Tuesday, 25 May 2010. 3:11 pm

"For him , i once believed tht tmr would mean th future"

Ohwell , i suddenly miss the past so much .. to the extent tht i couldnt stop thinking about it . I was thinking about it for so many days .. so i decided to blog about it :)

What I remembered was .. since the age of 3 till 8 , i have to get up @ 7am in the morning to brush my teeth etc & do the assignments mom instructed me to . I have to do & do & do till afternoon , when it's time for schl . Mom would cane me whenever i make mistakes or my work is untidy / not up to standard .. what i remembered was crying everyday bcoz of the stupid bloody caning . Okay , maybe that explains why i scored A1 all above 90/100 for every single subject? Kekekeke .

I was not allowed to eat sweets/snacks or even drink cold drinks till i was p5 -_- All this sounds so ridiculous ..wtf? I still have tuition , zzz? But back then , my parents dote on me alot .. they bring me out every weekends ! Mom made me learn ballet all this stuffs . zzz & when i really enjoy ballet lessons .. they fucking stop me from attending lessons!

Yeah , cos of the birth of my lil sist ~ Have to save $ for her .. craps LOL . Then my mom starts to not bother me about my studies & blah~ my results turn out ...I think i'll skip tht ._. h3h3

Geez , I have great friends as far as i remembered . But everything changed when i turn p6 . I was being made fun of .. etc etc . Next , my sec1 & sec2 life .. T.O.T.A.L.L.Y S.U.C.K.S

Was being restricted to go out w friends till i turn sec1 -.- lol , must be back home before 6pm or smth if i didnt remember wrongly ... I realised how hideous i actually look like when i was sec1 & 2 . Of course , i didnt plan to hide all those hideous/coward actions i did in the past :) I wouldnt want my close friends to hear about my hideous actions in the past from others ..

I find myself a joke -_- I used to skip schl skip lesson loiter late suspension , act1 typical xmm etc etc till almost everyone hates me ttc then i started to realise ...... Just nice dad was suggesting tht i shld transfer schl bcoz of my bad behaviours . Tht was how i ended up in a new schl & i became super anti social ... I dont speak a word . I'm afraid of everyone . Afraid of being laughed again , afraid of being betrayed , afraid ..... to the extent tht i'll cry infront of the mirror every single morning before going t schl .

Of course , i bucked up in my studies . All my grades were great & dad was even happier when he hears from the teacher that i was way too quiet in schl -_- lol . I start to go out more often w "ouside schl ppl" . In fact i donthave schl friends probably bcoz i was way too anti social .

So everything changed & changed ...the night where i met him @ the chalet totally changed my whole life , upside down . Call it love @ first sight or whatever , it doesnt really matter anymore .. isnt that so?? Everything was so wonderful ... so perfect . I start to pickup some courage .. some confidence bcoz of him , being w me every single time & support me .

I often moodswing in the night & will start to overdose or cut myself ... Oh well , you can say he was the reason why i stop all this & the reason why i started it all over again . Everything ended bcoz of the presence of her . I cried everyday in fact more often .. I couldnt stop myself from crying infront of my family . So ... i told them everything . I couldnt stop crying & i got very agitated .. Dad was suggesting tht i shld see a councilor bcoz i look suicidal .. Obviously i refused .. its gonna make a difference anw ~.~ Who gives a damn shit about it ?

I skipped meals almost everyday or i just eat a few spoonful of it . You can say i mainly survived on drinking water .. I start doing crazy things after tht painful period of time . I do things he dislike .. i do things tht'll make me temporarily happy . That was how i got a tattoo as well :) I delibrately picked a design tht has the same 'star' as him etc etc . Sometimes i'll be in a 'hatred for love' mood & i'll ....................................................

Dad was very understanding tht time & ask me to get drunk if it helps .... kekeke , how cute ! I losed concentration on studies . I no longer go home @ the time i used to . Still , i dont hang out w my schl ppl bcoz i still canot forget what happened in the past . I put in alot of effort to forget everything tht's unpleasant . But every.single.time.he'll.fucking.ruin.it

Now ... I'm srsly thinking how i shld carry on w my life . *Thinking hard* ........ "How other people think of you doesnt matter , what matters is what you think & believe in urself" I.need.to.enter.this.sentence.inside.my.fucking.brain :S I'm gonna stay strong !!!11Ah enough of the past & sad craps!!!!1

Anyway , please be a fan of Ashburymall.com by "liking" it(http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/AshburyMallcom/308269305504) then "like" my photo!!!!1(http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1514157946#!/photo.php?pid=6057884&id=308269305504) Please help okay as i have 300+ competitors :( I might not win but i'll appreciate if you can help !!!! Oh ya , ANY DECENT JOB INTROS?!?!?!!? PLEASE EMAIL ME / TAG ME <:

Baix2 , hope this post didnt made you bored :( Click my nuffnang & help "like" my pix!!!!!!!!!!!

Maddie: Your pictures are now all damn nice. I want your camera! :X
-WHAT!!!1 You mean my past pix are all damn not nice? :x LOL joke . Go buy la? :O

passerbyyy: may i know how you find the photographer to take photos for u?
-He approached me ._.

Passby: hi. do you mind i ask eu sth. when eu create nuffnang ads rite, when eu get the 1st earning ? after 3 day or 1 week? thnkies!
-Hi !Erm.....when i first created nuffnang i waited for 1month plus before there's earning -.- Bcoz nobody clicked for me last time .

Brian~K: Hi!
-Hai!

:D: hi babe, you are doing model portfolio? oh photoshoot jsut for fun:D pretty girl:)) pls do up a make up tutorial?:) uw ill become famous i look forward to it.
-Hey hi !Erm im doing the photoshoot for fun .. but i think the photographer is going to make a model portfolio for me :O Not sure . Ah my makeup skills are not good ~.~ Thanks! :)

Passerby{L}you: Ohh , thanks anyway . :) Your photo all so nice . ;DD
-Thats nice of you :)

123456789: you know where can get a inner conch piercing ? whats thr price?
-Erm i think old woodland near the woodland check point tht busstop have pierce . Around $12bux plus minus? Not very sure .

pb: are u a model or you took the photos yrself?
-None of the above .

Passerby: your blog is srsly popular! Stay pretty. :D!
-LOL thanks . But i think you thinked too much ._.

psb: wads the model of yur camera?
-Es17

Krystal.: You photoshoot for which company?Or are you being paid as a model or you pay ppl to photoshoot for you? Lol.
-None of the above .

passerby,: Is h4h4h4, hahaha ?
-Yup :)

Arielle: Babydoll link me up?:)
-Asap ?

ANGELINA: Wawawa, Kailing so damn chio. Hehehe. ^^v
-LOL ? Nope thanks :)

anon: may i know which blogshop you got yoour heart shape leggings from?
-err ... i lost the link >< wei zhen: NICE PICTURE! I LOVE IT! YOU LOOK SUPER CHIO -THUMBSUP!-
-LOL WHY YOU LIKE TO CAPITALIZE X.X THANKS LA :O MEET ME SOON K!!!!

passerby=D: how to chat lehs? ><
-Er ?

:D: babe hope to see your reply soon btw love the white top u wore to dinner on your latest post, mind sharing which bs u got it from?:)
-You can get it @ most of the blogshops doing taiwan sprees :O Erm the bs i bought from , is closed down ._.

HEY!: HEY! i bet with you the text wrong sms is fake one hahaha. You keep yourself busy then you wont have time to think of him.:)
-Really ?:O My friends think its fake too ! Well .. you gotta have the money+freedom to find smth t do so as to make urself busy!!

psb: u are nt pretty, just chubby . sorry . (:
-LOL . I didnt even say im pretty? ;) & thanks for saying im chubby!!!

MICHELLE: HEY SWEETDOLLY!
-HEY HI!

Ming Zhen: Er xin freak!!!Er xin freak!!!at **** lah
-Shi worzxczxcxc eu veri funneh leh & y0us m0re erxiin nar~~~ KEKEKE , STOP TWITTING LA & USE UR OWN NAME FOR GODSAKE :)

Xc: Anyway, You and aimiko don't even look alike, What a big different :) I don't understand why people said you and her look alike == Zzz .
-Huh , what are you trying to say ? o.O Anyway , i dont remember anybody saying tht we dont look alike , neither do i think we look alike in any ways . lol

er: why your face so fat?
-Is it ? :O kekeke , im so happy . Then why not you stare in the mirror & ask urself why is ur character so ugly ???? o.o

Cynthia: SHE PRETTY OKAY , STOP SAYING HER COS I KNOW YOU THIS ALL B!TCHES JEALOUS OF HER IF SHE ERXIN I THINK YOU ALL MORE ERXIN BY GIVING UNWANTED COMMENT SO STFU . SHE FAT YOU VERY SKINNY MEH . YOU ALL JUST JEALOUS SHE PRETTY I THINK YOU ALL EAT LIAO NOTHING TO DO .
-Kekeke , thanks :)

.: Your ugly. :(
-Nice but I think you're not any prettier too :(

Celine's: Ok,msn you already.Ohyeah,all those pic look so professional , and you look like a model . (:
-Aha nope :) Thanks!

`Xiao.C: Tagg .
- ;)

KAILI: Wa! Nice photo. :)
-Nope :) Thanks1

psb: hi , where did you get this leop print top :) ?
-Bugis street :)

Fractions: hellohs again , i jealous ttm manz , how you maintain your weight liddat ?! & why 166 sia ! so tall T_T
-Hello! Ah i also dontknow why .. i just eat alot :O

psb: hello,tagged! u use wht type of sunscreen ah , and how much it cost , sry for asking so much =)
-Hello! I got a few sunscreen . Avene SPF20($40+) Avene SPF50($60+) Garnier SPF15(~$20) :)

psb: hello, where u buy ur blue dress u wear on 23 may , and how much it cost, sry for ask so much =)
-You can get them at bugis or blogshops ;) Around $25 ???

PSB,: hey , wht's ur height ?
-About 166cm ? why .

Guest: you look like a model :O
-Aha nope ><>psb: hey , you got 1 pic white dress with a girl , you did not wear anypants inside? its obseen .
-Hey do you actually know the meaning of 'obseen' For ur info , i do wear JEANS SHORTS inside . Take a look @ the post again , pix2 . CANT YOU SEE I WORE A BLUE JEANS SHORTS????wth o.o

passerby: are you a virgin? did you have sex before ?
-DUH , IM A VIRGIN . ANY PROBLEM WITH THAT ? STFU .