or not , can you reply me on my email please ? thnks (:
-Emailed you babe.

瘋鬼: whey kailing! so long no contact le! you centreparting v.pretty :B
-Yeah! I miss you a lot :(

psb: haha since you're free den do a tutiorial on how you edit your pictures. the first picture in ur post :D
- Hmmm maybe if more people are interested I will consider doing it :/? I don't want to do a tutorial and end up get judged by people, saying that I think I'm very popular :(

tomatos: HI! YOU LOOK SUPER AWESOME WITH CENTRE PARTING!!!!!! SERIOUS!:D
-That's very nice of you ^^ Thanks

Reader: Hi can i ask where u get your shoes, the one worn to USS? Thanks!
-Rubi!

Pby: i love your centre parting,esp the first pic!
-Hehe, xoxo. Thanks!

PB: YOU VEH CHIO (:
-Uhno, but thanks :)

Seize: You should seriously switch to centre parting, it looks helluva good on you.
-Really?... My friend says that i look like ghost!!! LOL

Akira: nice blog
-Thanks.

ss: hello
-Hi there~

Psb: Where did you bought the black spec in latest post?
-FEP.

pa$$er-by: I like the first picture, what's your top? CAn't see it clearly in the picture
-It's just a normal boyfriend tee that you can easily get from bugis/fep :) I included a leopardprints ribbon myself.

stalker: hi
-o_o hi? Your name very kwet :x

dummy: Woodlands still got tongue piercing ? Anyway where's the exact place ? Andd, you're pretty too. Lol. Where's the exact place for the tongue piercing ? Is it still there ?
-Yes. You've to take bus from woodlands bus interchange and alight at woodland checkpoint's busstop, cross the road and you'll see a old market or smth? You can then ask around where is the shop. I'm sure the people there will guide you :) Thanks for your compliments.

Jessi: Hello :) You're my friend's friend and this is kinda random but you're really pretty and you seem nice (: Stay strong and happy :) Nice people deserve to be happy. (:
-That's very sweet of you. Uhno, I'm not pretty.... I hope I can be happy too. I mean, who doesn't want to be happy :(? Thanks.

Hmm: Whats the name of the app you use for the msg theme? Btw you using htc right?
-Gosms. Er no, I use LG.

psb: where you do your nails?
I did it myself :)

Taking things hard on myself

2011-09-03T04:05:00.001+08:00

Hello everyone, apparently I've successfully forced myself to blog! It gets difficult for me to blog because I've no idea where to start... Been a lil' busy back then.

Okay.. first of all, I've kinda stopped working in memories bar and gonna work at another pub just right beside club nana! Hmm, town with ciacia, bby and quackquakz last sat(?) as bby was nagging whole day that she wants to watch final destination. Bad new is that we didn't catch FD even though we went there and instead, we took neoneos. Ohya, I got oreocheesecake icecreamtea from Artease and it's super naise to drink!!! You guys shld try it someday, it's wayyyyyy naiser than gongcha.

Cabbed down to central mall with bby and work then stayed at her house for awhile till morning. Ohyes, few days later I met my joscelin for comex fair's interview!!!!! So glad to see her alright, was expecting awkward silence between us and turn out we were chit chatting non stop ^^ hehe. She's kwet as usual~

K, so we decided to meet up again to go bugis for shopping. It's been super long for me to shop like so crazy._. Imagine me carrying like 6 to 7 big plastic bags........... Happygurl, hiakhiak. Didn't got any tops though :( The very next day after our shopping trip is our comex fair working day. Omg it was hellz, my legs were hurting very badly. Joscelin still gave me her beanie because I was complaining that I want a beanie that day and I didn't seem to find any naise ones around. ^^

Worked with ciacia, bby and jos. Basically we're not working-___- Our toilet breaks are like 1hour long, lunch and dinner break 1hour plus long, lepak for 2hours plus blabla. HAHAHA! Super fun. It was already expected that we will get sacked, and yes we are! LOL?! The cute thing is that our boss sound abit scared when he was trying to say that he wanna fire us..... semolan. He better don't eat our pay man.... *swearing*. Shall head down to comex fair later or maybe tomorrow to get my things, heh.

Rushed home with bby and gosh, I bathe makeup blabla and prepared everything within an hour==. Managed to rush for the last train but end up I still have to cab down the pub! Damn it. Meet bby and quackquakz there, settled our stuffs and cabbed down to PH for event. The music wasn't as good as I was expecting and I didn't have any fun at all frankly. When was the last time I really had fun in club?......... I can't remember. Most likely sick of clubbing.

A pathetic dude spent $100 to buy himself a "lesson"!!!! HAHAHA poor thing, totally, another foolish one. *if you get what I mean* The funniest part would be us hanging out with the bouncers, they are SUPER DUPER naise as compared to the old batch. Kapok their soda to drink still got chicken wing. LOOL. Still join them to bounce people out. lmao

Cabbed down to eat bah ku teh after the event. Craving for cold taohuey but, sigh it isn't open yet :( Shall head down to have cold taohuey one of this days. Forgot to mention that I've dyed my hair as well! Looks abit ash greygreenblack???? Waiting for it to continue fade, yippieeeee. I needa take more photos srsly. #random

I was a lil' frustrated and upset earlier on but I guess I've overcome it. I'm just hoping that I won't be upset anymore, I'm not asking for happiness. Ok, bye. This little space here is always getting me too emotional and being emotional is not good because people view you as a weakling.

有时候，只是想有个人抱紧我不放手, 直到我的心情真的好起来.

I think I need someone to be there for me, anyone.

Advertorial @ miniheartpegs

2011-08-28T12:00:00.000+08:00

Hi everybardy, it's been sometime ever since I log in to blogger to blog and doing advertorial posts for you girls. I tend to mention that I want 365 outfits so that I can change my clothes everyday (LOL and let me repeat this 1 last time), because I really hate repeating clothes. It seems like you're so pathetic and poor when you keep on repeating your clothes! And the worst thing? You can't possibly just go shop and just buy all the clothes home because 1st it's super costly to do that and 2nd, pretty clothes are rare now.

I'm kinda sick of bugis and town's clothes because they haven't been restocking new clothes for a long time which is why I've been blogshop hunting nowadays. HAHA k, I still tweet on twitter asking "anyone have blogshops to intro??!?!?!". K cut this crap, I'm just gonna introduce a blogshop that's selling nice clothes at a very reasonable price!!!!!

Newly opened : www.miniheartpegs.blogspot.com

DON'T CLOSE THIS STUPID WEB FIRST JUST BECAUSE I GAVE YOU THE LINK!!!

I will recommend which piece of clothing you should get ^v^

I've been VERY into bandage skirt lately, I mean SUPER. They're super nice as they bring out your bodyline and very easy to match tops with.

K, like finally I've found this jacket-__- I had a hard time finding because it's sold out at all the possible shops like cotton on and f21. I'm going to get this!!!!!

This looks pretty cool and I feel like getting it as well....

How about a chiffon outer to go along with your tanktop and shorts? ^^

Please get this, the design is naise (I've got 1 as well)

SORRY, IMMA LEOPARD PRINT LOVER.

Finally I'm done with this and I'm going to place order now, byebye! Shall update this little space probably one or two days later? Do stay tune, xoxo.

SUPPORT http://www.miniheartpegs.blogspot.com/!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Please do not comment how ugly I am without adding effects into my photo (I'm lazy, duh), I really won't hesitate to fuck you up. K bleah, bye.

I wish I had the guts to walk away from what we had. But I can't because I know you won't come after me

2011-08-23T21:00:00.001+08:00

I had a bad day.

An aching combination of hurtful occurrences, unkind attitudes and words from people who are supposed to care about me, trigger points to various struggles of mine, and a small pile of minor irritations compiled on me to the point of breaking.

I shattered.

The world felt incredibly empty... I feel as though I have very little worth to anyone. It's killing me in every way that nobody understands me. I'm struggling to survive, to bear with the pain and everything. Sometimes, I wish I won't have to know so much about certain things that will actually kill me silently.

Fuck love. I wish I don't have to feel all this sucky emotions anymore. I mean something this very moment, I mean nothing at the very next moment.

▲▲▲

The routine starts all over again, I willingly went back and allow it to have opportunities to hurt me once more. I feel so worthless now, I feel like a crap. I wish I can continue to grow stronger this way, I will get up.

Hmm, I've made up my mind to continue to work in the pub without bby, I want to continue to be independent and I need to survive. Continue learning through communicating with different people.

I'm quite terrified of being treated nicely, worried that I would go back to the weak me again. Also, I experienced awful brainthinking processes this few days. New sets of rules for me to follow, I need determination again.

Who I really am? What will I become of. Why did I became like this? Humans are the scariest creature in this world to me. I'm so afraid of admitting that I love someone. I wouldn't even dare to trust anyone now. It just sucks as much as I want to blog my full thoughts here but I just can't. I need a private space, totally.

Tomorrow's o level english oral, I hope I don't flunk it. God bless me, xoxo.

- The terrified girl @Downwithloveee

I'm not loved, I'm wasting space on Earth

2011-08-16T01:03:00.002+08:00

The world doesn't revolve around me, so yeap. No matter how many times I fall, the world wouldn't stop just for me. I'm upset now, half of the reason is because my busy week is over :( Days were really busy for me back then....

I'll start from... smoove's event day? Everyone was at Soul clubbing and yes, I didn't went there ^^v Still, I ended up cabbing there because ahhai was telling me bby was drunk blabla and so on. Been working sometimes at pub, pushcart few weeks ago. There was one of the days where I worked at the pushcart and rushed down to Cine to meet my bby as well as ciacia. Caught "Horrible bosses" with them! It was a funny movie seriously, enjoyed it a lot ^^ 8/10. 3 of us spent our night at scape's shopping mall charging our phone and playing fishing joy.____. LOL.

K, next will be about... National day. A total disaster. I didn't managed to catch the fireworks or even the ndp thru tv, not even the replay of it-.- Caught "Zookeeper" with bby at Cine and ended up cabbing home, stupid way of wasting $. I wish I can claim all my money back from the cab companies, they swallowed my money like free flow :( SIGH. Ohya, Zookeeper's really nice!!!! Wanna catch "twisted" badly till now, but haven't watch yet. Forget it, I'm not brave. I'm super timid, I'm afraid of ghost. LOL. I'm used to watching horror shows with people who's able to give me a secure feeling ... lol.

Another day working at pushcart, ciacia and bby came down to find me~ Wanna thank ciacia for lending me her blazer for my work! I think I'm evil, I just threw the pushcart there without anyone tending it and went off shopping with ciacia and bby at bugis street. HAHAHA. Sales totally cui, I mean t o t a l l y.... Worked for the "India property show" at suntec for 2 days, quite okay. But hell man, 10hours for each day.

Skipped work on the 2nd day of the event, fuck it. Partially thanks to someone, lol. Let me further elaborate first, LOL. Went over to Jinda's chalet immediately after work with bby, k I think majority of the people went there either for food or to charge phone. The attendance and food was... *I'm speechless*. Stayed there for around 1 hour or maybe even lesser then we went off. Cabbed to the nearest mrt station, I was really down on luck. Leaving my phone on the cab, luckily there's this kind lady who picked up my phone!!! Gosh, must really thank her.

However.............................. we went down all the way to Sengkang to get it back and there was no public transport for us to go back already-_- So? We cabbed back, all the way from Seng kang to Jurongwest+midnight fare. I needa stop cabbing, I've been cabbing for the whole week, tmd. Was sort of forced to watch midnight movie with ahhai etc. So fed up with her, none of us asked her to buy movie tix and she actually bought it without asking us. Worst?! I've work in the morning later on. Best? She thinks that she's not in the wrong and couldn't understand why I was so fed up. Like seriously, fuck it. This results to me skipping work the next day. !@#$%^&*($#@#%$^&*^%$#@%

Cabbed home straight after the movie and bby came over to my house. Slept all the way til evening and went down to Chunwai's bbq. I didn't ate anything before gg the bbq and after gg the bbq, I didn't eat anything as well-_- Imba. I've been having extreme gastric pain every morning nowadays..... Proud that I actually went home early that day and went for work when I barely slept for 2hours.

Finally have more cash on me, but I guess I'm gonna spent it to pamper myself...... so makes not much of a difference. I'm kinda jobless now and it sucks badly to be so free. I tend to think a lot :/ Oh, happy birthday to my daddy and I hope he likes the present.

--
Taking another closer view of this world and people around me, I'm so afraid. I can't trust anyone, I can't open up to anyone now. What happened to those people who told me that they will be here with me all the time, the world's not a living hell with them around? I put bits and pieces of truth together and painted a full picture of everything myself, I was badly hurt. I don't deny that I cried myself to sleep just now, it was awful. Been sucha long time since I cry, it's tiring to look strong.

I hate all this shits that's happening to me. I can't wait to die, who says Death is not the solution towards everything? It is. That's about it. Lol. Bye.

I'm sick of being abandoned. I'm sick of trusting all the wrong ones. I'm sick of living. I'm sick of pretending to be strong. I'm sick of dealing all the awful feeling I'm feeling inside me. I'm sick of getting hurt. I'm sick of getting forgotten. I'm sick of trying my best and giving in my all, end up someone else who basically did nothing got what I want. I'm sick of reminiscing everything every night. I'm sick of all this.

沉默是我最後温柔, 是因为我太爱你.

Even when my world is falling down... I "still" wear a smile

2011-08-03T14:02:00.002+08:00

Life still goes on for me. Been grounding myself and staying at home for the entire week last week, I even planned my days at home. 11pm sleep to 5am, watch drama & online etc to 7pm, 7pm to 11pm watch tv. Can you imagine how boring my life was last week?! I nearly died. Fucked up with my body clock too, used to sleep up to 15hours a day, now fucking sleep 5hours and I'm awake. Zzz. Was complaining about how bad was my complexion to my parents and I refused to go out because of that reason. HAHA! I think dad couldn't tolerate my complains and decided to sponsor me for my facial (whoop2).

Also restocked the biscuits, instant noodles+porridge, seaweeds and Ben&Jerry too!!! Not forgetting my fake eyelashes, nail arts blabla and so on ^v^ Mad happy. Asked bby to go down for interview @ Boat quay after that and yes, we got hired. Pay's good+cab sponsered. What's more we can eat bah kut teh everytime we go work (LOL). So, why not???

First day of work wasn't as bad as I expected. It was fucken boring at first, totally nothing much to do! Other than texting and playing games, me and bby didn't do anything much. It starts to get a lil' busy at midnight so yeaaaaa. Basically quite fun aye. People there majority are very nice though!! Kept myself "busy" so that I don't have to start entertaining or socializing with people, I hate it. I hate socializing. I'm serious. LOL.

(I know I look fugly in middle parting, but check out my diy nails!!!)

Bby and I didn't smoke even though we were surrounded by smokers for the whole 7hours. God damn it, my hair smells like cigarettes too-__- Didn't drink as well~ *beri big achievement. Saw familiar faces after that, people like Jolvest, Justin etc etc came down to drink. Sang k with bby too ^^ Mood was manageable, until Justin fucking choose to sing that cantonese song... Ok, skip. I don't wanna go on & on about it. You can prepare to read another 5more paragraphs if I do that, hahaha. Work ended around 3.30am and I cabbed home with wei ting, I think the taxi driver's a bit creepy................ He talked to himself thru out the whole ride. lol.

Ok #random, my parent's been showering lots of care on me... which I feel extremely guilty about it. I probably don't deserve it. So, hope that I can save up enuff $ to get my lil' sister and daddy their birthday gifts, yay.

Time flies, it's already August. I hope August just don't fuck everything up. I'm finally able to control my emotions and things which I don't want it to go downhill the next moment it gets a lil' better. I will be in hell again. No way.

Anyway, it's the 7th month. Which means ghost month for the chinese, so becareful okie ^^ ✓Scared of 7th month. (Abrupt end)

~~Bottled up.~~

Solitude

2011-07-30T22:25:00.006+08:00

I've been wanting to blog, but I can't seem to think straight. I no longer can figure out how I feel, pretty scary isn't it? I feel like my world's falling apart at that particular instant, I broke down crying and all the suicidal thoughts crawls all over my mind. Next moment, I feel o k again and swearing to get back up again. Life's simple, less dramas as I've been staying at home and didn't have any contact with anyone excluding my family and bby. I feel like I'm slowly drifting apart from the outside world.... k whatever. It doesn't matter anymore.

I feel emptiness everyday. Humans, we are all broken inside.We just need someone there who's able to look through our fake smiles. I'm playing on the hardest act that I've ever played and I think I shouldn't be elaborating much here. I need a space with privacy, to fully write all my thoughts out without anyone reading it. Yes, I do need that. Desperately for it.

There are always times where I wish I wasn't given life lessons, it made me change in a fucken hard way which I totally detest. I miss those days where I believe that everyone's nice and worth trusting, I don't have to read too much into certain things or even take precaution against someone... Well sad case, once you've learnt, there's no turning back. I mean like, you can't possibly be stupid again when you've grown up right-__-? Doesn't make sense. If all of us have someone to rely on, none of us would want to grow up or be independent, correct? I'm definitely one of them.

I feel so afraid of everyone here. Just when I put in 100% trust into someone, it gets thrown back in my face and it really made me wonder if I really know them in the first place. I feel so afraid of "reality", because everytime I think it's kinda getting better, it eventually gets worse. It's even hard for me to have hopes for anything now. Everything fell apart, right infront of me. I'm slowly building up walls around me and this time round, it's not built only to allow people to tear them down. No, it's fucken not gonna turn out this way. The wall shall remain this time round. I won't be telling my problems out as frequent as I always do, neither would I be easily showing my emotions.

I spent nights seating at a corner of my room, reminiscing about the past and doing reflections, only to realize how much things I actually took for granted. It's relieving to see that I figured that out quite a while ago and decided to appreciate people and things around me. But...... on the other side, people took me for granted, I wasn't appreciated neither did they view me as a worthy person. Someone who's not worth the risk, not worth the chances or even love.

Back to the point, I really don't know what to do now, or how should I feel?..... August is arriving soon, time flies huh? I hope I'll find a new direction to go on in life.

--
Been staying home for officially a week and I'm actually gonna ground myself for another week. I won't hide this, I feel more ugly nowadays. I can't even look myself in the mirror, I look ugly and I feel ugly, it SUCKS to be ugly. Ain't exaggerating stuffs but yes, I'm ugly without make up and my skin condition is getting from bad to worse. 1. I need to spam water 2. sleep early. Oh, my health condition is getting worse too. I've been bleeding everyday for this week. Gums bleed, nose bleed, ear bleed, lips bleed and belly piercing bleed. Hah, what's up next?? Stay tune. Sorry for all this random nonsensical stuffs, I'm just purely blogging, okay maybe it's like a dairy sort of entry. Bear with me.

-Sincerely, the ugly broken bitch's dairy from https://twitter.com/#!/Downwithloveee

I feel fine. I feel fine. I feel fine. I feel fine. I feel fine. I feel fine. I feel fine. I feel fine. I feel fine. I feel fine. I feel fine. I feel fine. I feel fine. I feel fine. I feel fine. I feel fine. I feel fine. I feel fine. I feel fine. I feel fine. I feel fine. I feel fine. I feel fine. I feel fine.I feel fine. I feel fine. I feel fine. I feel fine. I feel fine. I feel fine. I feel fine. I feel fine. I feel fine. I feel fine. I feel fine.I feel fine. I feel fine. I feel fine.I feel fine. I feel fine. ~~I feel fine.~~

~~I'm feeling fine, everyone happy? Yeah, I'm happy too. Just hope that I'll continue to hang on otherwise.... lol.~~

IT'S GONNA BE THE 7TH MONTH IN 1.5HOURS TIME, FML I'M SUPER SCARED :( GOD BLESS ME PLEASE, XOXO.

May I have enough trials to make me strong.

2011-07-27T02:42:00.000+08:00

Everytime I look back my latest post and comparing it with my current life, I tend to notice the big changes that took place, be it in days or even weeks. My life seems like a god damn drama to me now, I can't help wondering why the hell is my life changing so fast. I feel exhausted as I try to keep up with the changes. Why isn't my life the same as the rest of the teenage girls? Attending school in the weekdays and shopping trip on Saturdays, staying home to do homework on Sundays.....

I don't know how I feel anymore. I guess I've changed??? Quote: "There are two reasons why people change; First: they have learned a lot. Second they've been hurt too much." How true. I needa make sure that I don't become weak again. I can't allow myself to wallow in self-pity again, I can't willingly allow hurt inflict me again and again. There's so much thoughts running through my mind everyday nowadays, I need some time to sort them out.

Apparently judging on the surface, my life look as though it's turning better and I'm becoming "happier"? As much as I wanna deny that, it really isn't... I just wanna stop looking like a pathetic bitch who keeps on grieving over love matters, I don't want to look like a joke. Why do I need to bear with all the stupid things I don't want to? Why do I need to break my heart over, over, over and over again? Why should I be so compromising and give in my all, end up getting myself drained and hurt? Why do I need to make myself a option?

Why wait for a guy who's not the one I fell for? Do I need to do that to myself? No. Because I figured out that, that guy whom I've met in the first place, whom I fell for , will always stay in my heart :') I will hold on to that "him" I knew for as long as I can. I reminisce about us, every single night. Walking around my room, retrieving all the memories we shared...

I will try to be happy as frequent as I can and still will continue fight against the bad temptations because I remember someone said this: "You're always dependent on me, you need to be more independent. I can't help worrying what will become of you if I'm gone from your life one day. Will you be led astray by the rest?"

Everything, every word, every single memory is deeply etched in my heart.

This are all I managed to figured out after reflecting for nights.
--

Enough of the dramas and all. I've uploaded all the overdue photos and majority of them are not edited so please bear with it... blame on my laziness ok.

I've been spending a lot of $$$ on food :( Especially on prata, bah kut teh and cold taohuey!!! I don't know what got into me and bby recently, machiam on food marathon. LOL. Yes, we are crazy to actually go around in balesteir and novena for food at midnight-__-

Ohya not forgetting that we've been bringing our phone chargers around just in case our battery runs low, hehehehhe :$ Bah kut teh shop to charge phone, amk hub pushcart to charge phone, cine's smoking area~~~ omg seriously damn hilarious. Well well, things are always crazy with my bby around ♥♥♥.

I nearly forgot to mention this, I went for Chinese O level's oral and LC already. It was quite okay :/ I'm super worried for my o's already. Sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, never ending troubles for me. Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

Met Fengyi and spent our day at town, wonderful day! One thing that cheered me up, a little. Lachron and wilson persuading me to go USS with them in the middle of the night when I was at cine-__-||| LOL. Gotta thank them for the free ticket for me and also sponsoring more than half of the ticket price for my bby. Going to USS is under my wishlist for very long already!!!! FINALLY IT CAME TRUE. But sadly, not with the ones I wanna go with :(

I didn't enjoyed as much as I expected to... maybe part of the reason was because USS don't have a lot of games and I was super deprived for sleep!? I didn't slept for 2nights before I went to USS. Imagine how sleepy I was. The starbucks coffee did manage to keep me awake for few hours though... I'm getting uglier(random)

Yes, I've sat the bloody rollercoaster and blabla, I even sat the merry-go-round :x HEHE. One thing I hate about that day, HOT WEATHER. It was hot like hell, like as if we're in a suana. Gosh, can't take it. I was perspiring like hellz. Went home around 7pm and I was walking in a zigzac mode. I look like a walking zombie.

After USS that day, I've been staying home. Spending more than 15hours sleeping and locking myself in the room. And wow, I haven't text with people for days already.... What's wrong hur!? Okok, enough of all this. Should I go eat taohuey and bah kut teh (here I go again) with bby later and go visit kristyn? She've gave birth to meimeiyuen!!!!!!! Omg you've no idea how happy I was when I received that news. I LOVE KIDS. ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ ^v^

Random: National day's coming!!!!! No, die also must watch fireworks this year la! >:( Didn't managed to see it last year and end up at amk's lan shop-.- So, back to the point, I MUST SEE FIREWORKS THIS YEAR. Er, add on, I hope to watch it with all my loved ones. None of them should be missed out :|

That's all. I hope everything goes well for me :')

May my will to go on gets stronger everyday. I'm not alone, it's not a living hell with you here, inside my heart. No time is too long, no distance is too far if two person's meant to be.

多的是, 你不知道的事. 你不知道我为什么盘旋在你看不见的高空里.

Worst battle between the heart and the brain with knowledge

2011-07-16T23:11:00.004+08:00

I'll remember you.

(This video was made by the uploader on 16 June 2011.)

396 days. Sharing pillows and cold feet; under blankets and warm sheets, if only I could be on that bed again.

What hurts the most was being so close, having so much to say yet..

--

A battle with what you know and what you feel is torturous yet unpredictable. Knowing all those little things you tried to keep, conscious mind of mine knowing everything is real and yet couldn't change anything. My sub conscious mind is holding it against me, telling me what should I believe. Sometimes, I hope by repeating that "all this are not true, they are two different person" will really make me believe it wholeheartedly. Life might be easier, reality might be less harsher for me.

Well.. perhaps looking on the other side, the greatest blessing of life is that, we can love. No strings attached.

Nonetheless whatever had happened had already happened, thing's can't be undone, so here's to you, enjoy 16th, whoever you're with and wherever you are. 11:11pm

-Downwithloveee

Sea of thoughts with endless tears.

2011-07-06T06:44:00.000+08:00

I've been wanting to give up on blogging very long ago but can't bear to do it because I've blogged for more than 4years. How can I just give up just like this? Moreover, I need a space to write my thoughts out. Although it's just like almost a month ever since I blog, but a lot of changes took place. I smiled more, cried more, all the ups and downs. It hurts to admit this, but life still goes on...

I'm someone who goes out almost everyday so I'm getting lazier to take photos. Thus, please bear with the super over due photos. Also, I did not edit most of the photos because I find it pointless to do so plus I'm lazy. Please enjoy my ugly faces ;>

Spent my June holidays prawning and clubbing mostly. Omg I'm super in love with prawning!!! As for clubbing... I'm getting a bit sick of it. Ohyes, I've won second place in the hellokitty contest held by smoove.

I'm blabbering all the random things I can remember if you notice...

For last month, celebrated ciacia's birthday, as well as ben's. Ciacia's birthday celebration was held at carter's house. Crazy bby and her went to the pool for a swim at 2am and 3am went to suana -__-.. not forgetting pratas for breakfast. Had dinner with grande manior members(baby, henry, zenshiro, ben) and with bby, carter, ciacia along as well. The dinner cost 200 over bucks and I only ate a bit.... fml. Hiakhiak, but advantage is that baby was the one who feed me with all the crab meats which means I don't have to dirty my hands ^^v

Ben's birthday was at Butterfly; thai pub. Drinking session. It wasn't my day, I ended up crying for pathetic 3hours after that.... survived the whole day without sleep and since I wasn't in the mood to sleep, I cabbed over to hospital with mom to visit grandpa.

The most memorable part of June was of course, my "first year anniversary" with baby. Caught green lantern with him and carter. I just realized that baby and I didn't took any photos :( Hopefully we will be spamming a lot soon, not forgetting my neoneos!!!!!!! Meet baby everyday ever since that day, I couldn't express how happy I was. ♥ One thing for sure, I felt happier. Of course, the "higher you rise, the harder you fall"...

Routines. Heaven and hell. Hot and cold. Never dying love. You made me feel that I'm loved by you, but the next day you just live your life like as if I don't exist. A very short moment in heaven and spent the rest of my June in hell, crying even more badly than I used to. I can't help but to wonder what keeps me going on, how did I love like I've never been hurt before?

Tried my best to stood by baby when he needed someone. I hope that it made him feel better. Spent our morning at changi airport because I said that I want to see airplanes. LOL. Still spent our money on bah gua over there and I keep complaining that I want heartshaped bah gua. ♥.♥

Went over to Ben's house, intending to sleep there for a short nap. Most fun and scary part: we actually ninja inside his house-__- Omg, you're gonna be amazed if you ever see that. LOLOL. Got myself a lot of cuts by doing that, argh. Managed to surprise my ciacia!!! Had beehoon with them and we're snatching each other's vegetables and prawns. Epic scene. I'm so glad that I still manage to keep my 2 prawns so did the rest... Lmfao :x Random: I think my chopstick skills is (Y). Finally I'm better in something as compared to baby. Bathed and everything and baby helped me to blow my hair as well as combing it. Felt like a loved princess!

Cuddled with baby to sleep all the way till 11pm.___. Had some famous bah kut teh with them as well as taohuey. Fucking naise!! Omg, I wanna go back to eat it again, badly :( and then walked back to ben's house. I'm not going to forget how far I walked with my 4cm high heels. Spammed rock candies while using lappy. I don't know what got into me that day, I was in a "forever lack of sleep" mode. K.oed as early as 2am plus, wow. Woke up by Andre at 5am plus, great. Watched some lame anime with baby as well as my gossipgirls and slept at 8am, all the way to 6pm? Gosh.

Went over to bishan to find my bby and ciacia. Had our dinner and randomly walked around. The best part was, I walked around with my naked face.... I even took photos. Can't be bothered recently because what I really mind is how I look in baby's eyes.

Home around 1am and here I am. Might be doing a small dedication post next time. Stay tune and leave a comment, click my nuffnang too.

I've been struggling to survive. I admit that I'm weak, I'm not someone who's independent. I'm trying so hard forcing myself to be strong or at least, look strong. That feeling is awful. Been wanting to just end my life, but I did not, because of the ones I love.

What's up lately? Why life is getting more and more difficult for me. It surprised me by how each of my loved ones love me like as if I'm the only one in the world and next moment, I'm just someone in their life. It hurts me and the next thing I'm going to say is... it hurts me more because I've get used to all this. All the routines. Is there really someone out there who'll never ever be sick of me? Why is it that even though I'm used to it and things are already expected, I'm still hurting? Can I just pretend that I'm someone without feelings?

I'm down here, hoping and dying that some better changes will happen. I've given up hope in life, given up hope in everything, only excluding someone. My head constantly tells me that I'm gonna be more hurt if I get close to you again but I just follow my heart, every single time. Allowing us to create more memories, allowing myself to be happy for a few days and allowing myself.. doubling the hurt once you start to live like as if I don't exist again.

Even though I know that I'm just gonna get more and more hurt if this routine continues but I'll rather it to be this way, than to be totally drift way from you, than to really let you go. It wasn't easy at all, it isn't easy now either, to love you. 385 days of love.

I know it and I'm accepting it. The fact that you will never love me as much as I love you and maybe, we won't even be able to be officially together ever again? I know, you're not going to buy it if I say that I truly do love you and that I'll do anything for you. Sorry, but it's true. I hope time tells and actions prove.

The fact that maybe you'll choose someone else, something else or even some influences over me... It killed me, inside out. A small part of me misses the old me. The old me, who didn't went through all this shits, never knew how to pretend to be strong, never knew how to keep some things to myself, never knew how to force myself to continue living on and not to hurt myself.

It hurts, when I asked you to say " I love you" to me, because I know, I might not get to hear it from you if I don't ask you to. I might not be able to continue being "strong".

I still love you like as if I've not been hurt before. I give in more and more, compromise more and more, sacrifice more and more even when I know what exactly we're going to be like. Lovers> strangers>friends>lovers>strangers... Can I be proven wrong once of this stupid fucking routines and the things I predicted.

I feel like as if all this I'm feeling and facing is making me breathless soon. I know that there's always someone out there who's even worse than I'm doing now... But I'm sick of life. Can it get any better?! Please.

I hope this makes me feel better, I love my baby Cljs ♥. 10more days, I wanna spam photos. Sorry for abrupt end.

This is still a I love you message ;)

:B: where you go edit this pic ? https://picasaweb.google.com/lh/photo/FSNwlv32qxSpdMVqcZliBuk0Y-c7n34JU7uW3d58ukA?feat=embedwebsite
-Photoscape.

-: You've a great personality. Be strong alright? I dont know you well, but be strong! There's your parents that love you wholeheartly.
-Hah parents?.. Alright thanks :)

-: hey i chanced upon you twice before . You're rlly pretty yeah .
-Hmm, thanks. Do say hi next time!

S.: If you don't post frequently..... you'll lose blog readers. seriously. :\ So post more!
-Sorry :/ Will blog more frequently already!!

pb: at which outlet in cine did u bought the 'it's me' from?
-its not really a shop. Those tempo flea stores at cine basement. Dont think they're selling anymore, i bought it like 3months plus ago.

Passby: Hi . chio bu ;)
-Er hi o.0?

Passerby :): Which brand of eyeliner are u using? How come your liner wont smudge ): Do u use any concealor,, which brand do u use? Thanks alot!
-Makemania and k palette :) It's liquid eyeliner plus waterproof. And I don't sweat easily, thus my eyeliner dont smudge.

P: Hi, any blogshop recommendations for lens? Thank you (:
-Er sorry currently no >< lili: what hair color you dye? nice ;P
-idk whats my hair color x.x

Jol: Hey,i sympathise with you. If you really really love him, why not do all your best to get him back? I'm sure your love for each other has been strong. Don't cry anymore,don't be upset. They don't work. Jiayouh babe. I know how you feel. TOTALLY. Be strong. Live everyday with hope. Its difficult. But try:D don't be upset. You only live life once.
-Already doing so ;) Thanks alot.

J: I nearly cry after reading your latest post .. Cheers up babe !
-Will do, thanks ;)

psb: tagged.:)
-Appreciate it :)

pa$$er-by: It's not worth slashing yourself over a guy. It's not worth the hurt and the scars, especially when it would remind you of the hurt when you look back at the scars.
-I didnt slash myself._.

Heyhey(:: May I know what white eyeliner are you using? ^^
-I dont use white eyeliner._.

CongLe: LingLing. Reading your latest post makes me feel like crying T.T Yeah, its hard to forget & let go. I know I damn long comment already heehee. Anyways, Zhen zuo okay! Gambateh! (L)
-Love ya!

Psbbby!: you really look like a model ! where can you edit your background and photo really Nice:) Cheerup Nice Girl ^^
-Hahahaha thanks a lot. Er picnik.com :)

Passerby: Please cheer up.:D
-Will do, thanks :)

Jocelyn: I'm going to poke you till you die of laughter! MWHAHAHAHAA! (L)
-Faster meet me again la!

Psb: What sch r u in !
-Not schooling.

Kailin: where you edit you photo?
-picnik.com

Kailin: you using what phone? you single or what you look pretty :)
- LG android touch screen phone. In a complicated relationship. Thanks :)

Kailin: Mind me asking you you use what to take photo?
-Camera?

:]: Hope you win the Kitty Contest! (:
-Got the second prize ;) thanks!

xiaoshan: babeeee~! rem me? didn't chat with you for a very long time eh ^^
-Ya! ^^

passer: hi, do you have any good blogshops to intro that sells geos lens and arrives fast? thanks.:)
-Er, currently nope. Sorry >< Lili: You evrything time go oit always use make up? of nevr make up?
-I would say most of the time. Only sometimes I don't wear make up.

Lili: Hellloo..
-Hi?

psb: where u buy yr white clothes frm? 28may post
- Fareast.

Randomperson: Oh really? Don't look like you. HAHA. :D
-I don't look good in side views especially. haha.

Lormee: Rmb me ?:)
-Yup!

psb: where is ur selling post?
-http://downwith-loveee.blogspot.com/2011/05/selling-post-preloves.html

k: u used to be so friendly and helpful... what happened... now ur like so dao and not as friendly as before. sry. u really change alot, miss the old u. please stay happy k? :) try to smile. stay strong.
-Sorry :/ but sometimes I get lazy to reply because the questions everyone is asking have been repeating and repeating. Will still be friendly to my readers ;) Thanks!

IRY: Hi,kailing Long time no chat IMY(L)
-Do i know you?

Eve: I really like your blog posts! Blog more k ^^
-That's encouraging :) Thanks!

Passer123: The most recent contacts that you;re wearing :)
-Er supernudy brown, ifairy nova brown, ifairy rose blue, super angel brown?

Passer: Where did you get this blogskin??
-blogskins.com

Passerby ^^: What is yp? :$
-Young Punk.

I see you smiling at the passenger side

2011-06-09T00:28:00.000+08:00

Counting down, another 7days will be our supposed to be 1st year anniversary. I hate to admit this, I've been looking forward to it. I've not moved on, at all... guess I was just trying to avoid it. I still remember our promises at all, you asking me to stay for the very first time outside Ben's house. You telling me how afraid you were of losing me when we just started out.

For that 6months being with you, it seems short and sweet but yet long and torturous. It must've not been a good time spending this 6months with me........ what I witnessed was me being a extra burden for you. You protected me, just like I'm a small child who needs protection. You told me to speak to you, whenever I need advices. We promised each other forever. I clearly remembered how angry you were when you saw me posting a facebook status that says "forever is nothing" when you came out from your bath. You ignored me for hours....................

There's so much memories that I can say on and on, yet it seems pointless now. I crumpled all the stuffs I've done for our 6th monthsary and all the materials I've prepared for our supposed to be 1st anniversary. You left, you gave up. I can't possibly be hanging on forever?... It seems like a thousand bullets going through my heart whenever mom and dad mentions your name.

I stayed up every night and can't help wondering why things ended so quickly between us. Guess I couldn't hide this from myself anymore, I've played a part in fucking things up too. For this 6months after you left, what I went through was hell, every single night. I can't stop picking up the idea of slitting myself and I clearly didn't do it because you threw away the penknife I specially bought to harm myself, telling me in the face that if I ever hurt myself again, you'll not forgive me and you'll slit yourself even deeper. Why? Tell me what should I do to stop the hurt. I'm sick of pretending to be strong, even hiding from myself the fact that I'm weak.

You must've hate me by now. When I start finding a guy to replace you and I did it, even unknowingly start to like him. Go away, leave me alright. I just want everyone to know that I don't deserve anyone okay. I never did. I made it clear who I've given up on, who I'm dying to give up on but yet I just can't do it. The difference is that, I know that we've been through too much together. Tell me, how can I forget someone who gave me so much to remember?.........

I don't have the courage to text you or neither do I have the rights to post on your wall the birthday wishes. At 00:00am, I dedicated a song for you on my facebook wall. Maybe you'll see this, maybe you'll see my facebook wall..... or maybe you won't even bother to check on me anymore. Nevertheless, what I want to say to you is: Happy 19th Birthday my beebeebum, there's nothing I want more other than you being happy. Leave me happily, don't look back anymore alright.... be happy with her. Regardless who's the "her". I'll forever remember the times we spent together, the day... you called me your wife. I've no idea how to bid goodbye. Sorry for not celebrating this year's birthday, I know you won't want me there. The end.

- ~~Downwithloveee~~

~~I finally said everything out, I did it...............~~

I only smile because I'm tired of being told I should smile

2011-06-07T01:39:00.004+08:00

It's been such a long time I've blogged, twitter's been a good place to rant my feelings out... until it got stalked by people whom I don't want them to read my tweets. It's June, a very sentimental month for me. One year ago, I wasn't like this. I wasn't scarred, I wasn't hurt so badly, I wouldn't give up on myself and destroy my future. But unfortunately I did. On nights like this, I often reminiscence how things used to be like. I can't see my future, because I'm no longer schooling and neither will I achieve good grades if I do. My house is just a place to stay. I may have one or two good friends around me, but so what? Nothing lasts forever. I used to be someone who believes in "forever", but no longer. And that, I don't have that someone who'll love me whole heartedly.

I realized that, out of this 3guys I loved before or maybe still love, and that I've been together with them before... left me, someway or another for another girl, it hurts me badly... They're/was someone whom I'm willing to die for, to sacrifice everything just for them. Of course, some things are just not meant to be I guess. I despise myself, I accepted that I'm really not someone good. I don't deserve anyone's love. Every night, I feel like killing myself. Fought against the urge of drinking bleach, slit, smoke, drink, cry. I did not and I've no idea why. I'm sure I'm not afraid, maybe I just don't wanna hurt people who loves me... which I don't even know this people exists or no. Sometimes, I'm being hurt but yet I don't feel anything... that's the part where it starts scaring me.................... Have I lost the motivation to continue living? I feel so empty.

One of my greatest wish is to have a time machine, to travel back in time. I don't miss that someone, I just miss the past. Those days where I saw myself wearing smiles everyday, unlike now. Clubbing and drinking been a great solution to stop my emoing for 1 night. I may appear to love all this night activities, but in fact, I loathe it. They destroyed me and changed my life.

I'm helpless. How long more can I fight against my suicidal thoughts? Sorry, I just wet my keyboard. God, please bring someone to me in June to save me again like you did last year. I hate living. I hate pretending to be strong. I hate trying to look okay.I hate to appear that nothing matters when all this are hurting me inside out. I hate having no one suitable to talk to when I'm feeling so broken, like now. I hate it when I just suddenly get so emotional and burst into tears, then hours later... I'm feeling ~~okay~~ again.

I'm not going to say I'm a faithful girl who devotes all her time on her boy and he will always be a priority, be it as compared to family, my studies and even sisters. I know I'm not good enough. Being not good enough is worse enough, I feel like smashing the mirror everytime I look in it. I'm never good enough to be with anyone, isn't that so? That was why they left me. They left me, leaving all the excuses they can think of to deal with me. I became one of their options. Never their choice or priority.

Just give me more time. I bet everyone's sick of my rantings and stuffs, I'm so sorry... Please bear with this post. Ignore the pictures. I just want this post to look nice, the way I want. I hate myself. Once... just o n c e. Let me have someone who'll treat me like the only girl in this world and being afraid to lose me. Please. I forgot how it's like to be love, to be dote on and cared for. How does it feel?... Anyone? If all this is too much, then perhaps.. having someone who'll never hurt me will be good enough.....

June, I know you've changed too. This year's June becomes so miserable and full of pain. June, why did you change like everyone did to me? :(

- ~~Downwithloveee~~

Meow-mi! =•~•= "Like" for me? ♥

2011-05-28T04:05:00.000+08:00

Hello to all readers, I've finally got the courage to participate a hello-kitty's contest by s m o o v e. And my votes are lagging behind because I just joined :(

Please help me to "like" them alright? Just click the LINK here will do!!! I'm gonna love all of you ♥. If possible, set this "http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=2023984248611&set=o.221731827852362&type=1&theater Hello, =•~•= kindly "Like" this pix for me? ♥ Do need your help!!! Please do me this favour, thanks alot." as ur facebook status as well! Not forgetting to tag me inside the status to let me know that you've helped me! I swear my likes are pathetic okay >: So please help!!!! Please give me some moral supports!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh, you can do me another favour by liking the rest of my girl's photo as well! Just click the link below each photo as provided :) If you can't "like" their photos, just respond to the event and then find their pix on the event page and "like" it! ;) I'm sure you can recognize them if you read my blog often! Thanks a lot.

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=1826275012132&set=o.221731827852362&type=1&theater&pid=31834704&id=1097989889

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10150192510297335&set=o.221731827852362&type=1&theater&pid=7191102&id=731527334

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=2043315528206&set=o.221731827852362&type=1&theater&pid=32292513&id=1403902944

Bruised knees heal faster than broken hearts

2011-05-21T01:18:00.007+08:00

Hello all, I will be updating frequently nowadays. I know I've been repeating this sentence for a umpteen times and yet failed to do so. I'm sorry!! I got my heart broken, over and over again... so I decide to keep myself busy with working and tuition. It wasn't a bad solution I guess? Just hate the fact that I'm feeling exhausted and I've been skipping meals like mad.... It goes as bad as 1 meal for 1 day or 1 meal for 2 days or 3days... until someone forces me to eat.

Really lack of updates, now I totally have no idea where to start from... Okay, first thing first, thanks to the readers who purchased my preloves :) Meluvchiu! ♥.♥ Hmmm, back to last wednesday I guess??? I was mad sleepy and slept all the way till 9pm plus, bby and carter rang me up to ask me down cine. So yeah, basically I rushed down and reached there at 11plus pm.

Ciacia was there as well! Carter, bby, ciacia, me and cloud went to kbox shortly after that. I think we're all just snatching microphones to sing. LOL! Emo big time really... How do I put this? I believe that each couple shares a song or more than a song together and that song actually represents them. Isn't that so? Imagine, a couple who loves each other deeply and broke up due to some issues... Maybe they've move on, maybe not. But they certainly care for each other... Imagine the awkward moment when they sing the song that represents them together. Isn't it heart wrenching? :'( Kill me ok.

Maybe it isn't hard for me to fake some smiles out anymore... It's okay, I'm used to all this. Oh well. Continuing with the post... Fuck kbox. They closed at 2am, leaving us nowhere to go-__- Ended up cabbing to AMK. Goddamnit, I've been going AMK like 3 times in a row to ton there. I'm seriously insane. Slept at carter's house. It was heart warming, I felt safe, cuddling under the blanket with you.

The next shit thing that happened was we can't sleep at carter's house for long. Went to bby's house to continue our sleep (epic). Had pratas for breakfast first though. It was pouring heavily and we were kinda stuck under a HDB block. Skipped work as well, fuck it. K.o at bby's house with bby and cloud.

Woke up in late noon. Can't seem to wake Cloud up as usual. I think the waking him up part is the thing that really made me laughed like mad shit. #1. Tickle, waist and legs. #2. Scratch my nails against the wall (rlly annoyed him. hahaha!) #3. pik pak piak his face #4. Pull him up and put bby's boyboy inside his shirt! Note: boyboy= hamster. That was seriously hilarious, boyboy still shit inside cloud's shirt :x HAHAHAHAHHA. BOTH OF THEM'S SO KWET!!!!

Bby still cook fried rice for both of us to eat ♥.♥ omg lovedieher. HAHAHAHA, she's really putting me and cloud under her "banned from my house" list :x Because we're seriously treating her as maid. Okay, the fried rice taste not-too-bad but I hate the peas! So I picked out all the peas and threw them inside cloud's bowl. LOLOL, showed no mercy. And he snatched my ham-.-

Left bby's house with cloud at around 5pm. And he accompanied to the mrt station. Really enjoyed a lot on that day :') Best outing that made me miss the past fucking lots. Checking my old one phone's message drafts now. I really do miss the past. Reading my past thoughts and feelings towards you... I really do love you a lot. Now, I can only stare at our old pictures. Missing the old you and yet I can't do anything about it anymore. "I love my xiaoshenshen ♥!! I'll be his best girlfriend" Can't help crying when I saw this draft I wrote 9months ago :'( Where did this girl went to? She's still a part of current me, just hiding up because she's afraid to go through that hurt again.

Right, judging from the length of this post and the amount of super duper overdue photos I have(at least another 150 more-.-)... I think I should post about other outings on a separate post. Do stay tune alright! On a slight note:

Please click my nuffnang & leave a nice comment!
Help me clear my preloves!!!
Stay tune.
Follow me at https://twitter.com/Downwithloveee
TO ALL HELLOKITTY LOVERS AND PARTY ANIMALS: SMOOVE PRESENTS:
HELLO KITTY MIX-AGE PARTY @ ST JAMES POWERHOUSE! MONDAY, 13 JUNE 2011
TICKET PRICED @ 25SGD and starts at 9pm onwards.

FEELING ITCHY & HYPED for this event, then get your tickets now!
Contact me for more details at 97263576!

~~Why did you lead me on? Why didn’t you just tell me you don’t love me?~~ ~~I'd rather be just friends with you, than be your girlfriend whom you always lie to.~~

ljy: pink or purple lehx?
-Huh?

haha: what is fep
-FarEastPlaza.

haha: you get money from where? you got job? :O
-I just got a part time job recently. From my parents? lol.

Jocelyn: AYIOOOOOOO! Miss meeeeeeee? ♥
-Omg eh I fucking miss you!!! Where you died to?! I want my ban mian!! ♥ :(

Smile.: Hey, you looked better w cloud.. :( NO OFFENCE! But anyway, last long w your love :)
-Cloud? :/... Oh. We broke up :) Nevertheless, thanks for the blessing though.

pby!: May I know the steps of editing the photo background to heart shape? Thanks. (:
-I might do a tutorial soon :) Basically just have to adjust the transparency of the heartshapes!

Passerby: May i ask how many songs are ther in yr playlist?
- Ain't too sure. I change my playlist's songs as and when I want :O

pa$$er-by: How do you not get your makeup smudge the whole day? Like my eyeliner keeps smudging and it ruin my whole makeup.
- Might be due to oily skin? I don't perspire that's why it's not really easy to smudge. Also, apply make up base, keeping your skin not oily and using smudge proof+water proof make up products is a solution as well.

Iris Lovisa Calandra: Sist, Support wo! http://shopping-lovexz.blogspot.com/
-K~

pass~: hey may i know where did u get these shoes?
https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/_jN3q1NyYLkE/TbhVJi8soII/AAAAAAAAJ6g/JOq9vw5Hmag/s640/207509_1922934118746_1403902944_32132981_4280289_n.jpg and hw much?
-AMK hub. Can't remember.

pass~: thanks ^^
-Welcome!

HuiMin: Mind following me at twitter ? :) Stay pretty :)
-Hahaha ok asap~

:D: hello ! see you like keep changing school . anw, what is your decision, as your reader will support you ! :)
-Hello~ hehehe thankiew!

lols: if tongue too short cannot pierce?
-Yup, can't.

passerby: hi, do you know where got still sell your that ribbon jacket ? and you still selling the black lace cardi ?
-Hi, errr try searching around blogshops? Hmm I sold it.

youseng: hellos how are you??
-Omg._. Where you died to. I'm not okay!

Random,: Hey pretty, you looked nicer when you smile (showing your teeth). Hahaha, do take more pictures w smiles w your teeth!! ^^
-Hehehe :$ really? I think I look hideous :( Omg thanks!!

eve: what did you do to slim down? any tips?
-I don't know._.? I wanna get fat. LOL

Jayce: Where is those adverts?
-Meaning?

v: ^^v
- v o.0 v

lolsssssssss: hi, why u like never update alot now ? and reply our comment ?
-Hi, I'm sorry :/ Will be updating as frequent as I can. I need more comments to reply at one go!

v: Hey ,u go where do your hair in the lastest post ? and do what ? extension?
-Hi, erm bugis level 2, the new extension there. Erm do my hair extension.

Passer123: Wanna ask what contacts are you wearing?:)
-Which one? .__.

Sarah: Cloud had a new girlf ?!?!
-No? LOL. Why are you so agitated._.

hi: how old are you?
-For me to know for you to find out~

Passerbyz: Hey! May i ask what's the measurement for Item Code: #8: $12. thanks.
-It's freesize.

Passerby: Hello , 4$ for leopard print spec?
- No bargains please. thanks.

Parker @ Sarah: Kailing also got new boyf chris.
-Hello, whoever you are, please control the nonsense you're saying. If I'm attached, I would've put a rs status with him and write bigbig on my blog and I won't be emoing on facebook or even in twitter. Get your facts right before you say anything. I'm sorry if I sound rude.

Psb: Hello *: you're very pretty. ...
-Nah, but thank you :)

Randomperson: Hi may I know who is this? (LINK)thanks.
-Me.

Latte: Hello, where you bought your cut-sleeve white top with the words "It's Me" ? :D
-Hello! :) I got it from one of the shop at cine's basement~

Agnes. (:: Hi dearest! :D
-Hello~

Yanling: heyhey , wanna ask any drinking place you recommend for under 18 ? :)
-Best is you've friends who have the ability to bring you guys to go places to drink. If no, pub will be the best?

Selling post, preloves.

2011-05-15T19:46:00.002+08:00

Hello readers, I'm back! Sorry I've been busy for my tuition work and girlfriends :/ Also, I've too many photos to upload. Please give me some time alright. ♥ I'm aware that mid year exam is going to be over for some of you, while the rest of you had already finished ur exams! Wish you guys all the best best best~~ Hmm, since the exams are finally over, how about buying some clothes to reward yourself for the hard work?^^ All the items below are my preloves, worn all of them less than 5times or so. As you know... I hate wearing repeated clothes== Best thing, my closet is COMPLETELY FULL, to the point whereby i cannot even stuff anymore clothes. So I'm selling them off :( At very cheap prices of course. Because mainpoint is help me to clear my closet, not earn profits. LOL

Item code: #1. $12 SOLD

Item code: #2 $6 SOLD

Item code: #3 $8

Item code: #4: $14 (not worn before)

Item code: #5:$12 (not worn before)

Item code: #6: $3 (not worn before) in white color. SOLD

Item code: #7: $14 (with ribbon infront, the white part is fur type material)

Item code: #8: $10 (not worn before)

Item code: #9: Leopard print specs. $5

Item code: #10: $6

Item code: #11: $10

Item code: #12: $9

Item code: #13: $10 SOLD

Item code: #14: Biker jacket. $10

Item code: #15: Leopard prints dress. $10

Item code: #16: white knitted top. $5 SOLD

Item code: #17: Transparent pokadots sleeve type with ribbon infront. $12

Item code: #18: $7

Item code: #19: Newspaper top. $12 SOLD

Item code: #20: $9

Item code: #21: Black&white face style top. $8

Item code: #22: Ribbon top/dress. $10 SOLD

Item code: #23: Cotton on grey oversized top. $15

Item code: #24: Cotton on pink top. $15

Item code: #25: $13

I'M SELLING THEM AT THIS SUPER CHEAP PRICE WHICH I'VE NEVER DONE BEFORE. HURRY AND GET THEM OK ♥.♥ HELP ME CLEAR CLOSET :( CONTACT ME @ 97263576!!! Meetups are available :) Loveya! ☮

When someone leave, it is not always because of their selfish reasons. They just know that things might get worse if they stay.

2011-05-09T19:52:00.001+08:00

It's been awhile since I last blogged, apologies for that. I've been a very very busy girl :( Seriously drained, both mentally and physically. It's like I've been working then next day I sleep at home whole day. No life at all. Reasons why I start working again will be I don't want to rot at home, it's a total waste of time. Plus, hehe my work is damn slack! BTW, photos attached here all extremely overdued photos.

(I've closed my tongue piercing once again, fmlfmlfmlfml!!!!)

How should I put that?... Hmm.. I load games inside my PSP to go there play, bring my podpod to go listen music and bring handphone charger to charge my phone so that I can chat on phone/ use internet. HAHAHAHA! But of course, I'm proud to say that I've been hitting my sales target everytime ^^v Ever since I start working, I become more and more busy... because my boss keeps on adding my working days. Also, my tuition is starting in a few days time.

Yes, I didn't get in to ite to study so I'm going for tuition instead. For the rest of the month, my rest day is like less than 4== pathetic me. I'll be working at a pushcart at Bugis Junction, people can come down to support \m/ hiakhiak~

Hmm, that's about recent life. Back to 1 week or something ago, joey came down my house area and waited for like hours for me to prepare finish and yet he didn't complain at all :/ Guilty much. Went down to Bishan together to meet my bby and Jocelyn! Caught "my roommate" with joey, bby and junwei as well. Total bullshit movie, not recommended to watch. Ratings: 4/10 << I'm giving it 4stars because the main lead is Blair in GossipGirls! LOL

Also, back to last Saturday or something... I can't remember the dates, gah. Er, I was being called down to town at the last minute. So yes, cabbed down to find Keyin, Junwei and Joey. We caught a stupid acient chinese movie and omg, we cabbed around the whole night. We took like 6cabs I think???? Bloody 6cabs....Because we keep changing pubs. zzzz

End up we settled down at a random pub at 3am plus. Yup, goodgirl(me) didn't drink again :O I'm not interested in drinking anymore you see~ Still fighting against the urge to touch nicotine as well! Wish me luck folks. Ahem, and obviously for readers who added me in facebook... should know that I've broke up with Joey. Yeah.

Other than this, I don't think there's anything much already? Ah, really have short term memory :/ Damn it. Overall, life recently is alright for me! I'm working happily with my bby ♥.♥ Laughing and fooling around a lot with her. Meluvdieher! Can't image days without her seriously. I can live without a boyfriend, but not her. LOL, super mushy. *smoochies* :3

Ohya! This reminds me of.. my date with bby like few days ago? Went to cine's kbox with her after work, had xinwang as our supper. Kbox bill+xinwang bill= $100. My wallet really start to have holes already..... I'm not a rich girl!!!!! HAHAHAHHAAH << epic. Okay, I suddenly recall that I caught "fast and furious" Ratings:8/10 with Justin Hanwei Alasteir ah blablabla, ciacia&ben, bby and keyin also at town! Chris came over to fetch me from work ytd also and send me home.

That's about it I guess... Been thinking about the past a lot nowadays. Scarred. I feel hurt and I don't know why................. Guess, I have not really escape from love's clutches, huh? :') Nevertheless, I will never stop trying to be happy!!!! "Aries are the illest. Bulletproof, they die harder than Bruce Willis. #Aries are born naturally popular without even trying. #Aries is true leaders when it comes to fashion. You are obsessed with shopping and it makes you feel perfect." Cm'on!!!! Kailing is aries, bulletproof!!!!!!! Follow me @: https://twitter.com/Downwithloveee. Xoxo!

(My new style! New clothes+new haircolor+new hairstyle ^^)

Before you go, leave me a comment and a click on my nuffnang alright! I hope you guys enjoyed my post, my new blogskin(I spent hours editing hor-.-v) and blogsongs!!!

~~. Who am I anyway? Pathetic me :') haha. awwww~~