Friday, 11 November 2011. 3:21 am



It's 11/11/11 today, so I've decided to blog since it's sort of a special date (just don't remind me that it's a satanic date *shivers*). Gwad, imagine a guy surprises you on 11/11/11 11:11?!?!?! Even though it's a satanic day, I still sort of treat it as a 2nd valentine day.  Imagine the guys shows up with 11roses? or 11 chocolates? Whatever shit. I'm really imaginative.___. Can't help it what~




I've never ditched my blog for like one month plus without any updates, I'm sorry readers. I promise to update every week from now on!!! I've been busy with part time work and o levels. One of the part time jobs as waitress with bby was abit ridiculous because we're paid to do nothing and just enjoy the buffet. I think the supervisor is being too bias and obvious but LOL nevermind. I like having special privilege ^v^ Yes, I'm done with o levels (self claimed, I've 1 last MCQ paper). Hooray to all O level students, we're all free birdies now!!!! HI5HI5HI5HI5HI5.








I'm hoping to get into poly though, but I guess I'm counted as lucky if I can get in to a good course in ite? Option 1: self claim holiday 1 year again, retake certain subs. Option 2: just go to whatever school and course I can. Option 3: just go to whatever school and course I can, at the same time, retake certain subs! I personally prefer option 3, hehe ^-^







Haven't been tonning and clubbing for quite some time as well. I prefer staying home watching my TVB dramas, GG and VD ^^ shopping alone or going out with my coussies??? Taking long bus rides? Little things like this makes me happier. Ohoh, no idea when I started liking shopping alone...................






I've been running to different places with huiru(my cousin) for job interviews, so happy that we finally get to have some cousin bonding~ Not forgetting going to sentosa with yeeling(2nd cousin) today too! Watched sunset at sentosa and had my b&j, fulfilled one of my wishes but unfortunately it's not with my "boyfriend" (imaginative as usual) :( Nevertheless, both of them made me laughed with their cute retarded conversations, I can't remember what we said though. But seriously I think both of them are damn kwet!!! LOL. Not forgetting meeting rynne!!! Omg I luv her maxxxxxxxxx, headed out with her quite a few times and I actually forced her to watch PA3 with me then stay over night at my house. Yes yes, she saw my naked ugly face. I'm ugly though, I feel ugly and inferior 24/7/365 :(




I'll upload the photos in different posts so that I've enough photos. Been spending too much on clothes, contact lens and shoes. I really needa control my spendings, the amount is abcdefg shocking for this month :( Andand, I'm jealous that both my coussies have dslr!!!! How can!!!! Y me no have?! :'( Daddieee.....



Follow me at: @Downwithloveee and check my blog frequently from now on, promise not to disappoint you guys okay <3.

-- (personal, xoxo)

It's like one step forward, two steps back. I'm seriously confused with my current condition, whether I'm healing, just used to it or numbing myself? One minute idgaf about everything, another minute I'm trying to dig out every single thing about people around me and observe around just to force myself to face the reality and deal with the harsh truths then following on? I'll just cry. I can cry on bed for hours, from early midnight all the way till morning and not tweet about it or talk about it to anyone. It was torturous. I felt so helpless.

Just give me a break and don't judge me as a weakling just because I wrote my thoughts and feelings here. I've been feeling outcasted, I feel like I don't belong to anywhere and can't really fit in to anywhere. Take for example, people whom I categorize as "close friends" have their own closer friends and so, they do not have time for me. I always get outcasted when I'm having a 3person outing, regardless with who. Pardon me, I don't do h2h talks with my close friends, am I weird? Some other "friends" are just worse, they will only contact me when they need a favor from me. The fuck? Do I really look like I've a 3year old brain?

One side of the matter is that, nobody asks if I'm really fine or share feelings with me which I've no idea why, probably because all of them have their closer friends or something? Don't really care. Second side of the matter is that, I'm speechless even when someone asks if I'm fine. I just can't say anything out.

I feel afraid and helpless every night. I hide my fears and feelings from everyone, okay may wanna exclude my blog and private twitter. Nobody knows how it feels like to force yourself to hide everything and just rant to a site 24/7 where nobody is reading it or actually, but actually no one really cares anyway. Lol. Unlike all the other girls, I deal with all this alone. Ya stfu, don't you girls complain, at least you people have whatever bbgs to h2h talk with and that all of you are able to express your feelings out and have the ability to express your feelings and fears to someone.

Maybe it's because I'm afraid that people might judge me as a emotional weakling, use my feelings and secrets against me or I just don't feel comfortable sharing to people whom I'm close with. 1) They're really tired of the shits I complain about, it's always the same few matters. It's understandable. They're sick of it, neither do I wanna talk about it to them anymore. It's pointless. 2) Fuck. You want me to share with them things like I'm feeling suicidal and whatsoever shit then act like nothing happened during the next meet up with them after that? Insane.

All I know is, nobody was ever there when I was crying badly and dealing with all the suicidal thoughts. I dealt with them all by myself. Maybe it's just another form of training, so that I can continue to survive strong without anyone. Yup, so people, I insist on that if any of you decided to leave my life just don't come back again. I'm not a bloody 7-11, 24/7 there for people and then you people just come in and out of my life like this. I can't tolerate people who takes me for granted or treats me as someone replaceable anymore, because, really. It hurts. So much. It's like whatever you do, no matter how much you sacrificed, it's never enough, never appreciated and remembered.

Yes, this is me with all my emotional rantings ok. I can be happy>emotionless>suicidal>fine, my emotions changes like the weather. What if one day I just commit suicide just because of the overwhelming sadness out of the blue? It'll be stupid. Being emotional and it changes like the weather is not cool. This is so not cool. I don't want to do anything stupid on impulse. I hate hiding everything from everyone, I find that ranting 24/7 at a space doesn't really help.................................. Drinking, smoking and clubbing is totally useless now, it worked and lessen my pain like 7months ago??? Now, I just hope that I really can find a new solution for my problem.

Despite of all this, amazingly I'm able to control my emotions now. When I want to be sad, I'll allow myself to be sad. When I want to face reality and the pain, I'll just do so. When I just don't want to give a flying fuck about people around me, I can. Thing is, I just can't be happy.

Shit, whatever, judge for all I care. I'm sick of life and then again, 2012 is coming.
\
One year, one month and one day ago the abcdefg foolish girl which is me, was so looking forward to today: 11/11/11 but now I'm seating here blogging like nobody's business and dealing with confused feelings. I think I'm lost. Uhmuhmuhm ok........ byebye? :')


If there is a next life, I hope that a thousand year later on this day, I'll be very happy.

meow: Hi sweetie! I love reading your blog and just wanna ask, now that ur not working how do u get enough $$ to spend? 0.0 cheers!
-Hey hi? Uhm part time jobs? Savings?

hey: how do u put photo for contacts book?
-Just click "edit contact" then click on the empty dp icon and select "pick from gallery" to change the dp then save it?

:): update a selling post!
-Updated!

xoxo: hi :) haters gonna hate so ignore them okie? Anyway what andriod phone are you using ? ^^
-Thanks sweetie, uhm.... I forgot the model number. But it's LG :)

Amelia: Hi, where do you usually buy your contact lens from?
-Different random blogshops or instocks?

Hui huii: When you started to make up? age?
-Sec 1.

simin: Hi. pretty you and your ex last how long ?how long is your longest relationship your last how long? Sry i jsut want to ask that how long only hope you this pretty won mind .
-Hey. Uhm... on and off one year or so? Yeap sure.

psb: i think you look pretty with center parting leh!! Have you ever done your eyebrow before? If have, how do you tell the person? How you trimmed your eyebrow? Mind giving me some advice?:)
-Hahaha thanks! Yeap I did. Just say that you wanna trim your eyebrow thin, but not too thin. After that, try to "maintain" that eyebrow shape you trimmed by trimming yourself. You see your eyebrows growing out of shape, use scissors, shaver and the plucker to trim it~

.: hi did u purchase anything from miniheartpegs? If u did, have your purchases arrive? :)
-They scammed me!! :( Alot of people got scammed.

psby ^^: hey can i ask you have you recieve your items from miniheartpegs alrd?
-Nope, they're scammers :(

Yx: Hello ! Where you learn how to makeup ? Youtube or course ?
-Learn from myself?.___. I just explore around with make ups and try to improve on my skills by seeing some of the fashion magazine or browsing thru pretty girl's photos? LOLOL.

p: where you brought your cross connecter right in your latest post? its black in colour. Tyvm, you're very pretty! stay happy. ;D
-Cine flea~ thanks!

passerby: i know a way u can earn money temporary!!^^ I know this won't last for long but y not sell ur clothes on blogshop!! suggestion:)
-Hahahah alright, that's nice of you! ^^

Psb: Hey, do you know are there geo lens with astic? How much are those? ^^
-I think have :/ 50plus?? I think.

Hi: any selling post?
-Updated!

chloe: you're beautiful ok sweety! don't let anyone tell you different, they're just haters.
- I must admit that my face shape is fat and weird :/........ But thank you!!

:): hello ! can do tutorial to teach us how to edi background. pls ! really wish to learn
-Okokok, probably in a few weeks time ^^

Aster: you know stephanie ang?:)
-Which Stephanie ang? o__o

curious: hi, are ur hair extensions?
-Hi there, yes.

Passerbyy: Thnks for the email gorgeous <:
-Np ;)

Passerbyy: Woodland tongue piercing safe ? my friend say will tio infection de .
-Well, really depends on your luck. It's not 100% safe.

Xiaoens: Hey babydoll, you rmbr me? :) didn't talk to you and come yr blog for vry long time. How're you? :)
-Hey, yeah. Uhm... I'm fine. You? :)

pby :3: Your blog only sells so less thing? hope your blog should sell more thing .
-I'm lazy to take photos :( There's like 30 plus outfits I wanna sell..........

Reader: Hi can i ask did u receive ur items from miniheartpeg? the one u advertised.
-Nope. They scammed me too :/

lahlah: lahlah (:
-LOLOL?

kim: ur adv is it paid? i-babydoll scams ppl. my fren and i have ordered her lens since 3 mths and parcel not received yet. recommended ur arse k
-You ass don't need to be recommended. Grow the fuck up when my advs for them was like 1 year ago and I've received ALL my items from her, so does all my friends. Sort of know the blogshop owner too and she don't scams. Her blogshop is quite famous. So yes, you can suck my ass :) Tata~

:): I saw you at yewtee working! You're so pretty and tall love the dress and leggigns you wore & you look so great from the side view.
-Why didnt say hi :(!!!!! Omg so embarrassing to let you see me working, LOLOL. I think my side view sucks, but thanks~

F: what app you use ? was that your phone ? the one where in the msgs its all pink pink with ribbon . and the font . i want to change mine too . but idk how :(( can help me , as in advice me how .
-Download "Gosms" from market then explore around with the themes and fonts will do~

f: hey
-Sup?

passerby: how old are you?
-Why?

random: I think you look better with your fringe pinned up! ^^
-I've never posted any photos with my fringe pinned up.___. I think you're refering to irene?

g: hey
-Sup?

k: I've notice that beside your eyeliner , you have also apply something like eyeliner , like brown colour shape , what that ? eye shadow ?
-Yeah .___.