Phobia in luv .

Hello readers ! Catched a movie w Isabella'Sist ytd , NEWMOON . Like wow , it suits me . Seriously envy bella , thinked through alot throughout th whole movie . Right , iluvdie tht movie :) As usual , i woke up late in th morning . Aft preparing etc , rushed down t isabella's house . Omfg , she took such a long time t prepare . Her clothing , can laughdieme . Cute ttm!! Hahah .




Bused down t Jp afterthat , bought our movie tickets first before meeting Yeeling & co . Meet them awhile @ th arcade , & we went off t have our early dinner @ KFC . Chatted there , then headed t JohnLittle . We "researched" through th facial products & cosmetics etc as usual . Seriously luv shopping w Isabella . We spent around 1hplus there ._. Off t watson aft that . Saw something that's real cool! Like a steam machine , good for ur face :) Cost around $15 plus . Im so-gonna-buy-that soonnnnn!



Hah , off t watch our new moon . I think i like edward better . He didnt leave her , bcos he didnt luv her anymore , right ?^^ Thats bcos he wants t give bella a chance t have a better life w/o him . Awwwwwwwwwww , so touching . *Envys . Hahahah ? Ohyah , can you imagine .. the row that me & isabella was seating .. was totally empty ! Only th both of us , in th whole row . Totally freak out .


Aft th movie , went t kopitiam & find isabella's parents . Headed t bookstore aft tht , i saw books i want !! Im gonna buy that , yes i would . & that pencilbox :)! I guess , i need a re-make-over again -.- Needs lots of money , gonna save next year :) No more wild shopping ): Find myself scary , having so many different characters @ different moment . But i guess , i figured out which KaiLing i want t be :) Somehow or rather , i wish you'll be back & hopefully not treating me as a replacement . Kindly click my nuffnang advs everytime you view my blog yah !^^

I'm scared .

Eric: icic, i know its taboo for a guy to say this, but i cannot afford to spon u =X psps. Treat u food/movie still can =D
-Hahah , just say say nia luh :)

YuKiko: HeartTalker <3
-Hey hearttalker <3 KAILI: HAHA nothing. View and tag mah lol. :)
-Thanks for viewing !:)

wei zhen-sjj: eh bangla, dont talk crap la horh, number one? you number one dirty spammer thats right, huanlo ppl also number one, number chicken also,or dukie? O-owow, you even know how to type lol properly without twitting, how about talking in proper english? nvm, soon, atashi ,kimi wa ,KORO****E.kamikoros next to her? omg, dont gross, you go next to banglas okays? you wuji just answer my tags, you so scared that you lost to me ? twit twit twit? twit your ass.
-Chill .

wei zhen: sry for spamming again T^T cant control my excitment, but not really fun anymore, cause the sukerjiaojiao lost to me D: tags w. loves^^!!!!~~~~HELOS! tags!^^ looking for quiz to do, mind if i do yours ?:O oiiiieeee. update blog~~~~~
-Nvm . Dont do tht often -.- Do th quiz if you want luh,updated .

Huiwen;: sjj veri fan lehzxz,jus simply dun comment on her blog,TIS TAGBOARD CAN LE . cos she has completely no time to entertain lamers like u,-,-.stop commenting dhen she will be happy.rite?:) anw tagged (:
-ahahahah ? Thanks <: Long time no tag yah . Mew: Tag you pretty :D <3 , your ice-cream T__T tempting (saliva dripping) HAHAHAHA! ^^
-Ya , v tempting ! ^^v Tagged you too pretty<3 Psb: May I know whats song #23 ? Thanks (; & cheerup !
-Sure , angels cry . Thanks <: 坏人: yo leng lui.i meet your friend call shubing hahas.
-Oic :) Haha .

-: Better now....? At least i know i didn't fell in love with the wrong person because he's a good guy. It was my fault for hurting him in the past then. I deserve all this. So i don't really blame him<:It's okay tho. Sometimes, you can talk to ppl you don't really know online and let out your emotions. That's what i do. Because they will never let the cat out of the bag. Since they don't know you real life ^^
-Not really , should speak t ur rl friends :) Hmm , how old are you ?

Calina: i am calidear the mei mei,juz nw u go jp rite?u wear purple?
-Yah . Lol you changed name again ? Calidear-Angela-Calina ._. lol .
Janice: Link Me Link Me ! :D and i not horny lahs!Spammers, get a life. Stop wandering around and spam people's blog. And stop with your " Ohhss-sh00-trenndyyx-lannqquaqe" here kay. Keyboard warriors. (:
-Hahaha , k :) You too , link me .

ZHIHONG(:: Pass by & tag . Byebye .
-Thanks <: Bye . ` HAN . x3: you always find sponsorship frm blog readers de ah ? D:
-I wasnt serious of course , lol .

Shirley: u should know my chinese name if u use tis name Shirley to say in chinese pls add me in ur blog mine need permission i add u in first hope u accept me
-lol , accepted .

Kelly: Kailing!!! I MIss you (:
-Miss you too ! Meet up next week , i'll contact you :)

2-Faced .

Finding a sponser for my hair extension & getting inked <: Plspls . (Ps , wesley that dumb teach me t do so eh) ^^ Gonna let that person regret , i want you t want me back . Change into another same you . Mom was saying im a 2-faced person , in the day & night which i agreed . So , beware . Let's get high !^^ Lol . Probably going t catch a movie w Yeeling & co tmr . Depends . Gonna find some activities next for me t be happier . Money money !! i need you badly >: Hate guys who're absolutely irritating . Piss me off . People , dont spam call me when i dontwant t aswer ur calls . Ihateit .

Bored .

1.Are you single?: Yes <:


2.Are you happy?: Yes , on the surface . Iam .

3.Are you bored?: Extremely , ttm!

4.Are you fair?: No ._.

5.Are you indian?: Obviously no -.-

6Are you stupid?: Gotta admit , right ? IAM .

7.Are you honest?: At times . Honest t sisters always :)

8.Are you irish?: Nope.

9.Are you nice?: 101% !

10.Are you asian?: Thats a comfirm YES .


Ten facts.

Full name: Currently , Goh Ming Zhen .

Nickname: Forgot .

Birthplace: Singapore .

Hair colour: Gold-brown.

Eye colour: Black-brown ?

DOB: 25th of march .

Mood: Wanting t get high !

Favourite colour: Hotpink, black &white . Obvious right ?^^v

One place you wished to visit: idk .



Ten facts about your love.

1.Been in love?: Once , truly .

2.Believe in love in first sight?: Yes .

3.Currently you have a crush?: Not sure ?

4.Hurt emotionally before?: Yes .
5.Broken someone's heart?: Think so ? Sorry .

6.Have your heart broken?: Obviously shattered .

7.Like someone but kept in heart?: Dont think so ._. Forgot .

8.Are you afraid of commitment?: Of course no .

9.Last person you hugged: Him -'-?

10.Last person you said ILY into his eyes :  Him la ? -.-


This or That.

Love or lust: Love.

Cats or dogs: dog ?

Best friends or regular friends: Best friends .

Creamy or crunchy: Crunchy .

Pencil or pen: Anything .

Wild night out or romantic in: Both .

Money of happiness: Both .

Night or day: Both .

IM or phone: Phone.



Have you ever.

Been caught sneaking out: Yeah , lots of time .

Seen a polar bear: At the zoooooooo <:

Done something you regret: Yes !

Eat food that is on the floor?: Nope , im not so despo for tht <: Hehe .

Eat an entire Jaw breaker?: I think yes .
Been caught naked: No way ?!

Wanted bf/gf back?: Not sure . Maybe ?

Cried because losing a person: Yes .

Wanted to disappear: Think so , depends .



Preference of love.

Smile or eyes: Smile .

Light or dark hair: Light .

Hugs or kisses: Both , but hugs are warmer <:

Shorter or taller: Taller.

Intelligence or attraction: Attraction.

Violent or pathetic: None .

Older or younger: Older.

Outgoing or quiet: Both ^^

Sweet or bad: Sweet&Bad <:

Performed in a large crowd?: Obviously yes .

Talk on the phone longer than a hour: More than a thousand times .

A rock concert: nope .

Cheerleading team: Wow , iluvthat <: but canot tahan

Dance team: Luv that . but canot tahan

Sports team: Fine w me :) , but im lazy .

Drama play or production: Yap ! ^^

Owned rich cars: Wow , i wished for one .

In a rap video: no ._.



Last thing you did.

Last call you made: Weizhen ?

Hugged: Him -'-

Hung out: Maddie , Yeeling & Weizhen ytd .

Work: Quitted .

Talked to: Mother .

You IM'ed: none.

Texted: Him ._.

Movie: Errr , on mondayyyyyyy .

sjj: fwah long post. lubs its.kailing meimei, chius rooks rikes ish lose weights wor.. tk care alright?zhenzhen meimei, ayes ish apologies to chius. soweee./ all chiur further posts ayes will ignore.meimei chius ish stay strong wo.. ayes wills join chius whens ayes ish cans alrite? duns take it outs on ciggies and drinking rahs..
-I'll stay strong , of course . Dont need , dont need you join me . Machiam you & me VERY CLOSE ? I DONT EVEN KNOW YOU , FOR GOODNESS SAKE-.- I take out on cig & drinking so what ?

wei zhen- sjj: stop twiting and speak properly, nb, apologise? and thn STOP COMING TO THIS BLOG TO HARASS MNY FRIEND!like i care you will ignore anot, nb, dont you come back to tag here,why do you even need to twit while saying the wordSORRY? you harass her somemore, i will just keep on harassing you. like you did to her. until you stop.
-Aiyoh , chill . So dulan for what ? -.- You harass him , he more happy -.- You think i'll let a guy harass eh meh ? (; (winks) You know i'll do smth bout it , if i get pissed of right ?^^v So dont worry for me :D

wei zhen:LOL, tags btw-.- isnt your blog tagboard alot more alive-.-
-More messy la .

psb: wht is smd?
-dk , check out w others . Sorry .

`Jean, (:: Yoooo. :D How's life? Cheer up. ^^
-High ^^v , thanks .

Claudia: Cheer up babe!
-Thanks !

X.MINT: support my blogshop @ mintyshopping.bs !:D
-Sure .

KAILI: Balloon. :)
-Hey yo ?^^ Ya?

Nicholas.: Cheer up yea. (: take cares .
-I'll :) You too .

GINA.: passedby. Cheerup yeahs :)
-Thanks :)

-: Oh..... Mine was that i realised i luv him a little later... He alrd forgot me when i fell for him. I'ts ok, cheer up k? <: You're still young. You won't luv him forever. Time do heals. Let nature.Take it's course. I know you're feeling better now. Do whatever you want to make yourself better. But don't do silly stuffs. At least you have friends around you. <:
-None of th friends is extremely close w me ._. Hmmm , then you recently how ?

Eric: what siao >.< serious de lars -.- anyways how much money u get a week, can keep go out watch movie etc etc
-Very less , $15 ? Cos no schl mah . Eh spon me , i want get inked & get extension !:D HAHAHA .

When i see you , i canot stop tearing .

Found a way t make myself feel better . I know you're still happy , thats fine w me . Love&Hatred i'v been living for .

30Nov09 .


Out w Keyin & co . Meet them @ red hill mrt station . Trained down t cini w them . Ok cute , Yeeling brought 3packets of tissue papers , thinking that i'll be crying v badly . LOL? Sad , cini didnt have the movie i want ! So kinda , slack around or smth . Approached a guy , & asked him t help buy cigarettes . F*ucking Keyin forced me so >: Hahahah ? Then , saw a guy pointing @ us etc , so , zhao . Trained down t Bugis for sheesha . K , keyin & her boyf kept @ there suan me . Damn bad ?! & idk why , i sat back t th same seat .. They're right , tht guy beside me is no longer there . For what should i seat back th same place ?


Sheesha etc . Waited for Wesly that dumb t come , he was lost . HAHAHA . I remembered he said tht he went for sheesha twice , all dont accept him . LOL! Sheesha w them etc . Lisiao him :P Another cute one ! He brought another 3 packets of tissue for me t cry -.- LOL ! Sheesha finish , slack outside . Trained down t boonlay & catched a movie w Yeeling & her family . 2012 , freaked me out k . I didnt cried:D Probably , bcos i've finished my tears . Hah ! Reached home @ 10plus .


I'll forget you .

1 Dec 09 .










Wokeup late in th morning , meet Maddie & Weizhen . Asked for cigarettes from a guy .  Miserable w/o it now -.- lol . Bought vodka etc & went back t my house . Yeeling & her family came . & here iam posting :) Ohyah , i saw fiona xinggan just now ! :) Hahaha . Bai . Th pictures of me are so so so shag . Sigh . Gonna drink dad's wine later :)


Havent been eating for 4days , its like add tgt less than one meal ?  i think im gonna die sooner or later . Was having a headache etc , k they told me i was super retarded . That i kept laughing for no reason , no no no im okay <: 用笑容来把眼泪催眠 :) Out t jurongeast w Maddie & Weizhen aft slacking much @ my hse . Having a h2h talk w them . All of us talking bout our ex . Hah . Seriously having lots of flashbacks when i reached jurongeast . A strong feeling of sadness , i would say . Super shag there . K , think tht me & maddie have decided t get inked , hopefully we dont change our mind . Gonna do some "reasearch" nao :) Ohyah , hope maddie etc can pei me go ton @ yeeling's hse hopefully >: Sigh . Baibai !

><: PLK-...-
-Boliao .

Maddie: psb, mofo is mother****er short form btw mine just broke w/ me, today..
-Aw sad ):

♥ 2263423's: Welcome . Babyluv , cheerup alright ? Hope what i said , make some sense t you . Luvyou <3 And , thanks .
-Thanks babyluv <3 Wes: 哈哈！会没是的。不要哭了！去找他谈谈！夫妻两总算会吵架。一下子就会好:)
-We not husband &wife -.- Lol , he's just toying me .

wei zhen: jiayouuus! you will be able to do it! tags.w loves^^
-K :)
wei zhen- sjj: YOH SJJ! YOU ARE BACK! OMG BACK WITH YOUR LJ WORDS^^! COME COME, come my blog entertain me and wch.!ehs, mai bh luhh, since when she needed you, dont jiaowei luhh, she dont need you!(: please do not tag here liao luh. the owner won't care about you already. : S Attentionseeker.hellos? me tools? OMG, no tools? its for blangla like you to use and work one you know?lubbing? oh my godd!^^hellos? you think she simi? you say yours thn she will be yours? erhemms. sorry, but she is taken(:you can sit ontop of a tree along a busy road, and thn when car come, lose balance and drop !^^twit twit twit, maybe if you stop twitting, the bird wont **** on you^^ eh, excuse me, i dont need you to love me, you will only dirty my reputAtion^^ get a life,dog.interveiw your mother ass. leave your mother fly-.-who want befriend you? you go be friend with zhanglang luhh****yourmotherie .its my buss, since this is her BLOG. you nbcb, kpkb simi ? ^^forget your head(: you only go around anyhow spam ppl blog, dont act as if you are close to her when you are not? just fckoff larh horh*_
- Enough -.-

sjj: mm you broke up le? sowee should hab been theres whens chius needed moi most.. lub chus.call moi when chius back kaes?chiu tools cannots stops us flom lubbing each other kaes. ish not fairs de. kailing mm, the flashbacks will stops when we start owl flashes..orfishsure interbiew wib kailing mm, didnt chiu see this coming? chius not plepares four hims to leafs?to WCH & zhen meimei, make a flend notchs a foes. lub chiu tools kaes?chiu tools cannots stops us flom lubbing each other kaes. ish not fairs de. kailing mm, the flashbacks will stops when we start owl flashes..seeyourhead, diamdiam rahs this notch chiur busi rites? =((weizhen, siliously, ib brong owner ish keeping quiet, huai chius makes so muchie noise? chius dun huan be flend den foregeddit kaes? =((
-Yah i broke up , so what ? Big deal uh . Call you ? I know you is it ? Eh , seriously , dont step one close w me can anot -.- You want i call you ? You leave down ur num , i sure call you :) & let you regret . Thanks t ur comfort anw . CCB , WHO ASK YOU SCOLD WHO SEEURHEAD DIAM DIAM LA ? YOU NOT HAPPY W WEIZHEN OR ME ? LEAVE UR NUM ? I keeping quiet ? Sure anot . I only not free t blog . Step one only . Who luv you ? Fuck -.- Disgusting . STOP ALL THIS , I WARN YOU .

-: Hi. I've the same encounter as you.....:( It really hurts. How i wish i realised my mistake earlier.
-Although i make an mistake , but it isnt entirely my mistakes . Is bcos he just treat me as a replacement of his ex . Then when they machiam want patch back , he just kick me t one side .

R: I once love someone as much how much you luv your guy, I tried my hardest to forgotten him. And I did, If I could, why cant you? Although youyou'll feel its impossible, but. Its possible. Hard yes, impossible no, right?
-I try ? :) Anw thanks <:

psby: ermm .. may i know songs of #23? .. n cheerup pretty gal
-Angels cry :)! Thanks .

KAILI: Balloon tagged :)
-Thanks balloon :)

JANICE.L: Hello horny. ^^ rmb me ? I know you do. xD
-Of course ! Link me :)

♥ Glenis: Believe me, you soon get over it.I have gotten over my three year relationship.You too can.You are a very strong person.It will take a really long time but its normal.Distract yourself with lots of friends around you.If you want me to go out with you,sure i would ! Delete his number,msn,facebook... You got to stay strong girl !contracting him now won't solve the problem. Love it or Hate it . He's still you EX.
-K thanks <: Eric: I'm sure there are other guys out there wanting to replace him, I'm one of them lols =X but its quite impossible for me =(
-Errrrrr .. You siao le uh ? o.O Thanks anw .

from_mars: Hope you get over with it soon.
-Thanks :)! You're ?:)

All the flashbacks , just wont leave me alone

I saw us in there , th pics .

I guess blogging is now the only way t make me feel better . Have been trying v hard t be strong now , i guess i felt better . Cried lesser though , at times i would forget bout you , at times i prayed for a turning point that you couldnt forget me & come back , at times i really hate you & wants t forget bout you . What's happening t me , i think i need some listening ears . Though , i found some . Really , thanks . I'll try hold back my tears & cry no more . As long as you're happy . I've never regretted knowing you , cos you made me grow up more . Right ,i wouldnt ask anything from you . Just hoping you'll be happy :) Might be going sheesha tmr .. somehow or rather i'm scared of going out . Bcos everyplace reminds me of us being tgt . Those times.. bye . Let someone , hopefully , replace you ..

wei zhen: you can be strong, if you really tried harder than ever^^
-I'll try :) Need some time .

joycenai(:: hahaXD nv zi high la! not poeple to play with me. sian like siao lo. but got buy things from there.(:
-I see :)

♥FıōиaĞ: If you think you can be strong , You can . Xinggan . I know it's hard for you to be strong ? But at least , At least try to be strong , You have to overcome it . & i believe you can :D .
-Need some time i guess :) Thanks xinqgan .

Nicholas.: Linklink.(:
-Linked

Maddie: jia you.. (:
-I'll . Thanks <3 susan: cheeerup dearyyyy!
-Heyyyyyy dearyyyyyyyy !~ I'll try ! :)

wenjing: simi daiji uh ? Bo share with me ._. Lol . Love is always the girls hurt most . Idon'tknow why and hateit . That's why i now don't dare fall very deep
-Cos im too foolish .

Samuelaaa: Tagg ^^
-Thanks .

-: U and shuwei tgt?
-Brokeup , why ? Who're you ? ._.

psb: whts mofo?
-Huh ? idk , never heard before .

YIHUI: is eiu nvr jio mie cm out not i nvr jio eiu \ dun like tht say mi so sad
-Hah :)

I prayed for you t come back , every day & night

Readers , sorry for the time being my post will be v v v boring ttm . Time heals everything ? I wished so , or should i pray more for another better outcome ?.. Duh . Skipped 3meals ytd , & idk why . Headed t wedding dinner & i didnt eat much either . Was actually planning t stay @ home , cos i was extremely upset & moodless .. but seems like even god wants t force me out of my bloody house w that 3calls -.- So , i was like rushing & everything @ th last minute . Wiping my tears & make up <: Cabbed down t one of th orchard's hotel w huiru , her mom & grandma . Was chatting w Weizhen'Sist on the cab , she's strong . But at least , everything was not so cruel for her .. Sigh .


Huiru was like , wow-ing at the hotel . Kinda "royal" huhzxc? Funny thing , we actually ran t th toilet like more than 5times i guess ? Throughout the whole dinner -.- Thanks t huiru luh . I couldnt elaborate much for th post , bcos of some reasons . Ohyeah , we went t th dinner , not knowing who's wedding was it . Laughs .. That bloody huiru's extremely cold blooded . She wanted t see me cry & make me cry -.- She thinks having pity of me , is being cruel t herself . I remembered this clearly, crazy .


The dishes was not-bad , didnt ate much , so no comments . I was having the idea of : Drinking wine , & getting myself drunk t numb everything . Still dropped th idea , bcos grandma & huiru's mom doesnt allow -.- Heh . Still have my own ways <: Everything ended @ around 10plus , going 11pm . Trained home , we took the wrong train . Thanks t me , for being alert <: Then we manage t find out we took wrong train ^^v .. well actually no . Readers shld know , i've taken wrong train w him before .. so i was actually having flashbacks on the train . Therefore , i checked whether we took the right train -.- Then true enough , we took the wrong one .


Tears alr formed around my eyes on the train .. when i actually listened t tht song . Set it t my 1st blogsong :D Bcos , i still remembered how many times you sung that in my ears , i used t hate tht song ttm ! But now .. no . Bused home etc , reached home @ 12plus going 1 . Chatted w Wesly'Dumb over the phone last night for around 2h plus . Thanks alot , though i still cried over the phone ..




Checked through my post , it seems like whatever i do , no matter where i go .. i still will have memories of you . Flashbacks kept coming back . Maybe , you're right . We need a break , or maybe you're just finding a excuse .. However , i still wish you'll be back aft you have enough break .. & not going back t her . How could you have feelings for both ?.. Though you claimed that her's was stronger .. *Sigh



--
I still remembered tht i was actually considering of getting inked . Talk about this t him , kelly , sophia etc . Set my mind now , maybe i shld really get one . A star , a word of 'hatred' in chinese , scorpion or a spider ? Waist, behind or infront ? Maybe next year's march or june will be a not-bad date <: Not sure yet . Sigh .. & im still thinking back how you used t force me drop th idea & threathening me that you would put the whole body , if i put one . But now .. different story ? Or maybe , we still have a chance t get back ? .. Tell me why .


I'm not alright , im lying . Someone , something , make me forget him .. though we still have a chance .. but i guess most probably no . I should let you go ? Or not ? Seriously , you're a vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv good guy . Why .. you asked me either keep th couple tee & earpiece or throw them away ?.. Why?! I thought there's at least a lil chance that we'll patch back ?.. I know , maybe you're lying .. you dont luv me alr . Till today , i've skipped 5meals .. & you ? Are you living better than me/ without me ?.

吃不能吃 , 睡不能睡 . 没有了你 , 全都不对 ..
笑不能笑 哭不敢哭,人不像人 鬼不像鬼 ..
朋友都说这 不过失恋 ,但我却连呼吸都胆怯 ..
能不能不爱了?.. 因为爱太痛了..我痛得快死了.. 却无法把你忘了.. )':

Huiwen;: heyy,cheer up ! dun be so sadd,no point . u wan to be sad everidae meh?i suppose no.learn how to let go,dun sae u cant.u can,if u hav determination./b>
-Not i dont have th determination , is i cant bear t . Maybe being sad everyday is not a bad idea .

anonymous: hi, cheerup. i know its hard, but i hope you'll feel better as time goes by.:)
-But i felt even sad .. Anw thanks :)

Maddie: Sist, many people care about you, do try to think positive and feel better <3
-He destroyed every hope of mine .. Tell me how t be positive .. Anw thanks :)

wei zhen: i did not forgotten hi m yet-.-" he is a ****er. even after i break up with him, he cant be washed out of my mind
-But at least you're strong ?:) Stronger than me ..

CelineLeong's: Hello sister (:Cheerup alright !!
-Hello sist . Thanks , i'll try :)

Rosslynn.: Sist, cheer up aye.
-Thanks sist :) I'll try t .

.Boombah. Jean.: (YYYYYYYYYYYYY) I win :D
-Hah :)

Hojingci.: Cheerup sist. There's always a rainbow aft the rain :)
-Maybe .. Thanks sist :)

♥FıōиaĞ: Xinggan , Cheerup alright :D . I'm sure you can be strong .:)
-I'll try :) No , im not strong . Tired of acting strong .

能不能不爱了?.. 因为爱太痛了. 我痛得快死了, 却无法把你忘了 ..

26th's luvs .

What's been w me lately ?.. tearing like shyt for nights . Every place i used t go is filled w my memories for you . Even my room .. Those memories .. where you skipped schl for me , rush down from simei just t get me smth t eat & come down t my house . I gave you a cold shoulder whenever im moodless . But me myself , didnt realise i've fallen into deep luv for you .& i alr cant live w/o you . Still glad that at least i didnt make you unhappy for the whole 2months .. at least most of the times , we're happy right ? im afraid t lose you . Thinking back , how shy we're .. till now , we're v close alr , untill the feelings faded .. 

Living in a world filled w sadness & regret now though i want t change . I clearly understand you , just that i didnt want t express out ..  I wouldnt tear infront of another guy again , I dontwant another guy t wipe away my tears .  I know , what i've done is real bastard . But you know iluvyou , right ?..  I've no intention of hurting you . But if you dislike it , i wouldnt do tht again . Bcos my eyes are only on you now . What ridiculous thing i did was , the next day i still continue t go his house . Really , i slapped myself for doing that . Kill myself , can cigarettes or alchohol numb myself?  swollen eyes .

 Cried every corner of my house , even infront of th labtop . Still waiting for ur sms . & i found out that , you've changed .. so cold t me , like strangers . You even faded feelings for me .. its like a knife stab into my heart straight . Or maybe i deserve all this , that night was our 2nd month . You canot imagine how sad i was . I didnt blame you for being able t meet me up .

If you fade feelings for me , why would you jealous i go t his hse ytd ? Or it was you who lied t urself that you faded feelings for me , bcos i hurt you . No one can stand by me now . Its only 1 day , & you faded feelings for me .. how could it be ? I shouldnt have gone t hishouse , twice , knowing you'll be unhappy but you didnt express it out . You want freedom for me , you trust me . Just that you jealous , right?.. I did understand you ..



 I seriously did nothing much there , only slack . plus there's alot ppl there , not only me & him . Didnt you know ?.. Sorry . I deleted everybody's sms , only left urs . I've put everything down . Remember last time ? You used t hurt me as well , i always will forgive you .. bcos i dontwant t lose you . Maybe ur luv for me , isnt like th luv i've for you . I couldnt amend my mistakes if you dont give a chance .. i've changed . Stop running fom the facts , like how i did . Tell yourself , its impossible for you t fade feelings in just 1 day right?.. Impossible . Its bcos i've hurt you , you wanted t numb urself . I teared a million of tears , hoping you'll be back .

The feelings you have for me are still there , just that you've locked them up . Or maybe im saying all this t numb myself . If you really think you wouldnt be happy at all w me , i wouldnt force you .. As long as you're happy ..  If everything could start afresh .. I promised not t go his hse anymore , even if you're letting me go . Fate brought us tgt . i'd never forget how warm ur hug is . How i wished i could see you later . I could've skip the wedding dinner for you . I didnt remove the standby note , i wonder if you have ..

我爱你 ,但你爱我吗 , 为什么我们变成这样 ..

--
Sorry readers , i would be able t give you guys a proper post from tday onwards . Till i recover . Is this fate i wonder ? So many invitations today . 1st call , aunty called us t go her hse for a big feast . I rejected . 2nd call , from simin & co . I still rejected . 3rd call , kumpua dulan . A wedding dinner , i accepted . I dont wish t be alone in my house .. doing silly things i shouldnt be doing . Nobody's gonna care anymore anw . Havent been eating since last night till now , dinner breakfast & even lunch :) Cool . Lastly , i dont need sympathy or smth . So shut th fuck up :) Thanks .

psb: whts is bwg?
-As replied as xiaomint . bwg=bo wei gong: Nothing t say or speechless .

X.MINT: psb : bo wei gong as in nth t say thanks sist (:
-Welcome :)

2263423's: Babyluv , link me up :D . Luvyou .
-K , luvyou :)

wei zhen: helos! konichiwa's! dont give up, jiayou, we must show we are stronger than boys.! :D relax abit. dont think too much okays?!^^
-I cant .. ._.

♥ Glenis: Relinkkkkk !
-Sure .

Calidear: Sist,cheerup :) Time will heals everything , just keep occupy yourself like going out with friends or keep your mind busy . Trust me, you won't cry and think so much than before Takecare .
-I cant , bcos every corner is filled w memories .

Hatred-: Hi :D dun sad sad liao lah , :D gotta let it go ... no point living ur life torturing urself ... u dun let go , how are u gonna be happy ? Consider wad i say:D if u bored :D msg mi 82374409 :D if u wanna know how i know abt u and ur stead quarrel msg mi :D dhen i tell u
-I wanted t , but i cant seem t let go . I dont need t be happy , cos i dont deserve as well .

私はあなたの愛..に値するいけない

Hello readers , sorry for not updating much lately .


25th Nov 09 .


I remembered everything about 25th nov 09 v clearly , its a terrible day for me . I swear . Woken up by Simin'Hubby sms & ask me go down nicholas house early in th morning . Pulled myself out of my cozy bed & prepare t go . Trained & bused down t his house , slack etc etc till 5 . Trained down t Bugis meet Yeeling up for awhile , Shuwei came afterthat . Bloody Yeeling ps me , go home . Was aimlessly walking w Shuwei , as we've no idea where t go . Both of us was moodless , shag .


So , trained down t chinese garden for a walk . Sat down on a bench & see th sun set down etc . Just nice , i saw a couple w a child playing @ th patch of grass infront of us . Scenery surrounding us became darker & darker .. Thinked through alot there . Pretty good place huh . Teared there , for hours . The tears kept dripping down , like how my heart bleeded . You comforted me , i pushed you away . I've no idea why . You wiped away my tears & asked me t stop crying .. You gave me a cold shoulder afterthat . I know why , im sorry . & you must believe , cos i only luv you . Only you , no one else . Sorry . Seating there moodlessly , till 8plus , went home .


Had a conflict w parents afterthat , whatever . Cried in my room for hours , till the next day .. 26th Nov 09 . Can imagine how swollen was my eyes ? idk what happened t you , i know you can give me happiness . Why are you giving sadness instead ?.. If you could understand me , better .. Or maybe we've alr ended .. on our 2nd month , so coincidence huh ? Exactly 2 months . & here iam , writing how much we've gone through & tearing again & again infront of my labtop . One by one leaving me . Wtf have i done ? Ppl dont crap la , all you all know is t say cheerup blbalblah , when actually you ps me , so many times .


26th Nov 09 .


Hi , i've just woken up from a nightmare last night . Didnt i ? Prepared everything & trained down t nicholas house t meet everyone . Sorry for making Simin , Kelly & cheryl wait so long yah ? ps x.x Slack etc again . Funnyeh , i canot walk in a straight line -.- I still have t hold on t smth & walk back into nicholas house . How useless , why i became like this i wondered . I'm not weak , or maybe all this while i've been acting strong . Slack all th way again , talk coc etc . Went t nearby coffeeshop w th girls , damn simin can . She kept lisiao th aunty -.- :


Aunty , what is mee pok ? Mee pok looks like how ? Can show me anot ? I want this , no no i want this . Th chilli hot anot ah ? I dont want add everything . Eh wait wait , that means my noodles v plain lor ? Then she asked th aunty help add chilli again -.- Damn joker . Walked around th neighbourhood , searching me a certain brand of glue . Zzz . Holyshyt . Still remembered a couple of people there abit sehseh , did alot funnyeh thing . Seriously , lmao . Oh , bryan was kinda drunk . Zzz , make me laugh like shyt .


Slacked till 5plus , headed back home . No idea why , i cried in th train . Like what ? Eh you all never see people cry before huh ? Stare stare stare . Yeah , here iam tearing now ..

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Heart , i luv wsw didnt i ? Alot .  Do i deserve all this ? Being & acting high in the day , & in th night .. curling myself @ a corner of my bed tearing .. till i fall asleep . Thats me . This is a fatal blow . Blame myself , for being such a bitch . Grab that chance , contact me .. I dontwant a slient break , i dontwant him t fade feelings for me . Its impossible right ? it wouldnt be so fast . no wouldnt .

Pinxuan.: my scores more lousy lor! LOOL
-Haha , then you more jialat liao .

gdg: u really noe japanesE?
-Not really , maybe abit .

xiaomenthol: Heh kailing saw eui at the expo leys ! Sunday that time , hav saw me ?Haha u with a guy darm tall walking to the oyster meesiam thr , i wearing black poka dots with white short one mah ^^ so chio eui !Haha , so darm pretty lah u . Eui quite tall one heh ^^
-Replied @ ur blog :)

random person: whats track no. 19?(:
-Tik tok :)

KAILI: Hi Tagged. Hee we got same type of blogger skins :)Hi Tagged :)
-Hi! :) Hah , cos its kinda common now .

wei zhen: hey! tags. w loves, sorry unable to go out with you): cause training starts alr. D: got to train like hell from now. your latest pictures nice leys. LOL. you look supper serious in those lenses. ^^helllos! tags w. loves, tag me more! ^^ go out soooooon!><
-Haha k . I v serious eh , even w/o my lens :P

XINNI: Hallo~ Taqqed ;D
-Thanks !:)

xiaovess: umm phone ?Oh haha. Photobucket (:
-Thanks :)

.Boombah, Jean.: Hey chiobu, tag. :) Stay chio aye? & don't say you not pretty. :> HAHA.
-Ok lor , win liao luh . I kena shoot dao bwg liao -.-

Michelle:]: sweetdolly , misses <3 u look pretty with bang lor . tag me too!
-Ew , my bangs like machiam not bangs -.- Haha , k sure asap .

Hopped here. (:: Thanks! :D
-Welcome .

Hojingci: hey tagged sis ^^
-Thanks sist !^^

PSBYC: What is song 16?:)
-Shots .

SHUTING.: Sist, relink. (:
-Sure , relinked :)

keyin: muhaha. see you later on ! better reply my sms. if not i'm going to call your house soon ! then you'll know how i feel !! muhaha
-..

Yeeswen!: Hey sist, tagged w luvs [:
-Thanks sist ! [:

X.MINT: LOL u link my blog wrong url
-Ya x.x i know , i lazy go change . Now go change :x